I went shopping.

That might not sound all that monumental but for the past three years I have either been pregnant or not pregnant for very long...this leaves the body looking less awesome than one would desire (unless you are carrying Seal's babies...seriously, what's wrong with Heidi Klum? She's not human! How does a person have four babies and look like that?!?) and it made me not want to shop for anything. Anyways, rather than whine about the state of my body, I spent five-six days a week at the gym for at least an hour for the entire summer. And I still hate my body...but I hate it less and that's what matters--I guess.

I blame my absence from the mall for my mistake of entering American Eagle. Immediately as I strolled in (literally, with my giant double stroller, I wanted to turn around and run away) I realized that I was too old for most of the clothes. But, before I could turn the barge around and get me and the boys safely out of the store, a boy/employee walks up and asks me (slowly, so that I could follow him), "Do you have a smart phone?" When I admitted that yes, I did, he asked, "Do you have Facebook?" (am I Amish?) Again, another yes. "Do you know how to like something on Facebook?" I told him that I did indeed know how to navigate the curious landscape of the easiest social network in the world and he said, "Great! If you like AE on your phone and show the girls at the front you'll get 20% off!"

Typically, this would've just been good news and I would be praising the guy for doing a great job but it was when I heard him just say to a girl after me, "Just like AE on Facebook and you'll get 20% off!" I realized he was WALKING ME THROUGH THE STEPS AS IF I WERE ELDERLY. I banged my stroller from clothing rack to clothing rack attempting to turn the damn thing around, and go somewhere...anywhere, perhaps the nursing home.

* When I first typed the title I accidentally wrote, "Shooping used to be fun" and I cracked myself up for about 2 mins.

When you're a mother of a 2 year old and 1 year old you become resourceful. You have to. It's kill or be killed and little kids are ruthless. Never forget that. I've never been one who planned anything before; I now find myself packing bags in the car that will allow for any situation, perhaps even alien abduction. I'm that good.

However, even the greatest get tested. I got my test at the pool the other day. As I was suiting everyone up (kind of like trying to catch two greased pigs and put bathing suits on them), I realized that I had to pee. Now here's the list of conundrums that go along with this:

1. I have two boys, they don't have a family bathroom.

2. Both boys escape underneath the stall when I take them individually...if they did it together, I would really be screwed.

3. We were a long way away from the bathroom anyway.

So...I did the only thing I could do. I pulled a diaper out of their diaper bag and peed in it. Vaguely in that moment, I let my mind drift and I remembered a slightly more glamorous life. A life full of much more superficial plans and solutions but I was pulled out of the past by my oldest giggling and saying, "Mommy, you have pee on your leg".