This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Friday, December 31, 2004
You Should Just Love Me...Because You Should.
So of course, last night I went to THITW bar where I think I've gained ten pounds from all the courage...ahem, alcohol that I've consumed over the past five days. I can honestly say at this point--I'm almost glad my vacation is coming to a close, because this boozing has been pretty darn tough on the old system. I realize now that college, although only four years in my past, is a lifetime away. My liver is crying mercy. So is my ego.
Last night my friends came out to support the cause. As I said before, I'm usually a love 'em and leave 'em kind of girl (not in a heartless way) but I just haven't been one for commitment. So nearly every single one of my friends finds it absolutely hilarious that I up and went crazy- all in the name of Drk. For hours I put up with my friend Ry screaming Drk's name so that he'd come out from the back and then Ry would just point at me. Greaaaat, that's what I need. I'm not an asshole on my own, I need my friends to help. Thanks Ry, you're great.
I held onto the belief that I should just admire Drk from afar because when I'm drunk I just start extolling his virtues for the world to hear...that worked until about the eighth Molson Golden. That beer coincided with the bar kitchen closing down and Drk (bartender in training) came out to bartend. That's when I surpassed myself in all things idiotic.
Let's see...what didn't I tell him? I didn't tell him my middle name, but that's about it. I told him that he should sleep with me because I have a lot of money riding on the idea of me having sex with him by Monday (what? Why would you tell him that?Umm, are you trash? You sound like trash...head hanging in shame). I told him that, "You should just love just should." Good argument Melina, you should've been an attorney. I told him, "I love you. In a lustful, in rapey kind of way. I asked him why all of the resistance?
"Are you gay?"
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Do you not find me attractive?"
The answer to all those questions were no, no and yes-you're really pretty! "Then why?" I persisted.
He stated, "I don't date customers."
"I'll walk out that door and never come back if you'll go on a date with me!"
And then he dropped the real bomb.
He lives in a church (I knew that but...) smack my forehead please. I thought it was an abandoned church, but it's not. He's holy. I'm Mary fucking Magdalene! So anyways, this whore didn't win the boy but she's not giving up. Maybe I won't be going to the bar as much but, I will continue to tell Drk that he should love me, just because.

I'm a moron, but as I told Drk last night, "when I'm in love, I know it. And sadly, I'm in love with you." It can't be helped. I'm thinking of getting a shirt made that says, "Just love me already!" What do you think?
Thursday, December 30, 2004
A Necessary Apology
I was just reading "Bathroom Reading" a fantastic blog which comments on other people's blogs and links you to them. Although he is OBSESSED with font size, he's funny and insightful--also who am I to criticize anyone about being obsessed? ha. My apology is for the Coldplay video which is the bane of my existance now. I can't remove it because when I do, it screws up the code...I can't add a stop button (though I wish I could) I am an html-tard. So keep putting the volume on mute and curse my name...sorry!
"I'm going to bed, you coming?"
So last night I went to THITW bar and of course the first person I saw was Drk. We said our hellos, I attempted to crawl in a hole and die...but I survived the ordeal. My friends were all good natured and told me to write my feelings down--on a coaster. Ha ha guys! So all night I was passed coasters, but my dear readers I didn't write on a single one of them. This is odd though, Cr and S said that all night Drk stared at me. Everywhere he went in the bar he glanced over at me! My explanation for this is easy. Just like a hiker needs to look to see where the rattlesnake is so that you can avoid it and not get bit, Drk was making sure the crazy girl was in her seat. And I was. I behaved myself to an extent. I won't say that I didn't talk about Drk, but I didn't talk to him and I focused on the rest of the male population in the bar. That's when I got myself into a wee bit of trouble.
I ended up talking to Mt (don't confuse with the bastard M--who was at the bar as well last night, J was also there...refer to 'Late Night Callers post if you don't know who I"m talking about). Mt and I hung out all night, laughing like maniacs and a great time was had by all. I met a really strange truck driver who was trying to impress me with his skilled tongue. He kept whipping out his tongue and telling me to get "my man to use this trick tonight" Ok. Will do. Actually, I really did, but that part of the story comes later.
Mt came back with us to drink in the basement bar and play some card games like drunk driver (I know, I never grow up). Well Cr and S went to bed early because they were tired so it was just me and Mt in the basement. Finally, I said, "I'm going to bed, you coming?" I walked upstairs to my room and waited to see if anyone was going to follow. I wasn't let down. Mt came in with a grin that could light up a room. Ladies and gentlemen, I had a really great time; Mt had one satisfied customer, but I'll be slightly classy and let you use your imaginations. So it wasn't Drk, but it was fun nonetheless. As I 'pine' for Drk, I have a feeling I'm going to have sex with half the people in our town...I really wish he'd hurry up and love me--he's turning me into a slut (ha ha).
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
A Glutton's Tale
So I'm a glutton. A glutton for food (which I deny myself all the good stuff so that I can maintain a slender frame on weekdays), a glutton for alcohol of all types and most of all...a glutton for punishment.
I just got out of the shower and just finished applying my makeup...attempting to look as perfect as possible so that I can go to the bar and get laughed at. Why go, you ask? Well first of all, I do a lot of stupid things so I'm getting better at dealing with embarrassment. Secondly, it's my local bar so I better just suck it up and deal.
So I look good, I feel good and dog-gone it...people like me (kidding of course!) Drk, eat your heart out--a week from now, you're going to kick yourself for not taking me up on my numerous offers (hanging head in shame) one of which was put into writing last night. Apparently, I wrote two rough drafts, which I found in my jeans' pocket when I did my laundry this afternoon! The final draft was written on a coaster which Cr said Drk looked at with a puzzled expression and then threw it away. Damn, I feel like a stalker!Next thing you know, I'll be boiling his bunny! Kidding. I doubt he has a bunny. Since you folks don't know me, I'm sure that's the impression you get too...but I promise I never go off the deep end like this, and half it is joking around, but I don't think joking translates well when you're drunk and feeling randy. Alas, I am a moron. A loveable moron.
The Sweetest Part of the Deal
The best part about leaving the love letter is that I'm going back to the very same bar tonight. This is for several reasons, one, I'm a glutton for punishment. Two, I secretly (or not so) hoping that Drk will be flattered by the gibberish/my heart on the back of bar bill. He should just love me simply for the sheer fact that it would be a great story to tell our children, grandchildren, send in to Reader's Digest etc. But alas, like Harley said, "Fuck Drk" and to that I say, "I've been trying-hard!" There are probably more reasons but those I'm not going to go into because I think I probably should be lying on a psychiatrist's couch right about now.

PS. Apparently, I got really friendly with one of the guys that came back to hang out with Cr and I. I slipped away to go to bed...and mope and pass out, because I'm not lying- I consumed more alcohol than I think is humanly possible. The next thing I know, I wake up and Cr told me that one of the gents came up to my bedroom and made out with me and according to her, I was responding in a favorable way (she walked in). I hope it was fun for him because I'm sure I was a zombie! I should feel violated but since it didn't go any further I don't really care...and it was a compensation kisses from drk, but plenty from some sleezy guy. It's not fair.
Wooing tip-Don't Leave Love Notes for Boys at the Bar
So guys, the dance is almost over. I gave Drk until Monday to fall in love with me and/or ravish my body--and it doesn't look like it's going to happen, and here's why:
After talking to Cr we pieced together my actions which are shameful. First, I mooned over Drk, I know I was supposed to be Victorian/prim and proper--instead I was drooling fiend. Then as I got more drunk, I started speaking to Drk (that was a mistake...speech was impaired by four shots of kamikaze and about twenty beers. I saw this kid that I haven't seen since kindergarten, but he obviously still looks the same because I struck up a conversation with him about his identity. Before I left the bar--ladies and gentlemen--I wrote Derek a love note. I have no idea what it said but I know I labored over it long and hard--just simply trying to move the pen! I am hanging my head in shame,but it doesn't really matter. If he liked me or wanted to like me, he would've chuckled over the note and laughed but he still would've been wooed by it. I don't think he was.
Hangover sweet (?) Hangover!
So I am most definitely hung over. Crystal and I went to the bar around 7. I bought a cheeseburger from my boyfriend-who-doesn't-know it yet...sigh, because I was starving and we stayed I think until 11:30. Cr, in Cr fashion, called S to tell him that she was single again. He offered to drive from Jersey to offer his condolences (read hot sex). I'm apparently an idiot. Two very good looking guys, one of which is FINALLY single, were talking to me--but all I wanted was Drk. I think I blew the bet though.
I asked him if he could take a smoke break and play pinball with me. He laughed and said that no, he couldn't stop for pinball and that he got into trouble last time. I think before my night ended I asked him to come back to my place and hang out (not a proposition, since there were quite a few guys coming over!) but he refused that too. I think he's done with me. I'm going to tell him the deadline tonight, so he can decide. Last night I realised how short he is--I love it!
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
The Fantastic Mini Poll Will Be Closing...
The mini poll will be closing tomorrow at 6 pm. That's about the halfway point of my little seduction plan--so it seemed a good time to do it. I obviously will let you know how the poll goes and then if the plan actually succeeded or not. I need suggestions for the next poll. What do you think my friends?
I Can't Say That I'm Shocked
Well I just got a tearful phone call from my friend Cr. She and her boyfriend have broken up again, maybe for good this time. The last time they broke up it was because she wanted to date someone else. She kissed this someone else before she broke it off with her bf...this kiss and the month that she spent with the someone else comes up all the time randomly in explosive outbursts from the boyfriend--ex. They could be having a nice, quiet dinner and all of the sudden he'll ask, "Did you ever make this mean for HIM??" . He obviously cannot get over this trust issue, and I'm not saying that I blame him, however, he can't continually verbally abuse my friend for the rest of their lives. It's either let it go, or let her go.
Today, it came to a head when he punched a hole in the ceiling. She called her mom and I, and we both said the same thing--Get out of that house, now! I am now getting ready because we're going to cry our eyes out over some beer, and shots-lotsa shots! It's a good thing I'm on vacation, because tonight is going to be very messy. I'm just happy I can walk to the bar!
The Bastard Known As M
Harsh words I know, however, he just text messaged me asking what I was wearing. I laughed considering this to be a joke and text(ed) back my jeans and sweatshirt that I was actually wearing. "Can you be wearing garters and stockings within the hour?" was his reply. About six months ago...the answer would've been yes. So I sent a message back that I was going out with friends shortly for a late lunch (which may be cancelled I have to check on that one).
"Oh I was only joking" was his reply. Hmm, maybe...but I don't think so.
I tried to hold I simple conversation with him (through text messages) and he just stopped responded.
Hmm. Guess he didn't get what he wanted.
Oh well.
This is just so annoying because he has a girlfriend who adores him and I wish she could see what kind of a semi-snake he can be. She'll learn, or she won't, makes little difference to me.
I'm So Angry I'm Shaking!
I was just hitting the ye old 'next blog' button and I came upon a young "". I know that as an educated woman I shouldn't be angry because someone has an opinion different, no no-radically different from my own...because that's how progress is made, through a give and take of opposing views. And I am calming myself down with that thought, BUT...(you knew there was a but coming, right?) This is what I read:
Tuesday, December 28, 2004

its starting again.

killer waves sweeps (if you noticed) non-christian nations.

i think its God's way of telling us that he's not happy - there's just too much sin in the world.

i really thank God my dad and his family is home in one piece - they were in penang for the weekend and i'm really glad my sis and i decided not to go in the end.

my dad said he saw a smaller wave come in while out jet-skiing with my bro and people at the shore were calling them to come back right away.

then the bigger wave came in.

i really really thank God my parents are safe and that i express my heartfelt condolences to victims of the earthquake measuring 9.0 on the ritcher scale.

death toll? right now its standing at 39,000.

How can you express "heartfelt condolences" to people after you've suggested that the reason why their loved ones died is because they were godless heathens? This is why I'm completely against organized religion-(this is where I need to change that statement as made clear to me from a very wise comment from JHM). I'm not against organized religion because for many this is their belief system and I'm sorry I made that stupid statement. I'm against stupid people who use their God as a crutch to unleash their ideas of moral superiority and divine right upon the Earth. The ideas of love, compassion, neighborliness (not a word but you know what I mean) go by the wayside and it becomes more of,"My God is better than yours." No wonder our world is fucked up. Sorry about the tirade but it angers me.
C'mon Girls and Boys...see what kind of Girl you are! I'm a dork I know

You Are the Girl Next Door!

You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry.
Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love.
But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it!
You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life.

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

The Gift Worse Than a Chuckie Doll
For Christmas I gave one of the dogs a little gingerbread man bicuit. This biscuit will soon be the death of me. Like Chuckie (the little doll that attempted to kill everyone) the G-man appears everywhere I am. I fear that my dog is worried that one of the other dogs will eat it. Rather than being a logical pup like the other two, (who merely chomped theirs down in a minute flat)this one keeps hiding it around the house. I went to the bathroom--it was behind the toilet. I went to clean up wrapping paper trash(I'm a slow cleaner)-it was buried amidst it. I went to take a bath, it was in the bath tub. I went to get my boots to go out with Cr, it was in my boots...and so on. I wish he would just eat it already! As I type, he's carrying it around crying looking for a "new" place to hide it. Pretty soon, I'm going to do a mercy killing...remove it from the hiding place and give it to one of the other dogs. This is why I probably shouldn't ever have any children. I'm mean.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Bummed out...but not.
Well Cr and I went out as planned but as we passed the bar of my was freaking closed! What the fuck is that! Apparently this is the only bar that has social values and morals...that closes at 5 fucking pm on Christmas Eve and stays closed until the Tuesday after Christmas! So needless to say, no Drk...this isn't boding well for my week long deadline. Oh well. Cr and I had a fantastic time non-theless. We hit our old favorite watering hole which was so crowded. We went to the bar out in the boondocks which was too packed to park her new car in the parking lot so we left...we went to the bowling alley bar-which wasn't as bad as it sounds...and then we went to the one bar my dad told me never to go to. it was like the twilight zone, it was the best bar we were at all night. Sure, it was a hole in the wall but everyone was polite to the point where it was hilarious! They even gave me money to put songs in the jukebox!It was a great night. Cr was laughing because she thinks it's so funny that her bf thinks all we do is pick up men, but in fact we had the most fun with each other.
On that note, I'm hoping to go to TLHITW to see Drk tomorrow!
Sitting at home makes me read...poetry
So here I am, still on vacation and I should be cleaning but instead I pick up every book I've ever owned and page through it...this is daunting because I have thousands of books (I am prone to exaggeration but this I'm not exaggerating). I picked up a book of Lawrence Ferlinghetti's poems (A Coney Island of the Mind) that was given to me by a guy in high school. It's pages are yellow and brittle (as this is my 10th year out of high school, I'm thinking the book has aged prematurely, because I can't be old, can I? ha ha, don't answer that). So anyways, I'm trying to think back to this guy and the funny thing is, I can't. I love these poems so much and yet the guy responsible for bringing it to me eludes me. Here's a great one (a short one) so that you too, can experience the Great Ferlinghetti:

It was a face which darkness could kill
in an instant,
a face as easily hurt
by laughter or light
"We think differently at night"
she told me once
lying back languidly
And she would quote Cocteau
"I feel there is an angel in me" she'd say
'whom I am constantly shocking'
Then she would smile and look away
light a cigarette for me
sigh and rise
and stretch
her sweet anatomy
let fall a stocking

There you go, now don't you feel cultured? I'm watching Beautiful Girls right now, great flick...great quote,"A Beautiful girl is all powerful, and that is as good as love." "Hope on high heels." What do you think it means to you?
Last Night-Game Plan Solidified
Of course on my day off I still get up at the crack of dawn! Woke up at 6:30 (which is still an improvement on my "real" get up time) and couldn't fall back, so I got up and took the dogs out in the snow. Brrr, snow!
So last night Cr and I did our gift exchange, it was great! Cr gave me about a million presents and every one of them suited me exactly...thanks girlie, you're awesome! I especially loved the pj's with the pink dogs on them, they're great.
So anyways, after a warm and fuzzy gift exchange we decided to head on down to Target to do a little after Christmas shopping. Cr bought some stuff, I refrained since my credit cards are about to self destruct!
After shopping we decided to grab ourselves a couple of beers and discuss what we were going to do with ourselves for the next week. Luckily, we have the week off together, which is nice because during the week our schedules are pretty opposite. Cr's boyfriend also has the week off which is cool, but Cr will have to balance her time wisely, otherwise the boyfriend will get jealous of the time we spend together. I don't blame him, we're a lot of fun!
So I filled her in on the Drk deal--the fact that I only have until Jan 3rd for him to either like me or screw me (those are his options), after that I'm done trying. She liked the idea, because she likes a project, plus any time I'm interested in someone, she takes notice. And to be honest, I hardly know the guy, but I want to! So we are going to his bar tonight and on Weds night as well. I suppose if I need more time at the bar I'll have to enlist Ml to go out on Tues and Thurs, but that probably would be overkill (I'm kidding with that part, i KNOW it's overkill). So a boring post today, but perhaps a better one tomorrow with an interesting tale (I hope!! Keep your fingers crossed for me). PS. I finally got sick and tired with the music video thing, but now I can't take it out. Every time I remove the code it screws up my whole blog, so it remains--for now. Sorry y'all!
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Turning my blog into Vegas baby!
Bored out of my mind, with all of my friends still with their families and whatnot, I decided to add a few things to my blog, and so my adventure began. As clueless as I am, I managed to cut and paste code (ha ha, how freakin' easy it sounds but I had a brief struggle!) and now I have all kinds of things on my site. So if you get annoyed with Blink 182 singing away...for now, I'll tell you to put your sound on mute...I have a feeling I will get sick of it too--very soon. I won't be adding anything else, other than the occasional polls, which I find fun to make-kind of takes me back to seventh grade and the notes that ended with, "Circle yes if you'll go to dance with me." And who doesn't like to go back and remember those 7th grade days? Tell me who?
Best Album of the Year?
So now that the year is ending...I ask you a question that is most important in this time of war, turmoil and massive tsunamis- What do you think was the best album released this year?
I'm thinking Modest Mouse's-Good News for People Who Love Bad News or
Franz Ferdinand or
The Killers Hot Fuss

What say you, dear public?
Saturday, December 25, 2004
my christmas gift to the me Mother Theresa

What Flavour Are You? I am Chocolate Flavoured.I am Chocolate Flavoured.

I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt. What Flavour Are You?
Friday, December 24, 2004
Will I Grow Up? I Don't Wanna...(say in a nasal tone)
Most of the time I'm completely content with my life. I like the fact that I have my own house, my own dogs, my own cd collection full of fantastic music, my own wonderful books, my own clothes strewn on the floor...but then those married people rear their ugly heads and look down their noses at me, they condemn me with their eyes and with their mouths they shake their heads and say, "Another holiday alone" sometimes it's a statement and somethimes it's a slight question.
Let me say this loudly and clearly-I do not want to be married. Right now. I change my mind every day about what's my favorite color, could I possibly commit to one man? For the rest of my life (or the typical 7.4 years of American marriage)? I don't think so.
The latest "showing of my ineptitude as a woman" was done twofold. First, my best friend of over two decades--who is happily married and reformed slut...reminded me that "You're not getting any younger, so stop acting like it. You don't need to f*@k the cook at the bar. You're a beautiful, successful woman, stop romancing the dregs of society" (this is a direct quote after I regaled her with tales of D and my new crush on drk) what the f-@k does that mean? Obviously I'm not getting any younger...nor do I want to--teen years I looked awkward-bleech! Number two, dregs of society? I don't recall bringing home the murderers, rapists or drug dealers...whatever. To my best friend I will say, thanks for being concerned about me. I know you love me and want me to be as happy as you are. And I am. I don't want to be married, I don't want to be in some crazy serious relationship right now--and I know it kills you that I turn men that offer me that away. I'm ok. I'm me.

The second stupid thing that made me feel like I was ten was when I opened up a Christmas card from one of my old friends from high school. Sometimes we try to be friends again which is a monster of a mistake. We are so different now and that's perfect, that's the way it should be...I don't want to be the same person as I was when I was eighteen, but appearently Jme does. She too, is happily married (to a man who once hit on me at her Christmas party several years a man who skeeves me a man who groped me when Jme wasn't looking and received a knee to the man who is a rich, successful loser). At the end of her stupid card she asks, "So when are we going to meet the next man in your life?" The next implies that there are a long line...which perhaps there have been but do you write it in a card? To Jme I say, it's not my fault that when I told you that your gross husband tries to molest me, it's not my fault that he's the nastiest boy on Earth, and it's not my fault that I didn't enter into a contract of monogamy. I'm safe and that's all that matters--so until I say I do, I can say/do just about anything I want.

Perhaps this is a case of...the truth hurts--one friend worries about my choices of men and the other implies that I'm promiscuous.

But, I'm ok with my decisions and I like who I am...and I hope that I get invited to some stupid posh event and I'm taking the biggest, most tattooed biker that I know with me (if my sweet little DRK doesn't take me up on my offer). So there. Nanny nanny boo boo! Rediculous post number II, they shouldn't let me out of work, I have too much time on my hands.
Dingo's Delight? Perhaps...Perhaps not.
For the holidays I decided to spoil the boys and fill their stockings the brim. As we all know Labrador Retrievers are known as the gluttons of the dog world--so Santa Melina has brought them loads and loads of little chewies and treats, of the likes these pups have never known. For the first time I have purchased them "Bully sticks" because of the inner debate/dialog that I have with myself. I always steer clear of the bully stick but I've given in and purchased them.
my debate stems from what they are...which is bull penises to be precise. I just never wanted to see my dogs gnawing on shrivelled, slim jim-esque and KNOWING..."My dogs are eating penises." Do you think they will gain a taste for them? Will they attack my dates at the door? I jest. But it is a creepy treat to give your dogs don't you think? I bought them anyway and it provides me with plenty of doggie down time because they clutch them in their paws and gnaw away. Disgusting, but peaceful. I know, I know--this is a rediculous post.
Musings about Piercings
Since my obsession of everything of DRK is in full force, (for this week only...after that, I will find something/someone new to relish in), I was wondering what it's like to kiss someone with a mouth piercing. I've always been attracted to men with piercings (which makes my mother hang her head and mumble something about never having grandchildren and my father grunt/groan/mumble something about why did we bother sending her to college if she's just going to go out and bring home...and then he usually trails off--which is complete hiprocracy since Daddy's tattooed to high heaven--so there pops!)
So back to my musings...Drk, I can't wait to kiss you! I'm a virgin to your mouth masochism...and it makes me wonder/fear (kinda, but not really) what else you have pierced...although, I'm not a virgin with those or much else. sorry.
Sleeping Beauty
Wow, I feel refreshed! After it was clear that none of my gents would go to bars with me on my quest for DRK's flesh I realized that I was running on lust body was dead tired. I slipped into my polar bear flannel jammies,(since I wasn't going to be working my seduction skills I didn't dress up like a minx) took my pups out for a brisk walk (I think I did that first before I jammied up actually) and then I crawled into my bed. Eleven hours and forty three minutes later I arose...dogs everywhere, all my stuff everywhere (namely socks, they love my dirty socks--pervy dogs!) because the lads had been up for hours while their favorite gal was still in her sleep coma. Today is my first day off in a long time but the funny thing is, I don't have anything planned...maybe I shall start the cleaning process at least on the lower level as I am having Christmas dinner here! Happily, I have a very small family since my ma, pop and I are all only it will be just the three of us. Imagine that dinner table though--three spoiled brats on one table! Nah, we just know what we want... ;)
I Could Use a Night Out...Again
Well I wanted to go out but no one else does and I don't want to be that girl that shows up at the bar alone. Plus, that's not exactly part of my plan, remember, subtlety. So no drk tonight. My first part of the mission has been temporarily aborted. I will post something interesting tomorrow, as for right now, I'm completely focused on drk and can think of nothing else. I really think I'm smitten! That makes me happier than you know! He's more than just a goal, he could be a keeper...keeping in mind I could change my mind tomorrow (but I hope not!).
Ernst I hope you killed in your bloody meat contest tonight!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
The Evil Mastermind At Work and Rest
I am tired and cranky...even though I was home by twelve, in bed by twelve thirty, I have been tired all day! I guess I'm the type of girl who needs her full eight hours.
For those of you who care or worry about me, I did not talk to M, nor did I reveal my location of the evening so as not to be tempted by free and easy availabity. As I also said before Drk wasn't loving me as much as I wanted him to, and if you don't know the female makes him that much hotter!
Here's my plan...I have about a week off starting today. I am going to eat,sleep and breathe and live at THITW bar that Drk works at. I will be friendly, but not overly. I will not initiate any conversations with the sweet little man. I will eat the burgers and fries he cooks me with reckless abandon and relish every moment of the calorie fest. I will accept the frosty brews he hands me with his well muscled,well tattooed forearm and drink them slowly, savoring the elixir...but I will not invite him home with me- no matter how much I want to kiss his sexy pierced pout. I'm going to make him beg to an inch of his life...and then...and only then...
will I win. And that's what really matters right?

After that-- I plan on sleeping for the rest of the vacation; so Drk better get his butt in gear by Monday, otherwise I'll have to move on to a new target. The essence of this whole plan is subtlety. That what I'm know for...being subtle. Ha!
Melina plays the word, backfire.
So I decided to go out. Actually no, more accurately, my friend Cr called and asked me to go to the local hole in the wall (now to be referred to as LHITW). I agreed. Now remember this is where Drk works who... I propositioned twice in very drunken states.The first time he came over I was passed out on the floor and like a gentleman he left...either that or my dogs scared the sh*t outta him! The second time he was a no show, but I was outta control drunk.
Tonight, I played cool and aloof--which was hard for me and way outta character. I don't think DRK "loves" me anymore (waaa). He served me all my drinks and he did everything I needed him to do but he was only a a few shades over the friendly bartender towards me. He looked like he wanted to say more, and he also looked at me like I was possessed by someone Victorian and demure. Meanwhile I thinking that I wanted to tip him but I wanted it to be in the privacy of my own home and I wanted it to be x rated...but I digress. I behaved myself and I stayed somewhat sober.
I was sad, but I left without saying goodbye. It's probably good because I don't want him to think that I hit on someone every time I go to the bar--I only hit on him (at that bar). The slut in me wishes that I had told him to come over but...that's what batteries are for I guess...self-restraint, as taught to me by two c batteries. I'll go over tomorrow and cast the batteries aside...I hope.
Taking Bets on M
So I'm bored and I'm thinking of the predictibility of human behavior and I have a question for all y'all out there (that horrendous grammar was intentional). What time do you think M will call/text tonight? Or do you think he will keep old Melina hanging until tomorrow...or longer still? One thing is for certain, I will not text message him (first).
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Stupid Mellie
I just did something pretty stupid...I text messaged M and asked him if he wanted to meet me at the local watering hole since I have a very light day at work tomorrow. Basically I was trying to lure him out and see what his nocturnal phone calls were all no avail.
The message I get back is that he's at another bar with his best friend.

That's what I get.
Late Night Callers-have you experienced it?
I am tired today and let me tell you why! Both J and M (if you don't know who they are...J was a steady hook-up from over a year ago. It was strictly physical and eventually I guess I started dating someone and stopped seeing him, M was my little 22 year old cutie that I dated for a few months,nothing serious) called last night after 12:30am. The good thing about this is the fact that they both realized that calling after 3:30am on a work night would never get me out of bed to answer the phone...the sad thing is, they still call after 12:30. I wake for no man (sorry!) Now I can understand why J calls late, he bartends and so he typically sleeps during the day and works at night. The annoying thing is that neither of them leave messages. They both wait until it's time to leave one, pause a few seconds as if to say, "melina...I love you...I need you...I can't live without you..." but apparently words escape them and all I hear is the dial tone. Perhaps that wasn't what they were going to say, but a gal can dream, eh? I think I'll stay up to 3 tonight/this morning and give them a call- I want to see what's on their minds (even though I could probably guess). Does anyone else have this experience? I mean J and I have been done for over a year, going on a year and a half;no hard feelings on either side...M and I have almost been done for a year. Why now?
Dig that Hole Deeper, Melina!
So as I was just thinking that I should probably post one last time before I get my shower my phone rings and I see that it's not a number that I recognize...uh oh, could it be? Yes, I gave my number out on Friday. If you haven't read previous posts, long story short--on Friday I decided to rid my local bar of all it's supply of Canadian short, I was more drunk than I was I think on my 21st birthday--and for no apparent reason either. It was Friday and I decided to go three sheets to the wind.
Well R was kind enough to ask me if I remembered who he was and I admitted that I wasn't exactly I whipped out the digital camera as he described himself. He is an affable gentleman, with a wispy blond hair (possibly a mullet? not sure because he was wearing a hat). Anyway, R was incredibly nice and would like to hang out and in fact asked me to come hang out at the local bar where I caused my Friday night scene. I opted out of that one, but...he asked if he could call me after the holidays and I acquiesed--thinking I made my bed, now lie in it (not literally!! I can't possibly do that to myself). So I'm wondering, will I blow him off or will I speak with him again? I will probably chat with him some more and be nice to him, since I will be seeing him at my favorite hole in the wall...but I don't want to lead him on. R and I- possible best friends in the future perhaps??
This leads me into another tale of man woe...when it rains it pours obviously. My comfort levels are sinking to a dangerous low. M, my ex 22 year old ( a couple years my junior) sent me a text message asking me if I was awake at 12:30. Unfortunately I have to go to bed pretty early because I wake up at the crack of dawn so his message woke me up. Discombobulated (sp?/is that a word?) I got up thinking it was my alarm and started getting ready for work! When I finally realized that it was only 12:30 I went back to bed...but it makes me what evil is lurking in that heart of man? Only kidding, he's a great person and tons and tons of fun but I'm not in the mood to do the whole, "I want to get back together" which in M-speak is, "I want to have sex with you." His M-speak would be fine if he would just come out and say it, I probably would've complied (especially with the mood I'm in now). I like men with integrity. Say what you mean and expect to get slapped, but don't lie to avoid it.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Tom Hanks juggling, terrorism or T.O? I'll take TO for $400 Alec...
Today as I sat waiting for my mother to finish her work day so that we could meet for dinner at the designated site I was once again drawn to Oprah. I swear this is not a common occurence in my life (except for this week). I found damn near hilarious that there were three tvs in the waiting area of the eatery and there was such a "diverse" selection of programs. On tv one we had Tom Hanks juggling tennis balls and promoting his feel good film--Polar Express. On tv two we had an update on Terrel Owens' injury (which I admit is slightly important) and on tv three we had a breaking update on the possible bombing/terroristic attack (the worst in Marine's history on a Marine base) where 24 were killed and about 84 others were critically injured. Which tv screen do you think had most people slack jawed and drooling? Yep, Tom Hanks juggling. I'm not making a judgement...ok I am...but didn't people used to care when the US went to war in the past? I am completely against the war and Bush, however, I certainly feel for the troops who are stuck there/believe in what they are doing and are risking their lives for the sake of oil...ummm I meant democracy. By the way, Jesse stay strong!!( An acquaintance of mine/best friend of one of my best friends from college who is the Army Corp of Engineers).
Monday, December 20, 2004
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-my own private mindf*ck
I just watched the movie again for the second time. In a way I felt like you erased me from your memory and I guess I went away easily enough--I doubt I have that lasting effect on you as you have/had on me. I attempt every day to erase you but for many reasons (most of which are unknown to me) I am unable/unwilling to forget you. Instead, ESotSM makes me think about and remember you all the more vividly, and I'm not sure that it's a very good thing for me to be doing.
I "hate" the fact that I am thinking that I "missed" your birthday (who could forget the Boston Tea Party), the greeness of your eyes; actually the greeness was startling but it was the way that you looked at has ever looked at me like that, either before you or since you.Well since you, I haven't really let anyone look at me like that. The way you looked-it was intense, but a nice intense. It made me want to see me through your eyes. I miss the way you say Hello on the phone. I miss the way you said my name...all those lame things; but your words echo in my ears in a way that nothing else reverberates. I miss that moment we got caught in the rain when we went to the park for a short hike. We stood huddled in embrace laughing as the cold rain absolutely drenched us. Or the time where you set up a beer pong table (basically your aunt's kitchen table) when I told you that I felt old and that I missed college, beer pong and kicking cute boys asses... Damn it, I'm crying now. Why is it that I am prone to emotional outbursts when it comes to you and no one else? I have moved on physically and for the most part, mentally--but the days are there that I think about the things that I mentioned above and plenty of other pointless and now meaningless thoughts. Would it be better if I could completely forget you? You made me a better person by knowing you, and I had more fun with you than any other person in all the world--even when we did the most mundane things in the world. I could've shopped for rugby socks with you forever...even though I knew you'd only play a few games.
I hope you are well and I hold you in my thoughts fondly. I hope one day, we'll run into each other and that the meeting is like the characters of Eternal Sunshine...unexpected, vaguely familliar but kismet nonetheless.
Oprah and the Teenage Hookers
Wow, watching Oprah (something that I don't usually make a habit of), apparently there's a new trend of middle class teens prostituting themselves after school. I must be getting really old because I don't think I ever would've pimped myself out at the age of 16. Strange concept but I guess it's no worse than what I do now...except I don't get paid. But mental note, when/if I choose to have children, I'm making sure they play sports in high school. I don't think there ever was a day that I wasn't at school until at least 5:30-6 pm...and I guess I was too tired to think about getting johns to hang out with me, or maybe I had some self respect...or maybe I just had some good parents, dunno what the combo was, but I guess it worked for a while.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Martha Stewart's Cellmate
At this particular moment...after going upstairs and looking at my room with the critical eye of an observer, I realized that I am an absolute slob. This really isn't an epiphany or anything...I have been a slob since I went to college. As my roommate N taught me to just leave everything on the floor as hangers are for those who have nothing better to do with their lives. I blame the nightmare upstairs on her. I pity her husband, because today this day as a married woman, leaves everything on the floor as she takes it off. If Martha and I were chums she'd help me get organized! Wonder if during her future stint of inevitable community service she could come clean my room for me, as I am far too "busy" (read lazy). Maybe I can straighten up over the holiday break...I must over the holiday break.
A Non-Alcoholic Finish to my Weekend
Cr came over and we decided to try and finish our holiday shopping. She was working on two hours of sleep-I don't know how she does it, she looked gorgeous as always when she showed up at my door! The two hours of sleep was due to the fact that her boyfriend, who is in a band, decided to start a screaming match when he got home from his gig at 3 am because she didn't answer her cell phone at 2am (um hello-I don't think he realized that she was babysitting me at the time!). We headed on down to the mall and let the misery steal over us awash. People walking/bumping/downright sacking us from the left and the right. 'Tis the season to be jolly right? Someone should get the word out to the rudies from last night!

Before we left I showed Cr my bruised knees and my digital camera shots of the gents from the night before hoping to be edified. Giggling with glee she informed me that I fell on my porch steps (nothing too exciting or new about that one)...and the camera shots she just laughed at because they were taken when she left me loose on the bar while chatting up some man from her past--someone from high school who was nice to her before she was the ravishing lovely that she is today (I don't think she wanted her little drunken monkey of a friend botching that up for her,no?). So anyways, we looked at the pictures laughed and then headed off. I feel a bit sentimental though, I don't want to delete these fine boys of my lost evening but I don't really want to print them either. I'll just leave them on the camera to amuse me for just a little while longer...
Cr's phone kept getting text messages all night from B (the guy she was crushing on in high school) while at the mall...uh oh...I sense more screaming battles with the band boyfriend will be in her future. Sometimes I miss being in a relationship but other times (like recently) I don't miss it at all. Of course, I'm a one man kind of woman when am in one which makes my life a little easier than that of Cr's! She throws curve balls into her own life sometimes, but she certainly keeps us on our toes!
Saturday, December 18, 2004
arrrg! binge drinking soothes the soul but wrecks havoc on the body...
I have a headache straight from the depths of hell...when am I going to learn to drink responsibly?? No time soon apparently. As I sit here dehydrated and in pain, and with bruises on me knees(?), I'm reviewing my evening both mentally and with my digital camera. Apparently last night at some point I decided to take pictures of every male in the bar...I have loads of smiling/waving men in these pictures that I have vague recollections of, but do not know. The nice thing about digital is that after I show my friend Cr (the soon to be sainted designated driver of the evening) I can delete them, perhaps she can shed (embarassing) light as to who these gentlemen are.
On to another subject.
Last night I saw K.. K used to be my best male friend until he started dating M. M apparently is either threatened by me or is just crazy but she never allows K and I to hang out alone. We used to go out all the time but now we are restricted to stiff conversation seated at the bar with M in between us. Don't you think that if I wanted to have sex with K I would've taken that opportunity a long time ago? In factI never even wanted to or even thought about it (in my experience I tend to at least think about the "what if we..." with my guy friends, maybe not taking it to that level but I still think about it)...not that K's not attractive, he is, but he's K. We never even pondered the idea, but apparently that's not good enough for M. M should get a grip on reality and then go ruin some other guy's life. K is like a stepford wife now, it's sad. He used to have a personality!
When Cr and I left K and M to discuss their china patterns and whatnot at the first bar, we headed to the ol' tavern that is right around the corner from my house...I have to say that I had motives involved with this trip. After text messaging D and receiving no reply and decided that I wanted to see Drk. Derek is the short order cook at the bar (Cr and Ml think that's an ex con's job, but I think he's a hottie so he can be an ex-con for all I care). Anyways about three weeks ago, Cr, Ml and I were there and the bartender was feeding us all free shots, that's when I decided to talk with Drk for the first time. I made him play pinball with me, obviously I'm still trapped in middle school courtship rituals, at the ripe old age of, well, late twenties. I love pinball, sue me!
Apparently during my pinball marathon (Cr informed me I played about a zillion games-true scientific number) with Drk, my drunken alter ego/slut invited him to come home with me, citing location as one of the bonuses of the deal! He had to do the cleaning and stuff and then he'd "try" and stop by. That Drk, trying to play it cool and smooth when he's dealing with a drunken slut, gotta love him. Let's just say that night didn't end in the way I was imagining it. Ml dropped me off and the next thing I know I wake up at 6am (which is my curse to always wake up early in the morning) sprawled on the floor next to my dog, the keys still in the door, and no Drk. with that background said and done, let's flash forward to last night. I haven't seen Derek since that night. Last night Drk was looking as cute as always. We talked for a couple of minutes, laughed about that night, since he did come over at 3:30 am but when he knocked he knew I was out cold! How embarassing it is to be me sometimes! I'm a great person when I'm sober, I swear. But I am just trash when drunk. So last night, I invite him over again...this time taking preparation to ensure that he could come in even in the event of a passout, this is how much I wanted sex. I put a note in the window, I left the light on/door unlocked (basically your average serial killer welcome mat) and...I wake up at 6am on the couch with the dog and no Drk! I was stood up. Fairs, fair I guess. I must take some aspirin to sooth my aching head now.

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Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Somebody stop me!
So I've realized that I'm impulsive in every area of my life! I just spent $178.00 MORE on Christmast gifts...I thought I was done, but I just had to go and do it again. It's all stupid stuff too. My friend was in a really horrible car accident recently and by sheer luck she came out of it with some serious injuries...but she should've been dead (I'm so glad that she's not). For her, I got a japanese good luck statue that is supposed to guard you after near death experiences. I don't want to go into the other purchases, I just know that the mailman is sick of dropping off heavy cardboard boxes off at my house and the idea of wrapping everything that's sitting in my dining room is getting less and less appealing. Do you think it would be lazy if I just called everyone over to come pick up their piles...if the ungrateful bastards turn their noses up at this idea then they lose their gifts. I jest (for now...check back as the eternal procrastinator waits until dec. 24th to begin the wrapping that is required of her).
On to other thoughts, I think being single for Christmas will be very fun this year! I have a cute little tank top that has a couple of presents on it and it says in pink, "Unwrap Me!" and I think that this will be my motto for the holiday season...perhaps I'll get a few unexpected surprises myself! We can hope. In fact, that spurs me to call up D and see if he can't swing on by. Perhaps it won't be a surprise, but it definitely will be worth unwrapping.

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Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Well I've been puttering around on here trying to find new and interesting bells and whistles for my blog or whatever I'm supposed to refer to it as, and as you can see it's still fairly bare! Ah well, what can I do?
So today was a pretty good day. Work was fantastic as always (I'm not being sarcastic), I really love my job. I had some time to read a little while I was there. Now I'm at home and I know that I really should go upstairs and clean the upper level of my house. The daunting task looms in the distance because again I'm choosing not to do it! There are so many other important things for me to know like sit on my butt and listen/sing to music, and play with the animal (who keeps hitting me in the head with her very heavy biscuit ball right now because I'm not giving her enough attention!). Well rather than suffer a concussion I think I will play with her for a little...hope everyone else managed to have a good day as well.

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Help me out! I'm a newbie!
I want to add some things to my blog and I don't know how to, because I'm inept it seems, with a computer. How do I get my tagboard to show up here? I have the html code for it but I guess I tried putting it in a post?? What should I be doing? Have pity on a new girl and help her get this crappy little site off the ground...please! Any and all help with be greatly appreciated. -Mellie

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Books, books and more books...
Here are some of the books that I have read within the past couple of months that are noteworthy...see I do more than just critique dates, I also read folks--imagine that?!?

Can't remember the title right now but I'll repost it...when my brain comes back to me...- very quirky, kind of coming of age novel...with a twist. Odd though the author was killed in a tragic plane crash, the afterward was written by Michael Chabon who wrote Wonder Boys, which I found completely interesting because as I finished _________ had just started Wonder Boys.

Wonder Boys- If you liked the movie, you'd love the book even more!

Dry- Great book by Augusten Burroughs. It's a really funny book about don't think that's possible but it is. He also wrote Running with Scissors, which is quirky, odd,sad and fantastic all rolled up into ones. Both books are memoirs so they are fairly interesting.

An Unfinished Life- as with all things written by Mark Spragg, it was poetic and nearly epic. This book is nowhere near as good as The Fruit of the Stone, but I'd still recommend it. Stay close by fellow book lovers; over the holidays, I'll be sure to read plenty more.

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Monday, December 13, 2004
crash and burn...
I'm in a posting mood today because it's that time of year again when I become a depressed little girl and this is when I typically curl up in a ball and watch really deep movies, take notes on them--write...tonight however, I'm not watching a deep movie at all. Do you remember that 80's movie,Some Kind of Wonderful with Eric Stoltz and Lea Thompson? Probably not, and I'm not suggesting anyone run out and rent it (although it's kind of funny to see the guy who plays Stabler on Law and Order:SVU play a biker/skin head of sorts). Well I'm watching that movie and just being dumb and thinking about the one time I've actually been in love...I mean really in love; and I wonder if that experience has totally warped me for eternity. I hope not...but you never know. I'm not typically the type of girl to get hung up on a guy. They come, they go and I'm happy--but V could've stayed forever. The nice thing about him was that he helped to improve every aspect of my life...the bad thing was, I obviously didn't improve his very much. Ah well--I wanted to talk about it but I don't want to go into any detail because it's embarrassing. It truly was a time (afterwards) when I clearly slipped off the deep end...not like boil your bunny crazy, but the "I''m going to die alone and no one is ever going to fill a space in my heart like this again" moping. Not that I might not potentially die alone, but at least I'll have few friends filling my bed before I go. I gave up on love and I believe it gave up on lust and I became happy bedfellows. That probably explains the most of it. I'm sure I'll post more before the evenings over...I'm feeling maudlin.

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Dream Date Proves that I'm an Idiot!
Yesterday I went on date with F. He came here,we played with the dog for a little and then we decided to go out for dinner. We managed to have comfortable conversation with each other for hours and he seems really open-minded, intelligent and yes...attractive. But is he attractive enough? That's really not meant to be as snotty as it sounds, the problem is--is he cute enough to distract me from my latest "waste of space-man o' the hour". I mean F's cute. He's about 5'10" and he's skinny in a skater kind of way and he looks like an adorable little kid. But as we are having fantastic conversations about saving the world and all that good stuff, I'm noticing that my shoulders are considerably broader than his. Then I was picturing him naked in bed with me and I kept thinking, "baby bird". I bet it's not as bad as all that. I wonder if he was checking out my shoulders and wondering if I had to make it to Monday night football before the game?
The true problem with this date was...the whole time I was thinking about D. Ok why think about D? Our "relationship" is based upon the following: sex on Thursday, phone tag calls all day/night on Friday...and then when F left yesterday, D came to get what he left behind. My God! In an instant I wanted him. He's unconventionally hot, and his low voice vibrates in my ears and gets the rest of my body tingling, (amongst other indiscreet things). I swear while he was talking, I didn't hear a word he was saying...I just kept licking my lips and wonder when he was going to stop messing around with words and just rip my clothes off. Alas, my body was not as enticing as the Eagles game and he left me hot, bothered and annoyed that I physically desire a man I hardly know, would probably dislike if I did know him, and a man who I only met on Thursday. I only got a few kisses-but even those left me dizzy.

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Saturday, December 11, 2004
Doomed to repeat myself
Well Thursday night I went out with my friend Cr., she finally took a night off from her boyfriend which was nice; we decided to check out our old favorite watering hole...trouble ensued. We managed to get good and drunk(which I don't recall planning to do), we talked to everyone that we had formerly had a relationship..ahem...slept with more than once, talk to a few nice new available men, and Cr. talked to the guy that she slept with before she got back together with her boyfriend. This is not a crime right? Wrong. This guy C. is a good friend of Cr.'s boyfriend...and from the way they were looking at each other and talking with one another, it doesn't appear that it is truly over. At least for that night it was just verbal foreplay...but knowing Cr as I do, I doubt that will be it.
So Cr.'s run in was not the trouble I was speaking of. It was my own run in that was my downfall. On the way out the door, I stopped by this very attractive gent and asked him, "Why has the hottest guy in the bar, hanging out by the door?"...someday I'll be killed by a serial killer because Cr and I invited him to follow us back to my place. I entertained him for a little while with slurred conversation (I certainly wasn't in any shape for any of this...) and the Cr decided to leave. This is where it all gets a little hazy, and a little sweaty too. I remember making out with D. on the couch in the basement and then the next thing you know my cute little cotton polka dotted bra is on the floor and I'm having sex in my bedroom. Not exactly sure how I made it from the basement couch/floor to the third floor...but I did, and obviously not alone. I certainly hadn't planned that, especially since the cotton bra is not usually part of my seduction, nor is the fact that I hadn't shaved my legs! Remember I was planning on having a girl's night out! I'll spare you the details unless of post me a question about it...I love a voyeur.
Well...lo and behold I wake up and Prince Charming D has left...I can't recall if I saw him out the night before or not. But PC D left his ID beside my bed. So he calls. I call him back and leave him a nice little message stating that, "Hasn't your mother ever told you that you shouldn't leave things at a one night stand's home?" He calls me back and tells me he'll call later to pick it up and la-di-da...he calls and leaves me a message that he's going back to the fateful bar that brought us together. Even more fun, he calls at 1:45 while I was sleeping...whatever could he have wanted??? I wonder if he'll call me again? Should I be the one to call him? He didn't leave a message with the 1:45 call...Can he just get a new id? Am I evil? Oh and did I mention that I'm having my first date with F. tomorrow...

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Wednesday, December 08, 2004
So today the guy that I've been talking to for a little while now (to be known as F.) told me that he's a recovering drug addict...clean I think for about two years. It was kind of weird but I knew this already I think by the things that he didn't say. I guess for the most part this would probably be a deal breaker...but I like him enough that it isn't, and my life certainly isn't without blemishes.
This has been the month of weird dating experiences. Let's see...I went on a first date with this guy named S. and not only did he take three phone calls at the table, he also used the N word twice in conversation with m! That was when I asked kindly if he would take me home and to never call me again. you think it's wise to share your inner racist right off the bat? I guess I'm glad that he did because I didn't have to waste any extra time on the idiot.
Another dating experience this month was when C. took me bowling...I kicked his ass because I'm a masterful bowler (as a teenager I attempted to hide this talent). Well I don't really have anything bad to say about the guy. He was definitely nice and full of personality (albeit cheesy), but we just didn't click...that and he told me my dog needed therapy. Um hi, don't you think I know that my dog is hyper...she's a lab, enough said.
I think it must be a full moon...ex's and ex hookups have been calling lately at around 3 am, whatever could they possibly want? M. has called several times and now has resorted to text messages...they are short and sweet with such endearing messages such as..."wanna f**k" and "hey what's up?"...then there's J. we haven't slept together in over a year and a half and I can't say that we were ever dating. But I can say that we have played phone tag for over a year. I keep thinking that I'll take his number out of my phone but for some reason I don't. I guess deep down I'm flattered that he still calls me...although I don't think I'd sleep with him again; not that it wasn't fun, but I think I'm starting to grow up a little.

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Truth Elixir?
Drinking something cheap and red--
(The color of arterial blood and the taste of battery acid)
A hazy fluttering affords me a glipse of...of what?
The past perhaps? My greatest mistake?
Whatever I name it--
It burned me from the inside until there was nothing but charcoal left.
I was/am Pompeii--ash frozen in permanent form.
Sorry I wasn't very discreet- flames bright as they were.
had I been able to skywrite I would've-
Your name.
My heart.
Still blushing/still burning.
Pick Me Up
"He's alright"--
and I obediently agreed with her.
crazy angles, lost moorings, smirks and grins--he was full of them.
Lightning filled his eyes--
In them a paradise of bad behavior.
I knew what I'd do;
As a great lover of men--with a thick protective ego,
At the next red light--I'd sear him with a glance.
Lick my already slick lips and then...
then I will let go,
and let gravity do it's thing.

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