I really shouldn't watch Sex in the City reruns...especially when they ask the question, "Deep down...do women just want to get rescued?" Because deep down, I do. I sooo, do...I don't care how successful I am professionally, or the fact that I own my own house, or the fact that I have a very loving mom and canine crew. I want to be saved. Saved from drinking pickle juice from the jar and wiping my mouth off with the back of my hand just because I can. Saved from wearing insane outfits of mismatched socks, a side sloppy ponytail, orange boxers and a snazzy tank top that says "I'm the girl your mom warned you about"...because no one's going to see the outfit and snicker at me (although I'd love an endearing snicker right about now). So aside I've decided that I have to figure out my next move so that I get out of my 10 month comfortable trip through Inertiaville (yes yes I'm aware that you can be inert and have a trip. Shut up!). And then I thought again and decided...there isn't going to be a next move. I'm going to sit back and get pursued. Oh it happens...it happens all the time, it just tends to be the undesireables. For some reason they have the guts that others don't. I have no idea why. (Sigh). "Someday my prince will come..." and if he doesn't...I'll be buying more dogs soon. And I'll still be fine. I just wanted something to post. Sue me.

1. Roll in the grass with your dog and bark gleefully while the neighbors are grilling on their deck. Then get up, look directly at them, wave and say hello to them quite casually as if they hadn't just seen you rolling like a canine with an itch on your back.

2. watch the entire two seasons of Nip/Tuck and cry when Dr. Troy casually fucks someone against the wall. Now those are some true heart to heart (or I guess body part to body part) moments. (Be able to watch the entire first two seasons by fast forwarding to the gratuitous scenes)
3. Drive to McDonalds and order chicken nuggets...at the checkout window ask the girl if she can check and see if the nuggets are perfectly round because otherwise...you're not going to eat them. Put on such a forlorn look that the girl actually looks concerned and grabs the bag back and replaces the oblong and rectangular nuggets. 4. Drive home smelling the nuggets but then eat only one...and throw the rest in the trash. You know that you want to be really, really skinny when you see Him in 86 days and to entice someone new while you patiently wait out those days. Because you know, the Cornfield is hopping with "eligible" bachelors (eligible because no one else wants them at all).

5. Pull pantyhose over your head and consider robbing a bank...realize that it might not be as fun without Clyde to help you rob it. Proceed to drink a bottle of champagne that you've had for over five years for no particular reason....

Consider getting those nuggets out of the garbage because you fit into your skinny jeans...but decide just to post one of the crappiest posts that has ever graced this blog, just because you can.

Cheers! Der...glad you got out of the Cornfield while you still could. Oh and stop laughing at me in that picture too!

Well last night I took a moment and just said my goodbyes to Derek. Like the busy bee that he is, he was working at the bar even at the very end. My goodbye I think was pretty good...I didn't let him stop and interupt me, and I wasn't dumb enough to include my emotional drivel. It went a little something like this, "I know you're not leaving until Wednesday now, but I doubt I'll see you before then. Drive safe, good luck and I think you picked a perfect career path for yourself. See you around Thanksgiving." He smiled, handed me my food, asked me for a light and asked what I was doing after the bar closed. And I just smiled and thought to myself, "Maybe this would've been the night," and then I pushed my little fantasy world out of my head and knew he was just looking for something to do (as in drinking) after the bar closed. I gave him my best smile, tossed my hair and said, "I've got to get to bed, I'm pretty tired."

And like that, this chapter (this obsession) ended. And I was ok with it. It's going to be pretty exciting to see who I meet now that I'm kind of open to meeting someone. And I promise not to obssess...it was just a one time deal. Promise.

Well Colorado, you won this time! But maybe I'll have better luck next time.

There are times when I realize that it was futile to love Derek...that he isn't the great person that I thought he was. Last night was kind of that night. Perhaps he was a tad icy because I was licking some boy's ear at the bar on Wednesday? Perhaps he's just a jerk? Perhaps he's just a guy that doesn't realize that he's hurting my feelings...most likely it's this option. I would never say that Derek's a jerk because he's very aware of people and being considerate. It's part of his moral code or something.

So anyways, Chelle and I hit the bar early for fifty cent drafts. Needless to say, Chelle and I were quite comfortably numb...not overly so though. Then Derek walked in. He hugs some girl, he hugs Chelle, he gives me a wave ( I understand his lack of physical displays of affection because he knows that I would read more into it) be that as it may, it stung. Probably more than it should've.

I think it stung more that he talked to this very lovely girl FOREVER...she has a boyfriend...where he was, I had no idea but I know that I was hoping that he would walk in the door as quickly as possible. But he didn't. I even considered calling her boyfriend to get him there quicker. Ok I was drunk, I have my period, I am super irrational...more than usual. But apparently I was transparent because Chelle leaned over and whispered, "Are you ok?" (great! I'm offically certifiable!)

Chelle somehow lapped me and became the "drunk one" of the night. I'm not sure how it happened but it was a nice change of events. When Chelle becomes the "drunk one" she makes friends with random people at the bar and we usually end up at some random late night party. Well I shouldn't have been surprised but I surely was. Oh boy was I ever.

It was kind of early when Derek came over to me and said, "I'm leaving. I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Are you going to be here tomorrow?" and then he leaned over, hugged me and left. Ok, so I was irrational...he didn't hug me earlier because he didn't want to hug three women in a row...or whatever (isn't it awful to be in my mind sometimes? so very convoluted at times. I promise that many people consider me to be an intelligent person...but I so rarely behave rationally or intelligently).

So back to Chelle being the social butterfly. She leans over and tells me, "We're going home with them." Them being a local band that most everyone around here knows. Where do we end up? Yeah, at the recording studio which is also where Derek lives. Grrrreeeat. Even when I'm not trying to be around him, I'm around him. So Derek ends up awake, in a wife beater, looking incredulously at us. Not because the band is there and they're in the mood to record at 2:30am...but because, we're there. Somehow, we ended up listening to a recording session...I don't think we got home until after 5 but I'm not sure about that. I was tired, I was embarassed to be at Derek's place, I was just downright uncomfortable to be in my own skin. I was thankful when Chelle's man of the evening dropped me off at my house and I was finally able to drift off to sleep.

I wish I didn't want to see him tonight, but I do...but I probably won't go out.

Ok...maybe it's because I'm hormonally imbalanced right now due to that fabulous week every month us ladies deal with but hey...do they have to show some crazy commercial about a dad planning his daughter's wedding, with flashbacks to her being little? Oh it was so sappy that I'm embarassed to say that I cried. But I cried and it was a very ugly cry. I miss my daddy. Chase credit card, I hate you.

It's a good thing that Derek is moving. Wait, did she just say that??? It's time to be "un-crazy in love with him" No really, you know it's bad...really, really bad when your friend Ml shows up at the thitwbar and goes up to Derek, "Where's your stalker?" And without a moment's hesitation he looks up and quickly points you out so that she can find you across the bar. Let's hope he did it with a smile on his face!

Three days and I'll no longer be a stalker I guess. Three days. Just typing it makes me a little sad and blue. But don't worry, I'll buck up. It's just more than a little sad.

On a different note, this is really going to change the blog huh?

So yeah, who came to work an hour late today??? (it's ok, I just skipped out on breakfast) . And why did our heroine come in late to work?? (am I begging the question?) Yes, I was super hungover. Actually, at the time...I think I was still drunk. Let's get into the finer details.

So last night my work threw us a "Welcome Back Party". It was $10 and it was all you can eat and drink. Well I did very little eating but I did a whole lot of drinking. From this picnic thingy I went to thitwbar because these are Derek's last days. I was stuck in a conundrum because I wanted to talk to him so badly but I was sooo incredibly drunk that I really didn't want to talk to him. But of course, my desire to talk to him outweighed my desire to not appear as the drunken ass that I often am around him. I couldn't even tell you what we talked about. I know I bandied around the words, "I love you" and "please don't move"...actually they've peppered every conversation that I've had with him this entire month when I was drunk. Seriously, I just don't why he doesn't respond to, "You should love me just because..." I love the man but he's not that bright if you ask me. When a cute girl, who's a drunk, highly intelligent, often inebriated tells you that you should just love them already...I think this a cue to just love them. I don't care what other people say, Derek could love me if he just tried a little. I'm not asking for a whole lot here. It's not like I'm an ugly ogre in the corner or the weird old lady from the Goonies or something.

Now actually piecing together my night is a little tough. My friend Nikki came out with me, but she was pretty tired. She left around 1 am and slept at my house. That's how you know I was drunk. I didn't go home with the person who was staying at my house. I talked to Derek's roommates for awhile. His one roommate is very,very gay (not that I care mind you) and I met his boyfriend last night for the first time. And then I decided to hit on his other roommate. I don't think that worked too well because I ended up taking home the guy that (think way back) Derek, Chelle and I didn't allow to sleep one night because we told him it would be worse to have an hour of sleep.

Nothing "exciting" happened. He seems like a really cool guy and he's got a beard...now if only I could get him tattooed and change his name to Derek (oops, is that bad?). I vaguely remember making out with him in the field behind my house for what seemed like forever. Is it bad that I have no idea what his name is? Is it bad that I didn't even get his phone number? This morning we woke up on the couch...so I'm guessing that he might've been nearly as drunk as me (or he permitted me to sleep on the narrow couch doubled up because he's just that "nice"?) The sweet boy walked me to work this morning because I knew I was still too drunk to drive (and I live across the street) and then he treked his way home. I'm sure I'll see him around.

And the whole time I thought, "I wish that was Derek." It's probably not a bad thing that he's leaving, I mean for my mental health...but already I'm wishing for it to be Thanksgiving. I'm going out to Denver to visit him. I want it to be November right now!

So I went back to work today. Boooring...stupid meetings that lasted all day and could've been concluded hours before...however, it was good to see my old work buddies and have a few laughs with them. The place where I am employed now has 1,000 employees. Over the summer they hired another 100 or so people. When they asked the newbies to stand I let my eyes rove over the crowd. Lo and behold I'm going to be a spinster! They must've hired 99 females and 1 male. I think that one guy is gay...and if he's not gay, then he's a serial killer. I mean something's coming up on my radar about this guy but I'm not sure what.

Derek leaves in six tiny days. I think he's done working...so I doubt that I will see much of him before he leaves. Grrr.

And Moocow thought he had problems with telling people about the V-card. I"m having a hard time keeping multiple people out of my bedroom when I'm drunk! But I managed, sort of.

So Friday night I decided that trying to not hook up with other people in the hopes of holding out for Derek was just a silly notion...at least that's what my hormones were telling me. Nina and I headed up to thitwbar and then Chelle, Ry and a few other characters joined us.

None of us were overly drunk when it was time to leave the bar so we decided to continue the party here at my house in the basement bar. Nina met a guy who looked a bit like Mark Ruffalo, we played some darts with him and then decided to invite him and his friends back as well. Once we arrived the alcohol flowed perhaps a bit too freely. Chelle got good and cozy with Rob (a friend of ours whom she's hooked up with before). They disappeared off to my guest bedroom of sin while the rest of us continued to drink merrily. I invited Derek over and he showed up after work. I'm not sure if he really had very much fun since we were all pretty drunk by the time he got here and because both Chelle and I unburdoned our souls to him. Chelle about her desire to share her life with someone and how owning a home can be lonely and boring. I just pretty much whined about everything.

He left and we continued to drink. Suddenly, everyone disappeared except for Ry, Tara and myself. Somehow, we all ended up on the floor and he was kissing the two of us. What? I know...I have no idea how that happened. Well before we could begin the menage (thank goodness!) M called me. I think he was shocked that I answered the phone since it was 4:48 am...but I was looking for an excuse I think to extricate myself from the situation.

M and his friend came over. Ry ended up passed out face down on my couch. M's friend was not far behind him. For some reason Tara and I were holding our own. Again, I'm not sure how this situation happened but M and I started kissing (if you don't know who M is...he's my ex boyfriend from quite a while ago...I think over a year!). Somehow yet again, Tara got included in the action. Somehow, we all ended up in my bed. I don't think M knew what do with himself (bless his little heart). He kissed us both but ultimately he and I retreated into our own little world. I'm nearly ashamed to say that I have no idea where Tara ended up during this time. I think she stayed right there in the room..but I don't know. Obviously, I shouldn't mix drinking, Tara and boys that I end kissing since I never had this kind of "problem " before. I'm not really the sharing type. In fact I was releaved to hear from M's mouth that Tara wasn't realy involved except in the intial kissing (of him, not me). I had to check to make sure that my hazy alcohol induced recollection was correct...and indeed it was. I don't mind trying new things in the bedroom but adding another woman really isn't my style.

So that was my Friday and early Saturday morning. I went to bed somewhere around 6:45 am and started all over again at 12 pm. Last night I took it pretty easy. I went down to the FQB and listened to a fairly shitty band play. I ran into Billy as he was walking out and I was walking in...damn! After he left. I surveyed the crowd and didn't really see anyone that I was interested in talking to, so after consulting my friends and hearing what they had planned I decided to head home.I was home and in bed by 12am knowing that I had an event I had to attend looking fresh and not hungover.

Writing this blog is next to pointless...why? Because Chelle and I went out to celebrate her new status as homeowner and everything is very fuzzy. Drunk wouldn't even describe what we were last night. The bar itself wasn't the most fun...I scratched my corneas so I can't wear my contacts. Being the vain and shallow girlie that I am, I put my glasses on my head but didn't pull them down. They were there as a security blanket. I'm completely blind without them.

I talked with Derek a little while totally blitzed. I confirmed that I'm going out to Denver for Thanksgiving...whooo hooo. Who knows, maybe we'll have sex in a different state? ha ha. right. And then...Billy came into the bar. Billy, being the boy that I hooked up with a while back, then he went back to jail for violating his probation...etc...Sooo cute. Ok, ok...I know it can't be good for me but...you know where I'm going with this.

Chelle was wasted at the bar. She saw B. Remember B? She hooked up with him back in the winter and was totally crushed when he turned out to be a total asshole. Well because she was wasted and I couldn't help her with self control because I was equally drunk, she went up to him and talked to him. As the bar was closing, she begged me to invite him back to the basement bar so being the "good" friend that I am...I did. I couldn't even tell you who all was here...I remember the bartender from the FQB with the metal plate in his head (he used to think I was cute...now I don't think so any more. It must be the plate in his damn head that makes him fickle), B came, B's friend (who, if he was looking for ass...he could just keep on looking!), some girl I went to college with, Billy and Derek. Now I'm sure there were other people there but I just can't remember who! Ultimately, the only two people that mattered were Derek and Billy.

Derek was my chastity belt. He supplied me with good conversation, plenty of laughs...got me paper towlels when, somehow, I sliced my finger open. Now here was the problem...Derek, man of my dreams who obviously doesn't want to sleep with me, is in my house while Billy, msn of my bed was also there. Most people could just deal with this...especially since we know Derek isn't going to sleep with me but Billy will...so the obvious display of affection would go to...

Yup, you guessed it. Derek. He is my moral compass...my chastity belt...my mother, if she were worried about my sexual promiscuity. So while my sure thing Billy was strutting around my house, I was acting like a nun. Meanwhile Chelle and B were banging like a screen door in a hurricane in my guest bedroom.

I woke up alone on my couch...in different jeans...I haven't figured that little mystery out yet. I remember people trooping out from the basement this morning...I'm assuming since I didn't hook up with Billy, the girl I went to college with did. Shit. Derek, do you have to ruin everything? Don't you know I can't whore in front of you? This sucks.

I may have a new crush...but I'm not ready to disclose it just yet...because it's complicated. I don't know if it's a compensation thing or if I'm actually drawn to the man. When it becomes more clear, I'll let you know.

So I'm still looking for ideas and this one caught my eye...and I will also problem get "While I breathe, I hope" tattooed on me somewhere in latin.

Ithink this one would look absolutely stunning on my center back...it looks pretty similar to the lilies I already have on my shoulder. Another one I'm thinking about is this fairy one with the moon...but I don't know if I'm really a fairy type of girl. But this one intrigues me...keeping in mind I would always change it a little so it's unique. I also was thinking about the mermaid idea...since I'm a pisces, and a scuba diver and I'm just plain awesome :) There are two that really caught my eye, although I'm not sure how I feel about boobs tattooed on my back. (You have to click on the photos to see them...otherwise it's blank).

Well last night was Derek's going away party. It was pretty fun. It was held at the FQB and there were a bunch of bands as well as Derek's own. All the bands played well and Derek's band certainly didn't disappoint. They had everyone clapping their hands and moving their hips to the eclectic sounds of gypsy punk rock.

Chelle came to join the festivities from a wedding. The wedding was fun but she didn't want to miss the night. I have to say, it was REALLY hot in the bar. It's not really a bar made for the amount of people who were there. Because Chelle went to the wedding, she assumed the role of drunk girl for the evening rather than myself. Shots of Jager, Jamison and Tequila were flowing like water. At one point Chelle said that she wanted to go up to thitwbar but I couldn't bring myself to leave the FQB--granted I barely talked to Der all night; but you know in my twisted little head I needed to be in his presence for as long as I could be. Two weeks to go.

Brian (aka Eduardo) made an appearance at the FQB last night. Hmm, he definitely wants to hook up with Chelle or myself...or both of us. The humorous thing of last night is when he showed up and he totally looked like a poor man's Magnum PI...the mustache was more than a little odd. I know, I know...this coming from the girl who has been hanging out with a man who has a handlebar mustache who constantly twirls the ends like a dasturdly deviant (this man being Derek's roommate). Why it works for him? I have no idea.

Since I drove to the FQB and both Chelle and I were way too intoxicated to be behind the wheel of anything...we had to make the decision whether or not to walk home or talk some fine young men into driving us. Being the lazy ladies that we are we talked to some of the guys and asked if they wanted to go back to my basement bar. The irony? I asked Derek and he said no...who says they want to go back? His roommates. (I'm shaking my head right now) So we walked our asses back up to Derek's place and his roommates give us a ride back to the house (with Brian in tow).

As soon as we walked in the door, Chelle disappeared to pass out. I was left to entertain the boys. Lo and behold who should come skipping down the steps twenty minutes later? If you guessed Chelle you'd be wrong...it was Derek. I guess he was lonely in his house since I had all his roommates (except the gay one who looks like the red headed nerd from Revenge of the Nerds...he might've been at home because he didn't come over). Derek exasperates me. He didn't want anything to drink. He didn't want to play the dice game that we were playing. He just sat there...well, actually he played with my dog and together they succeeded in ripping another one of the dog's stuffed animal's heads off. Then he said he was going to wake Chelle up. And off he disappeared. She said they didn't talk long...she didn't think. But who knows? Either he was wandering around the house, or they were making out and she doesn't want to tell me because she knows that I would become murderous :) Then he trots back downstairs, hangs out for a little bit longer and then announces that he was going home.

The boys and I played dice for a little longer (I now have a new game to add to my repetoire) and then the roommates left, leaving just myself and Brian. Brian and I played a little game of I'd sit on the couch and then he'd sit practically on my lap. I'd hop up and go to a barstool and he'd then appear in my pocket. I did the dodge and weave for about five minutes until he finally got the hint that I wasn't going to kiss him. I'm not sure what it is about him that recoil from him...but there's certainly something.

This morning Chelle woke me up in a panic because she couldn't find her license, various lipsticks etc. I vaguely remembered her falling on our walk to Derek's house and so I said we could go look. And then I thought perhaps she left them in Mike's (Der's roommate with the amazing mustache) car. I called Derek and mentioned it to him but I could tell he wasn't really awake...and...annoyed with me. I felt peevish as I hung up with him because I accomplished nothing. He didn't check the car, and I hardly think he even woke up. So I had Chelle drive over there and I searched the car myself. Of course, her stuff was strewn all over the front seat of the floor. Really we shouldn't be allowed out of the house. If it's not me, it's her...and sometimes there's the dangerous combo of the two of us drunk off our asses.

So again last night I'm playing darts with Derek's roommates and what do I do for the second time in front of these boys? I fall flat on my face. It might have something to do with the fact that I was wearing hooker shoes. It might have something to do with the fact that I drank my body weight in alcohol too. Either way, I was taking no further chances...I took my shoes off at the bar and for the rest of the evening I was barefoot.

Derek was busy sitting with the stick figure model girl from Monday night and her friends while I was playing darts with the other boys and Chelle. Chelle left me at the bar at 12 because she had to work this morning and I was supposed to be meeting up with some other friends at the bar. They showed up around 12:30 but by that time I was three sheets to the wind, running around barefoot and talking up a storm with everyone and their mother!

The bar closed down and we decided to continue the big party at my house. My neighbors are probably very excited for me to go back to work so that I would stop having these impromptu weekday parties! It was a pretty nice group of friends...although I'm sure in my inebriated state I probably followed Derek all around my house. But perhaps not. Or shall we just say, I hope not? I believe the classiest part of the evening occurred when I passed out on the futon while everyone was still partying! That is class with a K! I heard from a reliable source that I snore quite gently when drunk and that the party continued without me for about another hour. I received a charming email from one of my guests this morning that said, "There were quite a few odd sheningans going on while you were sleeping (bless his sweet little heart for saying sleeping and not saying "while you were passed the fuck out") and I think I impregnated your dog...sorry." That gave me a giggle...I've got perverted friends. Chelle was quite the trooper as she said that she "thought everyone left around 5 am" poor kid, I'm guessing she didn't get much sleep before she had to go to work!

Yep, I think I finally did it...I think I finally partied my ass off just enough that I'm ready to go back to work. Derek's going away party is this weekend...I'm going to miss the bugger.

Yesterday I was quite proud with myself and how much work I got done for work. I don't go back for another two weeks but I decided rather than kill myself with all the running around last minute. I also made it to the gym and stayed there for two hours...and then I decided to booze it up a little at thitwbar with a couple of new friends of mine.

As soon as we arrived I ran into Derek out in the parking lot smoking a cigarette. We chatted for awhile about randomness, for example he said, "You've got the worst handwriting...you can't even read it." I grinned a wide face splitting smile and said, "That's only because you've only seen me drunken love letters to you. My handwriting is actually really, really nice." He returned the grin, "Yea, half the time I couldn't figure out what you wrote down." I grabbed for the door handle of the bar and stepped inside. I turned around and laughed, "That's probably a good thing Der. See you inside." And I felt better knowing that we could continue with the friendly banter...he was definitely distant and cold last week.

It was a fairly quiet Monday night at thitwbar, locals were all there for the $1 drafts and the free pool. I whooped ass at darts last night--I'm thinking it may be a next career move. Professional dart player. I'm sure there are professional dart players out there. Ok, ok...I'm not that good, I just played with people who were that bad!

When Derek got off of work he was talked into playing pool with this gorgeous brunette stick figure of a girl. She was definitely into him as she rubbed his head and shook her cute non-existant hips to the music of the jukebox. Sure I felt pangs of jealousy, but I pushed them down because I know that that's not something that's going to happen, but our friendship is. So I decided to play music instead of worrying about the jealousy issue. And of course, I played great music that you couldn't gyrate your hips to...ok, so I'm not perfect. Sue me.

As I looked at different songs, Derek would pop up behind me and hit the buttons...he did this about sixteen times. If I wasn't smitten woman acting like a 15 year old, I would've gotten exasperated by his antics but instead I was happy that his attention was focused on making me laugh rather than making the dancing/model pretty girl laugh that he was playing pool with. It's the little things people...when you have nothing else to hold onto, that's what you hold onto! Over the course of the evening, I played pool with a very handsome man who had just gotten off of work. Paul noted this, "Your body language screamed, 'Get away from me you sexy man...I want to talk with Derek!"" Well yeah, I guess there's that. I also found out why Billy hasn't been around...he's uh...in jail. Yeah, I sure can pick 'em huh? Well it wasn't anything "too" big, the dummy forgot to call in to his parole officer.

I tried to make the night last as long as possible since Derek joined us up at the bar after we had all given up on pool. Pool sharks we are not. We were a very sad lot indeed. I sipped my beer very slowly as he entertained me with little stories heaped with sarcasm, until finally...there was no reason for me to stay any longer. Twenty days...gotta make 'em last you know?

Last week I went out with Brian and he continually called me Chelle. ALL NIGHT. I told him that if he had Chelle on the brain, I could call him for her. He just apologized and told me that I could christen him with a new name. So I renamed him Eduardo. In fact, I even changed his name in my cell to mirror this new name.

I saw Eduardo (Brian, for those of you who can't follow the story) last night for the first time since then. He had sent me a couple of text messages on Friday night about going out but I had ignored them because I was going down to the FQB. So last night he was again very apologetic about the whole thing (frankly, I had forgotten about it). When I went to the bathroom he leaned over to my friend and said, "What do you think I can do to make it up to M?" She suggested a dozen roses (ha ha...look at her trying to get flowers out of the guy). He just shook his head and said, "No, I don't think that would be good enough for her...she'd expect something better than that." (Huh? No one ever gives me flowers...what do they think I expect??)

A couple barstools opened up across the bar and my friend and I grabbed them. She leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I think Eduardo likes you. A lot." And I sighed. Because I don't like Eduardo...and this is just what I get for wishing that someone liked me. Well at least he's moving soon so I won't really have to deal with that.

So I've been pretty negative lately, this is part of the reason I haven't been posting. It's not that I don't think I should display my negativity, it's just the fact that I haven't been able to put it into words right now.

There are several things working badly in my life right now, the least of which is Derek. Although--that's what I'll probably I'll write about in here, because the other situation, I still haven't decided what I'm going to do, how I can resolve it and how I can write about it without causing greater harm. Yeah, that was the single most vague statement ever. But let's just move on from there.

I've been feeling very isolated and completely alone lately. I can't say that I hated this, but it's been a dangerous trap I've been falling into when I don't necessarily want to be around anyone. Derek leaving has definitely had me less than chipper (not as bad as I thought I woud be) but no more so than the fact that he's been so distant lately. In my mind I thought that we'd strengthen the friendship that was actually growing and that we'd part as good friends. I no longer think that's possible.

I took the approach of staying out of his way, since we were both in the same places this weekend, because I know that he has a lot of people that he wants to say goodbye to and I didn't want to monopolize his time. Well of course, we know that I did want to...but I had enough respect to not do that. Let's just say, Derek made his rounds to everyone and their mother and I got two very curt "Hellos" in two days. Ok, you can't fall in love with me, fine...but what the hell is this all about? I'll never understand him.

So my dog and I were walking to the car when I was accosted by my across the street neighbor who ran across the street shouting my name. He then proceeded to pose the most perplexing question I've ever heard in my life. Here goes (everything in ( ) was my internal dialogue):

"Melina! Melina! You work across the street right? (I nodded and rolled my eyes...everyone knows that I work in the building behind my house) Well about 10 years ago I was walking my dog and I found these keys (WTF? 1o years ago? where is the question in this question?) Well, the key chain says Property of a _[nsert where I work here]___ Grad. Do you think you could take them and try to find the rightful owner of the keys?

To which I responded quietly, "No. No, I don't believe I would be able to do it. Perhaps you could take them to the police and they can dust for prints? [my words were dripping with sarcasm at this point].
"Say, that's a great idea! Thanks M! I just might do that." I watched in wonderment as he took the handful of keys, hopped into his BMW and zoomed off...most likely to the police station.

Why am I surrounded by neighbors who make my life more and more like a Kafka novel on a daily basis? It would be funny if I wasn't accosted daily when I step outside my home.

After my night, as well as hitting a good portion of Clerks on Comedy Central...I've decided that I hate my life. I will post more when I can be more optimistic and/or I can tell you all the evil things are that are going on.

Tonight I wasn't planning on going out. I was in class from 8 until 5pm and I just wanted to hang with the dogs. It was a tough choice to make because I knew that this was Derek's next to last show with his band. I didn't want to go alone...Chelle had planned on going but she worked her way into getting a set up for tonight instead. I put on my jammy's and just enjoyed the night.

Paul kept calling me and asked me to go out with him and his friend. I agreed and we ended up at the FQB where Derek's band was playing. The band rocked. They are totally a gypsy rock, punk band very similar to Gogol Bordello...I didn't think it was possible. I enjoyed every minute of it. Their talent really took me aback.

It was a fairly uneventful night otherwise. It was about a gazillion degrees out...and about two gazillion inside the FQB. I drank. I talked to a new friend. I watched an old lady ( and I mean old) get so drunk that she clawed her husband accidently on her way to falling flat onto the floor. He was bleeding from his face, and he struggled to pick up his wife. People offered to help him (including Chelle's skinhead puppy) but he just struggled/dragged her out on his own.

Derek and I didn't talk at all tonight. For one thing, I showed up right as his set was starting and for another, he obviously doesn't appreciate me. It's ok...there were SOOO many people there to see him play for his next to last show. It was a true testament to how wonderful a person he is that the room was packed. At one point, our eyes met and I gave Der a half hearted wave but I never looked back over to see if he returned the wave. I chatted with numerous people but my eye always caught on him. He touched my shoulder briefly and said, "Bye M." and I didn't even turn around. I just said "Bye." and went back to the elderly magician at the bar who was performing magic tricks. It truly was a "game," I really felt like I couldn't turn away from the old guy who was trying to valiently to teach us magic tricks that we ALL learned in second grade.

Talking to the old person as Derek tapped my shoulder wasn't what I wanted to do...but it was the right thing to do. I hope karma remembers me in a good way! And yeah, as decent of a time I had tonight the only real thought I had was "23 days". Too bad that's not what he was thinking.

Anyways...I will post when I can. I'm taking a week long class learning IMovie and IDvd, it's great fun! So now I'm in the midst of editing film and writing a really long paper to go with this class...not great blogging material.

I did, however, get a chance to get out for a few scant hours last night. I caught a glimpse of Der but I didn't talk to him...I think we're going on a week now of not hanging out. I guess a clean break is probably best since there's only 24 more days, but it really just makes me more sad because I know these are a bunch of days I could be getting a few more laughs and my final Derek fix. But he's busy, saying his goodbyes to his real friends.

I ended up hanging out with Paul and Derek's roommate last night. We hit the old folks' bar for a little karaoke action. There weren't many people there but the boys tore up the stage...both of them did a great job. I met Derek's roommate's dad last night who told me that the only man he ever hated in all his life was...you guessed it! My dad. That didn't bother me one bit, especially when he gave me his reasons...but I'm sure he felt a little uncomfortable. I felt bad that I inquired if he had known him. I only asked because he (Mike's dad, not mine) bartended at thitwbar for 20 years. From now on, I'm not asking anyone, anything!

I could have a great post...but I don't.
Instead, I possibly have pink eye in both eyes (I'm self medicating with prescription drops that I have from many other bouts of pink eye), a grad class that is sooo much fun but it runs from 8am to 5pm and the summer time blues. I got the pink eye from the dog who also has pink eye (the dog got it first so the canine gets the blame).

I got the summertime blues because of the obvious...I'm not going to talk about it (him) right now or I'll cry (28 days) and because I've been tinkering around with all these fun Mac super powered computers, awesome digital cameras (which makes me miss my top of the line camera) and wonderfully fun programs and I wish I could afford just one of them. It's the best class I've had in a looooong time. Oh wait, it's the first time I've taken a class in a long time. Finally, I'm getting back on the ball. I even took my sadness/anger out on the eliptical for over an hour today...keep that up, I'll be looking wicked soon.

Oh and is it bad that I'm watching Laguna Beach and realizing that I learned nothing about men and dating since high school?? I'm exactly like those poor girls chasing after men who are just horrible (not talking about Derek). Let's hope they catch on quicker than I do.