This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
Check out my other blogs:

igotyourtexts.blogspot.com

melina310.wordpress.org
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.



Monday, January 31, 2005
Am I A Doormat? Do I Have Welcome On My Back? (Don't Answer That!)
Ok, now I know that it's due to my own behavior that I get treated the way I do. By most men, it's very respectful...obviously this story has nothing to do with those men.
9:58 pm: Melina's phone rings. She looks at it, it reads "Todd" (she didn't want to take his number out because then she wouldn't recognize it). She puts the phone back on the charger.

10:35 pm: The phone rings again, a number that she doesn't know. She doesn't think twice because she's been giving her number out to a few guys. Inevitably, it turns out to be Todd on someone else's phone. Melina is foiled again. "Self-respect" is her mantra as he asks if she wants to hang out with him and his best friend at the other bar (other than THITWbar) in town strictly as friends. Apparently, seeing her freshly scrubbed yesterday at the grocery store has sparked the need to bone her and to tell her tomorrow that he just "might get back together with his girlfriend." Hmm, this story sounds familiar. Is Melina that dumb? Before anyone smacks her over the www, she's not. (ok I'm sick of writing in 3rd person).

So I talk with him politely (because deep down I hate to be called a bitch, even if it's by this weasel...it's my neurosis I guess. It all boils down to this:
T: Please hang out with me and C as friends.
M: As friends? Maybe...as long as you don't try and dick me over again. I don't want to fuck you. And you shouldn't call me expecting to get fucked.
T: Whoa! We just wanted to hang out!
M: (feeling kind of dumb for my zealousness, but at least I made my point clear) If you want to pick me up, I'll go out for an hour. I've got to get up early tomorrow (setting time limits). I won't go back and hang out at your house and you can't hang out at mine. In fact, I'll go to THITWbar instead of where you're at (my turf. even though Drk will be there, I'll feel more comfortable and I know that the bartenders will boot Todd if he acts up).
Fill you in tomorrow. It won't be that bad I promise. I probably shouldn't be going out with him but I wouldn't mind seeing Drk and (this is bad) I wouldn't mind Drk seeing me with another guy, since I shun men when I see Drk. I'll be good.
The Children Are Our Future?
Well it looks like communism here we come! I was reading AOL news because I have no time in my day, nor the fifty cents in my pocket to buy a newspaper (ok, I'm just plain lazy) and it appears that "1 in 3 students feel that freedom of speech is too unrestricted" (implying that more restrictions should be enforced) and that people should get permission to publish certain things after consulting the government first. Hmm, who are these pod children? What things should I check with the government with first about? Maybe troop positions/locations, I wouldn't want to pull a Geraldo Rivera...but since I'm not privy to that kind of information? Should I contact the government just in case? "Hey Pres. Bush! It's Melina! Can I write about making out with boys on my blog? Oh I can? Thanks GW...Peace out yo!"

I wonder if this is a legit article. It was republished from USA Today which, in my mind, is on par with the Star and Yeti sightings and the "I'm having Jack-O's baby" testimonials. However, I support their right to publish whatever they choose! The author says that these youngsters' beliefs may have come from the fact that they don't understand their 1st Ammendment rights. I guess if I decide to spawn/procreate/baby make, I'll be reading my child the Constitution as a bedtime story. And that baby will be playing attention to what I'm reading, damn it!
Retraction...
Not that it's really important but my friend Chelle sent me the following email:

Hey buddy,
Just read your blog....great reading as usual. Unfortunately I have bad news....Franky ate your lip gloss Sat morning so I chucked it....forgot to tell you (sorry). However, if you had left it at the bar I am sure Drk would have returned it.....at least he wasn't the problem your hungover friend and lip gloss eating dog were. ~Chelle


Isn't it nice that my friend attempts to protect Drk's skills at returning my lost items to me? I have a lot of good eggs surrounding me, and not a whole lot of burnt toast (thanks my friend at Cotard Syndrome for the new term to be the opposite of good egg)!
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Cursed. I Broke A Mirror in Seventh Grade But This is Rediculous
Similar to the MooCow's post about his ability to make the cute girl appear when he's doing something stupid/funny looking...I have realized that I have harnessed the dubious power to draw out the men in the world who have either dumped me or with whom I've shared a brief moment with, in front of my mother. Tonight, it was at the grocery store,(mom and I like to bond over grocery shopping). I was looking less than fabulous, but to be fair I was squeaky clean. I sported my "hot librarian" glasses (which has nothing to do with the blogger of the same name, it's just what I've called them since I bought them), my Jake's Bar T-Shirt (purchased for only $3.00 at the bar after a disasterous chugging contest which left me with a very wet shirt) and some baggy sweats. My hair, still slightly wet from my shower stuck to my face in places, and there wasn't a smidgen of makeup on me. This is the real me, which isn't actually all that bad honestly, if I were with someone who loved me for me...but this about superficial relationships.

So looking as hot as I did and accompanied by my mother it was with sheer joy that I ran into Todd (ex from about three years ago, and the man with whom I felt the need to roll around with two weeks ago during a moment of stupidity). This is how it all unfolded. I'm walking past a hundred angry carts and a million people who were checking out. I was moving toward the exit and I feel someone staring at me. I turn and make eye contact, "Fuck," I mutter. My mother elbows me and says something about, "Being a pillar of my community." (Poor sweet ma, little does she know-this pillar has crumpled many a time, and a good portion of the community knows about it) Well I figure that he won't come up and talk to me while my mom is with me and I am mostly correct. He walks right up to me and steps into my bubble (you know, your comfort zone) and says, "Hi Melina," smiles and continues past me through the door. I smile tight-lipped,
"Hey Todd," as I carry my brand new Pez dispenser in my hand because I couldn't wait to open it at home (cripes, why do I still collect these things?)
My ma (the woman who could give Columbo a run for his money)tracks him with her eyes and says,"Isn't that that asshole Todd _______?" Apparently my mother doesn't have fond memories from three years ago and hasn't been briefed on recent events (nor will she ever be).
"Yep, that's him," I reply.
"Have you two been hanging out again?"
"No, not really...let's just get in the car and head home."
She gave me that look. The one that says,"I know exactly what you did, but we don't have to talk about it because I still love you even though you are too impulsive most of the time."
It wasn't that bad of an experience because I could care less about Todd in the grand scheme of things, but it would make my ego feel better if I looked like I just stepped out of a Pantene Pro V commerical and I was swinging my hair to and fro with a radiant glow about me.
Whatever.
It would've been a better experience if Drk ran into me, because I think he looks like the kind of guy who would share a Pez with me and delicately pick the wet hair off of my face. Heck, he'd probably help my mom load her groceries. But that's because he's a good egg. (Notice how I can include Drk into every post, even when he's not even remotely connected to it...that's dedication folks--strictly dedication).
Civic Minded Individuals...Um Yeah Right.
Did you read that "The American Nazi party" adopted a highway this weekend in Portland, Oregon? Maybe they will be like Kramer on Seinfeld when he adopted his stretch of highway and make renovations to the road. You know like paint the macadam (or whatever roads are made of these days) white...because of course they wouldn't want it black or anything. Apparently a chapter of the KKK also has a stretch of highway somewhere too. Do they wear their hoods and long white robes while they pick up trash? Although I'm completely against anything that these organizations believe or have to offer, I think that this type of clean up is far better than ethnic cleansing. Who do you think the PR person is behind this special little project? Imagine that meeting, "Look, we've got to clean up our image. What says hate crime organization that cares? Oh I know, let's adopt a highway! That will get our message out to the world!" Uh yeah, good luck with that guys.

Saturday, January 29, 2005
He's Slipping
Just looked in my purse from last night to see how much money I actually spent last night. It turns out, not very much. Jack, the bartender was picking up all my beers/shots last night because he's the nicest guy ever and he feels guilty that I drop huge tips on him. I drop huge tips because I'm typically a drunken idiot in the bar and I'm paying my indulgence so that my soul gets wiped clean...or something like that. Well in my now beer stained satin pink purse I see no lip gloss. Damn! My favorite, Perscriptives Dandylion...a lovely nude lip gloss. Derek, where were you last night? Why did you let me leave it at the bar? You let me down D...we could've had another moment in the parking lot. Ah well, I've got a backup tube. Hey, maybe Derek will take it home with him and think of me. If he left his lip gloss at the bar that's what I'd do, after pondering why he was carrying lip gloss around. I don't think pirates like lip gloss.
With Friends Like These...
Last night my whole posse and I went to THITWbar. And I use posse because it was an incredible amount of people: Nina, Heather, her husband Ricky, Chelle, Ml, Ryan, Keith,Tasha and her husband and myself...ok well it felt like a lot of people. I think there were more than that, but anyway, I digress. Of course, my main man was working, and of course, I didn't speak to him--because I'm obeying the dating laws of seventh grade. "Ignore him, he will come." So far it really hasn't done much for me except for the fact that the both of us catch each other casting furtive glances at each other. I like the fact that he sneaks looks at me...I don't like the fact that I always get caught gazing at him with love in my eyes. What's a girl to do? Probably give up and pursue someone who does like her. Really? Who does that? Next week I will try the laws of sixth grade dating,"Kick the boy in the shins if you like him. If he pulls my pigtails, it's almost a certainty that he is also enamoured with me." I think this is the best approach effort yet--plus I'll be sporting pigtails at the bar, so that will be equally fun.
So anyway, Heather's husband decided to go home, the rest of the crew left as well and we were down to the hard core drinkers: Nina, Heather, Chelle, Ml and myself. We boozed with the best of them. Soco and lime (southern comfort and lime) was the name of the game for the evening. Shots, shots and more shots.
My plan of not speaking to Drk disintergrates quickly as I continue down my drunken path, this is obvious because beneath this post I apparently asked Drk to take his shirt off so I could take a picture of his back (I know I'm a moron, moving on). Now Heather...that's another story. She corners Drk and demands an answer, "Why won't you fuck my friend Melina?" or something equally mortifying. I don't hear his response because my ears have fallen off after hearing what Heather has asked him. I love her, she has lost her social filter for the evening. Heather comes back triumphant, "He's just not into the casual sex thing." I could've left it at that, but did I? Of course not. Drk breezes by, now unfazed by anything because he's been harassed, poked, prodded and humanly debased by me on a daily basis, and I yell over the music (Kickstart My Heart, courtesy of Motley Crue) "It doesn't have to be casual, we can have sex all the time...and plus I love you!" Ok, I didn't actually say that but I almost did but luckily, I wasn't as drunk as usual and my embarassment filter was still intact.
Chelle and Ml branched off and were talking to some random men at the end of the bar and some guy kept yelling at me to come down to the end of the bar, and he yelled other things too...like, "Wanna make out?" and I think he told Chelle that he wanted to "bang" me or something odd like that. I kindly yelled back (notice this was a night of yelling across the bar), "No thanks, I'm in love with the cook!" or something stupid like that. Before I left the bar, Jack the bartender tells me, "Melina, I'm proud of you! You've held it together all night." That's when you know that you're an asshole, when the bartender compliments you on your drunkeness.
Somehow Chelle and I decided to go to a party after the bar closed with my friend Mikey (Chelle's new soulmate since they have the same birthday). We show up and had so much fun because we sat on the kitchen floor singing songs while some guy played acoustic songs by request. At around 4 or 5 everyone decided to turn in. Chelle got Mikey and myself up at 8 and made us come home where Mikey and I both crashed like dead people on the couches and went back to sleep. That, my friends was my evening. As always though, I reek of smoke and booze and I'm sorely in need of more sleep before I trudge out again. Actually, I think I'm staying in tonight. But we'll see.
Baby's Got Back

The hottest mini dictator's back...The tat's a little different than I remember (in my eternal stupor) but it's still freaking hot, and um, it definitely shows that he loves pirates. Apparently neither I nor Drk have any idea what's socially acceptable. Melina: Drk, lift up your shirt so I can post your picture on the Internet. Drk: Um ok, hold on let me go set these glasses down, serve those men some drinks and then yes, I will pose for your camera behind the bar, in my place of business. The sweet man never even misses a beat with my requests--except for the one about just falling in love with me. Oh and I think we are twins when it comes to obliques but that's ok, because we're both so freaking hot!
Another great Melina pic
False Advertisement..but it's ok, she's married

My friend Heather bought little chicken cutlets from Eckerd drug store. If you don't know, "chicken cutlets" are silicon slabs that you put into your bra and it adds mass to the boobs and lifts them up as well. She had the ones from Victoria's Secret that cost a heck of a lot more, but obviously these provide the desired effect. True quote, "You're going to put this on your website? Do my boobs look ok? Ummm yeah, they look better than ok dumbass. Warning ladies: If you're going to go this route, I'm hoping that you either wear a shirt that says, "Objects appear larger in this shirt" or you come out and spill the beans. I can't think that it would be a sexy surprise to see you pull silicon slabs out of your bra. I can't relate, as I'm ok with my boob size (not trying to sound condescending, it's just I've never had to go shopping for breast alternatives).
Another great Melina pic
Friday, January 28, 2005
Folks, We Have a Confirmation...
My friend Ryan just broke up with his girlfriend of two years, and to be honest it was a long time coming. To ease back into single life he wanted to go out, and folks I didn't suggest it...he wanted to go to THITWbar. What can I say? It's a popular place. So we chatted. He ranted, he raved about the ex. He told me what a deadbeat she was. He told me how it was like having sex with a prostitute (eeeeh?Ry, how do you know?) And then we moved onto the subject of Drk. I told Ry everything that had occurred, leaving no embarassing stone unturned. If you can't tell your friends? Who can you tell?) Ryan stops Drk and asks him about his one tattoo which is a series of bands around his arm and on the inside there's a skull and cross bones. Ryan says, "There has to be a story behind it!" and my beloved says, "I just really like Pirates." MMMMMMmmmm the mental capacity of a potato but I love it (kidding, he's smart, but that answer wasn't). Ry chuckled and I said, "No he REALLY likes Pirates," I say, "D, show him your back." (I called him D! My own little pet name for him!) Now I'm just being a slut because like I said, ink turns me on big time. D whips up his shirt and I'm in heaven. On his back he has this whole sunset scene/pirate ship--it's some really amazing work, I'm sure it cost a pretty penny. No wonder he works so hard at THITWbar.
Ry and I go to leave and in the parking lot Ry says, "I really think there's something there, I think he likes you." I whine in my drunk voice, "I hope soooooo." And right before I get in Ry's truck I hear someone yelling my name (some day he'll be doing that in my bed, but for now I must be happy hearing it in the parking lot). I turn around, it's my husband to be--but you and I both knew that already. He runs up (a little breathless, he still hasn't really quit smoking) "You forgot your lipgloss." I reply, "Thanks, Drk. You're the best." (Someday I'll be saying that in my bed but for now the parking lot will have to do) But deep down, what I was really saying to Drk, "You love me, you really, really do." Lord, do I wish that were true.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Research Paper Topics
I'm teaching kids how to write a research paper in after school help session and I ask them to write down three issues that are important to them now, or will become important to them within the next five to ten years. I had them write them down. My favorite response was this one girl's

A pressing issue to me is my virginity and who I'm going to lose it to and when.

I couldn't stop laughing, but when I finally did, I told her that I didn't want to see the type of research that would go into that paper, nor did I want to see how the issue was solved or resolved.

Hey! Do me a favor if you have kids. Tell them that it's not the end of the world to be a virgin and that not everyone is having sex although it looks like it. I told this girl that today and she responded with, "Oh yeah! And when did you first having sex?" So it was put-your-money-where-your-mouth-is time. I may be a little promiscuous now but it was nice to wipe the knowing smirk off her face (because she thought she caught me in adult doublespeak) when I said, "I waited until I was twenty-one." The feeling of holier-than-thouness left quickly when the girl said, "Fuck that! I'm not waiting that long!"
Yeah I don't recommend it. It makes you want to make up for lost time later in life. Of course, I didn't tell her that!
No Longer A Virgin
No silly...not me! Clark Kent on Smallville(because I'm a nerd and I watch a lot of WB while reading high quality literature) was "tricked" into wearing the red kyptonite necklace which makes him the "bad" Superman. During the time of being bad Superman, he got married in Vegas and began to have sex with his new wife...when the necklace suddenly fell off. Clark was saddened and disillusioned that he had just nailed the hottest female in the world and returned home. That's how I knew that I was just watching a TV show...oh that, and Lana tried to lose her virginity and the guy turned her down.
The Embarassing Text Message
I don't know why I'm posting it, but this one's for Jim. Read my drunkenese because it doesn't make very much sense. I will write it out how I typed it last night and then I'll write what I thought I typed.

sent 2:43 am

Thanks you didnt need but it was generous.im also deleting ur # sorry! didn't realize it was real. u put up w me so ive stopped completelysorry for ur shame

Second text message: Sorry that was really convoluted.

Ok here's what I meant to type had I not been a drunkard:

Thanks for the ride, you didn't need to offer but it was very generous of you. I'm also going to delete your phone number. I'm sorry I've sent three messages to you in the past, I honestly didn't know that it was a cell number. I was just sending messages kind of hoping that you'd get them kind of not. You've put up with me for so long lusting after you and I finally got it through my thick skull that you're not playing hard to get so I stopped pursuing you. That's why I hardly talk to you at the bar anymore, I've stopped completely! Sorry that I've made the both of us laughingstocks at the bar.

Second text message: Sorry I'm a moron and I shouldn't be let out of my cage but on occasion.

All of that is what I meant to say! Oh and the three other text messages that I've sent him over the course of three months didn't say anything embarassing. One said "Happy B day", another said,"Who's number is this?" and the third said, "Derek?"
A Random Thought For The Day
Blogging makes me feel like the character Happy Harry Hard-on that Christian Slater played in "Pump Up the Volume"...except I don't have a short wave radio, and I'm reaching a heck of a lot more people than he did!
Drk...Like Lassie Always Saves The Day!
Drk drove me home from the bar last night. My friend from college and I were hanging out too late, reminiscing too much and having way too much fun on a random Wednesday. The weird part was that about seventy other people were doing the same thing! My friend was yelling at a skin head, which I appreciate her enthusiasm, however, when she weighs in at 107 lbs, I think I'm the enforcer in such a situation...but the real part of this story is that Drk didn't want Nina and I to have to walk home in the (gulp) -3 degree weather-so he drove us home!
Let me set the story up. He got done with his cooking duties around 11:30 and he had to do his clean up stuff. Then he puttered around with glasses and other Barback work. Finally, the man who never drinks sat at the edge of the bar with either a screwdriver or perhaps a fuzzy navel (that's more appropriate for him as the enigma that he is) or maybe it was just a plain glass of Florida orange juice, who knows with him? Nina and I were babbling about god knows what and then it hits me--our ride has left because she had a long drive home. Nina and I live pretty much across the street from one another but rarely get to hang out because of our schedules so we decided to stay and walk home together. This would've been an ok idea except for the fact that I didn't wear a coat and the fact that my very fashionable sweater had little peek-a-boo holes in it. Brrr! Immediately I became cold thinking about the walk. That's when Drk stopped talking to the girl who was wearing a hat similar to his (not a very nice look on her...she did NOT look like a Cuban dictator, but rather an ugly old fish that a Greek fisherman caught two weeks ago-hmm jealous much Melina?) and said with a sigh, "I'll drive you home Melina." What a man! What an offer! I wasn't fishing for offers! I love him even more now!(oh jeez, he better watch out)
We dropped Nina off first and then he dropped me off. I barely spoke since I was tipsy and I thought it would just make him hate me more. But then I went in my house and text messaged him a very long and rambling text that looking at today in my sober state makes me want to blush and cry. Finally, I've found shame! I would've invited him into my abode, but I didn't want to get turned down. Who knows if I would've been, but now I'll always have the "what-if"...you know the whole "Hope Springs Eternal" deal...let's just hope Alexander Pope knew what he was talking about. He just gets better and better...while I get drunk and more drunk.
My Hero!
Much love goes to the MooCow! I'm sure it wasn't all that hard but as an HTML-tard I didn't know what I was cutting and pasting...but the heart of the matter is that Coldplay is gone!
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
How Like a Serial Killer...
I realized as I finally began unpacking a random box of clothes that I have neglected since I moved into my house in May, that I'm similar to a serial killer. Now that's not your average-everyday-run-of-the-mill thought now is it? You know how serial killers keep tokens or reminders of a kill, so that they can go back and relive the moment any time they'd like? I realized that I've grown quite a collection of reminders of past relationships (and the more brief encounters) without even trying (at least I don't think I did). I found a green vee necked long sleeved tee shirt and scrunched my brow for a good five minutes. It wasn't mine since it was a mans XXL, but who's was it? It looked familiar, but how long can you really ponder laundry? I picked it up gingerly and tossed it into a pile for Goodwill. And so it went. Boxers of all colors and patterns, some of which I knew who the owners were since I used to sleep in the boxers when at their houses or apts or dorm rooms in college (yep, the collection was going back a little). I was slightly taken aback, was I keeping these items for a reason? The longer I thought about it, the quicker the boxers went into the trash and the flannel shirts, hoodies and other assorted items went into the Goodwill pile. I was tempted to keep a few things because they were so nice and comfy looking but once I realized that I could identify the man who owned each item, I resolutely tied the trash bag shut--went over to Goodwill and handed my sexual history over to the perky teenager who swung the heavy backdoor open for me. She received the items gratefully, blissfully unaware of what she held in her hands. It will be odd to see my past being sported about town by new men (albeit cheap men) but it's nice to have that box cleaned out giving me room...to collect more? Nah, it's just enough room in the closet to store all the dresses that I've worn only once. Once again, utilizing my space-oh so wisely!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Decisions--can you dig?
I made 673 decisions at work today and that was only until three pm because I was sick of keeping track. Why did I keep track, you wonder? Someone I know is writing a paper discussing different careers, the stress involved and the amount of decisions a person makes at their job. As one of the guinea pigs, I had the honor of keeping track of this, pardon me while I yawn. And yawn again when her professor actually has to read this paper. But hey! Wow, I make a lot of decisions for people! Maybe that's why I'm so tired tonight. Or maybe that's why I make decisions that the rest of the world questions...I use up all the good decisions on my little underlings--making sure that they keep on the up and up!
Monday, January 24, 2005
Next Blog Please...
Since the bloggers whom I read with religious fervor have somehow developed lives and have strayed from their computers, I've been browsing courtesy of "Next Blog." I found this little gem and it cracked me up, intrigued me, made me sad, made me call a friend and get her take on it... What's your biggest secret? Best post anonymous to that one if you choose to answer that question! But if you want a guilty pleasure go here: (whoops...tried to practice hyperlinking and lost it!)

My friend sent me this card recently as I am the expert in etymology...at least that's what she said her reasoning was for sending it to me.
Another great Melina pic

Don't let the horrible scan or the fact that it was once an Oprah book pick (which usually leaves the book dead on the shelves to me). This book is fantastic. I tried to zoom in on the dust flaps but it was a bust and I'm too lazy to do it again. Look it up. Back Roads by Tawni O'Dell
Another great Melina pic
The One
Found out in random conversation that The One (the only person that I've ever said,'I love you' to, the only person I've ever wanted to say, 'I love you' to) got married recently after a very short engagement. I was sad at first. I had to go spend a little quiet time crying alone. They didn't feel like pitiful tears but more like cathartic ones. Afterwards I felt a little better. My chest had less of a tight asthma-ey feel to it, and things were pretty much back to normal. Apparently, without knowing (or I guess verbally acknowledging) it, I'd been hoping that he'd come waltzing back into my life somehow in true Hollywood style (ala Serendipity) and we could pick up where we had left off--before the severe fracture of our relationship. This solidifies it--serendipity is not in my cards. And I'll just have to be alright with that.
Democracy is a Fabulous Thing
Well folks, we're going with "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think" as my new t-shirt. Actually good choice--especially with what I've been blogging about lately. My mother would kill me if she knew her large brained, Master's Degree sporting, Phd candidate (awaiting the inevitable approval) daughter did half the things that I do...and I only tell her a quarter of the tales!

Don't vote anymore! I haven't had time to take it down or to think of what I want to poll you on next, but I will soon. Promise.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Snow Storm Be Damned I Say!
Yesterday my friend Chelle came over to keep me company during the snow storm. One Yuengling turned to three and then we decided to call and see if THITWbar was staying open (you see, it's not just me who likes to go there). The kind voice on the phone told me, "Yep, it's staying open!" So Chelle and I did the most logical thing and we bundled up and headed out into the snow. We trudged the two blocks to the bar and were greeted by five old men sitting on the bar stools. After a while people started to show up and it wasn't half bad. I laughed though, only in our rural area would people be showing up at the bar on four wheelers and snow mobiles! It was Drk's birthday but his show was cancelled. I sent a text message to the phone number that he called me from once saying, "Happy birthday and I'm sorry your show got cancelled". I never really expected him to ever get this or the other two messages I sent, because he doesn't seem the type to have a cell phone. Obviously I was wrong. He shows up at the bar with his friend and sits quietly at one of the back tables. Before he does this though he comes over and says, "I got your message, thanks a lot." He got my message! I'm an asshole. However, I'm not an asshole and he kind of knows it because I've had his phone number since November and I've never called him. I've sent him three text messages in three months. This is a good thing. A bad thing is when I've been at the bar since 6:30 and I'm drunk by 8:30. Always leaving a good impression for my man to be,Drk.(PS I've been receiving well meaning messages about going to other bars but the sad thing is that I live in such an area that there truly are three bars in the area. One of which is similar to the biker bar in Road House).Plus, as I don't drive...I need to be in walking distance of said bars unless someone is willing to be the DD.
At THITWbar, Chelle and I made friends with three young men that weren't from the area. See! I'm branching out, a little! I left Drk alone for the night and ended up talking to these guys for the rest of the evening. After about seven shots of Grey Goose and numerous beers, Chelle and I decided to take advantage the situation. These boys had a DD and were willing to give us a ride home! Hooray! I was a little worried about our chances of making it back to the house without serious injury or hypothermia. Chelle also made her late night booty call to the guy she met the last time she came out with me. He made a late night appearance first at the bar, and then at my house.
The boys drove me home and came in to hang out for a little down in my little basement bar. The one guy sure wasn't having any fun since the rest of us were drunk beyond belief so he cooked up some of my favorite frozen enchiladas. Another one of the guys must've been sad because Chelle had been talking to and flirting with him all night until her man of the hour showed up. Finally Teddy, was a happy boy because I was making out with him on my couch.
But I behaved myself for once. Yes we did go up to my room for a little bit (only because we were grossing everyone out with our makeout session) but he left without any "sugar" (as Ernts would call it). Chelle also behaved, hanging out with her man until the wee hours but also not giving out the goods. Who knew we could be so good!
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Hope Springs Eternal and Falls Flat on Its Ass...
Yesterday after work my friends and I went to the local Microbrewery to give a sad send off to our good friend. She's leaving us and moving to Albany and although she's pregnant, the rest of us took this as a chance to get drunk! I'm sure she was thinking, "Thank God I'm moving to Albany!" All in all, it was great bonding amongst friends. The five of us found each other at work and proved that women can be friends without being catty (something which most of us found to be an axiom of truth previously). After many beers and some teary eyes, three of us ventured over to the local firehall. Basically, it was to embarass our friend Jcke. Jcke probably would've never entered a basement firehall bar where the beer is fifty cents a glass unless we dragged her...which we did. After an uneventful beer there, the ladies dropped me off to get a shower (since I didn't have any time for one in the morning due to my elicit activities with Todd the night before because I only had an hour of sleep before I had to go to work!) After the shower I prepped to go to where else--but THITWbar!

While alone, I put my makeup back on veerrry carefully because I'm a wee bit tipsy and I didn't want to look like Tammy Faye. I take this time to have a few moments of introspection. "Will Todd call me?" "Do I want Todd to call me?" "Will I be upset if he doesn't call me?" and probably a dozen other questions. Todd and I have a past. We dated openly for a while, meaning we didn't get all that serious...but then I wanted to be serious with him and him alone. He didn't. And so I made the decision to part ways because my feelings had changed for him and things would've gotten a lot more complicated. I would've been a jealous, vindictive banshee if I saw him with any other woman. It was a clean break, no booty calls...nothing from either of us. He ended up dating someone and I ended up dating "the one" who eventually got away. So we were both happy with our lives and we definitely made the right decision. But sometimes, in the periods when I'm single I think about him. So I was happy to hang out with him and I'm certainly not upset that I slept with him. He did attempt to feed me lines though, how he and his girlfriend had broken up about two months ago and how it was definitely over and how he too, often wondered if we took the relationship to the next step...you know casual bullshit to try and seal the deal of getting laid.
I didn't believe a word of it. Knowing Todd, he's full of bullshit 95% of the time which is why he's such a successful salesmen. So I didn't believe a word of it, but I wanted to. Deep down, there was a little kernel of hope, that maybe...this wouldn't be a one night stand...I pushed that thought away quickly and resolved just to enjoy the moment. Which I'll admit I did. I went back to putting my makeup on and my phone rings.
"Oh my God, it's Todd," I'm excited, I wanted him to call! I hoped he'd call! I KNEW he'd call! I breathe, I play it cool.
"Hello?" making sure my voice sounds a little breathy.
"Melina, it's Todd."
"Oh hey, what's up?"
"Nothing, just heading down to the city to hang out with some friends from college."
"Oh, that's cool. I went to ________(the Microbrewery) for my friend's going away party after work and I just got out of the shower."(always good to put a reminder of you naked-as long as it's a good reminder).
"Did you see S there? Wasn't he bartending tonight?" Todd asks.
"Yeah, I saw him but I didn't talk to him. He left this really crazy message on my cell today..."
Todd cuts me off, "Yeah he always leaves crazy messages until the machine cuts him off! He talks like he's actually having a conversation with you. He's a crazy fuck!" chuckling into the phone.
"Yeah well he's your friend."
"Well you dated him!" Todd says with a laugh.
"I dated you too, so it shows what kind of taste I have in men," I say laughing back.
"Well actually that's what I called to talk with you about," he pauses. "I had a really, no REALLY great time with you last night. I don't remember it being like that when we were together back in the day."
(Back in the day? Were we together when dinosaurs were around or something?)
"Yeah, I thought it was great too," I reply kind of lamely because I'm not exactly sure where this conversation but I'm getting a hint as to where.

There's more sappy talk that I'm not going to get into because we need to get to the heart of the conversation. So flash forward about three minutes of talking...and action!

"Well last night was kind of a mistake...I mean, not that you're a mistake," he backpedals miserably. "I, uh...was drunk and S kept talking about you, because well, you know how S feels about you...(showing me that S is the only man who's in love with me and sadly he's insane and showing me that Todd's a pretty sucky friend to S) and well, I uh...I just wanted to see you, and be with you again," he says in this tone like he's trying to calmly tell me not to jump off the ledge. This tone is starting to piss me off.
"Well ok, Todd thanks for the explanation..." I respond wanting very much to just get off the phone as quickly as possible. This is cruel and unusualy punishment, especially with the slow pace of disclosure.
"Melina, it wasn't fair and I was pretty much a drunken asshole last night. I think me and __________ (the girl he ended up dating for about three years after we broke up) are going to try to get back together." (In my head I'm thinking, "Yes, yes you are an asshole...")
"It's ok Todd, I don't recall either of us talking about dating or getting married last night, so I think you're safe!" I respond cheerfully (it's a ruse, I'm pissed).
"Good, good. Listen, I'd soo date you if it wasn't for ________, I just feel like I owe her some more time and to see if we can work it out." (I have flashbacks to my friend Ml and her recent heartbreak, and um hello? You'd date me if there wasn't someone better than me and that's supposed to placate me?)
"Well then I guess that's a good thing for you," I say flatly.
"I just wanted to hang out with you and show you that I wasn't the same asshole I was three years ago, but I guess that backfired. It's just that when she called today.." I cut him off this time.
"Listen Todd, I've gotta go get ready, my ride is on her way to pick me up. So thanks for the explanation and have a good time tonight in the city (mentally, I'm thinking, "I hope you get mugged.")
"Alright. I hope you have fun too. And Mellie? I'm really sorry. I'm a dick and I know it."
"Well at least you know it. Talk to you later." I hang up the phone.

I didn't cry or anything because there wasn't a need to. I'm a big girl and I went into the night with no expectations. Hope grew throughout the next day slightly, but I'm a realist so I never put any true thought in us getting together again. Just the typical postcoital fantasy. I went back to putting my makeup on. My ride came and we went to THITWbar. I saw Drk and I didn't even smile because there was a man that I had deeply invested HOPE in. If for some reason I lost that hope, I think I would've been a crying mess in the bar. I mean, come on! Even I know that Drk isn't ever going to be truly interested in me and at best I can bed him down and that would be it, but I didn't want to think about that or attempt it on this particular Friday night. I pushed all thoughts of men aside and focused on having a genuinely good time with my friends. I hung out with Chelle, her sister, Cr and her man W. We had fun, nothing exciting. Cr and W left early. Nette (Chelle's sister) and I did a few free shots from a nice young gentleman and then we left by twelve (since the sisters had an early event in the morning). They dropped me off and I went to bed, alone. It wasn't half bad to spread out across my wonderfully comfy bed. Not bad at all. Another lesson learned I guess. Well, we'll see if it's learned.
Friday, January 21, 2005
Melina, the Blogging Fiend...
This was just too funny not to share! Enjoy...it goes along with the theme of the blog.

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...

> a) Innovative

> b) Preliminary

> c) Proliferation

> d) Cinnamon


Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...

> a) Specificity

> b) British Constitution

> c) Passive-aggressive disorder

> d) Transubstantiate
Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...


> a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.

> b) Nope, no more drinks for me, I've reached my limit.

> c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.

> d) Please take the shooters back; let's have water.

> e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

> f) I'm not interested in fighting you.

> g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.

> h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero coordination.

> I) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.

> j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

> k) Look, it would be nice to "do it" but I hardly know you and we will only feel really embarrassed and awkward in the morning.
> l) That guy is looking at my girlfriend but I am sure it’s just because he knows her or something.

> m) That chair looks wobbly and dangerous and I certainly wouldn't try balancing on it with this short skirt on in case I fell off.

> n) I must get to my bed, as I could never have a really good sleep in that hedge.
The Cherry On Top...or the Icing on the Cake if You Will
My friend is moving to Albany this weekend and we are having a chick's happy hour/night to celebrate her leaving us. (Randall you'll see how your jinxing me by asking about other bars around town!) The restuarant/microbrewery where my friend chose as the location of her party is the bar where S bartends! We're going at three...I'm saying my goodbyes and I'm getting out of Dodge before S pulls an OJ on me! Hope she doesn't think I'm rude!
Morning Message From S
Just got a chance to check my cell phone and lo and behold there was a lengthy message from S, apologizing profusely and begging my forgiveness for being such a dick (uh yeah, no such luck pal) and how he's a bastard when he drinks heavily (can we say go to AA?) and how he can't understand why Todd felt the need to pick me up and bring me to the bar when it was "guy's night" (umm I think with hindsight on my side, I know why he picked me up! oops!). After much groveling/mumbling he finally hangs up. I'm thinking he hasn't talked to Todd yet today, and I'm thinking there might be a recant on this message! I wish with all my might that there was some way for me to post this message because it truly needs to be heard to be believed. Maybe I'll transcribe it over the weekend if I have time.

Further Proof That I Must Seek Professional Help!
Ok. Last night I was sad because I had no one to drink with, but then I was ok with it. I took a bath, I read some of my Minette Walters book that I've been dying to crack into and I went to bed at 11. Fine. My phone rings at 12:15 am. I answer it, I know I'm an idiot. It's no one that I expect. It's Todd. He's S's friend (S being the one who text messaged me about his sexual schooling from a lovely African American woman for no particular reason). Todd and I "dated" and I use the term loosely, we liked each other and that was enough. When it wasn't enough, I told him and then I moved on-no hard feelings. Well anyway, Todd is on the phone telling me that he's at THITWbar and that he's coming over to pick me up so that we "can hang out properly." I say sweetly, "Thanks but I was asleep." No dice. He calls four more times, now I'm finally awake and instead of being annoyed by him, he's actually cracking me up with what he's saying on the phone. So I say, "Fine, come and get me," thinking that it might work out like it aways does with J. It didn't. He was at my house in under two minutes.
So we get to THITWbar and of course the first person I see is the darling Drk. He looks at the clock, looks at me with two drunken men and raises an eyebrow. Damn! Yet again, I'm messing up any chances I could have, or at least that's what I tell myself, and then I shrug back at Drk.

Todd leaves S and myself at the bar to take a phone call from his drunken roommate. S, who is so drunk he's crossed eyed and leering at me. "It's a real surprise to see you here Melina, it really is. I'm just so happy to see you!" (Yeah, I bet you are. Let's keep in mind that I cut off contact with him after he called me a whore in my own house for no founded reason...just because he was jealous). I nod politely at him and turn back to looking at Drk, waiting for Todd to come back.

Todd does come back, and then tells me that he has to go pick his roommate up and then drop him off at their house and that he'd be back. Ok, whatever! Thanks for dragging me out to see S. I'm starting to think that was the whole point of the evening. However, I'm proven wrong.

Now I'm left with S. I'm begging with my eyes for Drk to come over and talk with me, he took this as a sign that I needed a new beer and a frosty Molson ended up in front of me. That wasn't what I wanted Drk! I didn't even want a drink at all! I say a meek, "Thank you." and Drk waltzes off as quick as can be. I can tell in this walk he thinks I'm a trainwreck...and if I had a mirror and I looked at myself I'd see a trainwreck I think. I sigh. S thinks that this is a good time for him to speak...to be continued when I have another free moment in my day because this story is so incredibly awful, words can hardly express it. I'm cringing at myself and that doesn't happen very often. Stay tuned.
Further Proof That I Need Professional Help Part II
So this is where S feels that it is the appropriate time to speak to me. Perhaps he didn't see the frozen glare I sent him when he spoke to me previously. He really isn't all that perceptive. He's drunk and he's seething mad and a little obsessed really. He launches his drunken tirade with an attention getter. "It's so great to see you in the flesh, I never thought I'd see you again. Every night I masturbate to thoughts of you." How does a girl respond to that? She doesn't, she just raises a quizzical eyebrow...and laughs inwardly, not outwardly because S is obviously a nutjob, a trait that I must find stunning in a man. With no real response from me he continues. "You know I always thought that you and I were so much alike, you have the same screws loose...(pauses and slugs down a half a mug of beer)...there's something not right with you! You're looking for a man who's not out there! You're never going to get him!" I respond.
"Drk's right behind the counter." (poking the bear with a stick in the eye)
S gives a drunken glare to Drk, who saunters past me with that "trainwreck thought in his head again."
To be continued after I return from lunch!
Proof That I Need To Seek Professional Help Immediately
On with the lashing out of S. So then he says, "I really liked you," really quietly. Finally this is the point where I felt like I had to respond.
Melina: I liked you too! But you kinda screwed it up when you berated me in front of my friends in my house for no reason!

S: Yeah, that was bad wasn't it (hanging head)? But I didn't really mean it (you'll see a contradiction in a few minutes).

M: Well, ya called me a whore...do you think I have a total lack of self-respect that I'd ever date you after that?

S: No but...(whispers) I would give anything to have sex with you again. I gave you weak sex. It was weak (in a whiny voice).

M: (looks around and is embarrasssed for him) S, you know that's not the reason, right? You can't be that dense? I liked you too (although now I'm wondering what crack I was smoking at the time).

S: I'm much more confident now! After ________ (African American lady), I know what I'm doing! Do ya wanna go back to your place and just f--k like crazy."

M: (true quote) You are wacked out of your mind! I hope you're drunk because I would NEVER have sex with you again. (Taps on bar) Self-respect!

S: (angry now) No I know you too well. You always said that you looove having sex and that it's a huge part of your life. And you know what? Even though you don't think it...you're a slut! I bet you f---ed more guys than I have girls.

M: Well let's not get into a pissing contest, hon.

S: You don't think you're a slut? Oh forget it, I'm going to walk home (home being his friend's house because he's too drunk to drive home).

M: Are you sure? Because you're on a roll...I'd love to hear what else is rattling around in that head of yours!

S: Yeah? I have to give you mad props for listening to this.

M: (mentally laughing at a white boy giving me mad props) No, I love this. This is greeaat. So what exactly do I do that's different than what a guy does? Hmm? I mean when I'm dating someone, I'm only dating him, right? And when I'm not, sometimes I have sex with people...wow! That's scandalous in 2005! (sarcasm abounds at this point).

S: (looks at me like I have three heads, then concedes) Yeah, I guess you're right. But tell me, you've slept with more people than me...

M: Uhh yeah, no. I'm not sharing any more intimate details with you because you're an asshole. I'm done talking with you. So why don't you walk your skinny ass out of here before I ask my friends to kick you out (a slight stretch of the truth, I'm not absolutely sure that Sweet Cheeks or my tiny little Drk would actually kick him out just because he's screaming about my sex life."

S: (gets off the barstool and begins to walk to the door) Are you sure you don't want me to walk you home...and maybe...(I'm not making this stuff up folks!) we could uh hook up?

M: Bye S!

S: You're going to f--k Todd aren't you? When he comes back, right?

M: Yep, that's what I'm going to do S. You figured out my master plan.

Now I'm hanging my head in shame...
That's
Exactly
What
I
Did...and I told Todd this morning as I was getting ready for work, "Make sure you tell S about this, ok?"

I need a leash and a handler...
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Just To Toy With Their Brains...
Hopped onto Neighborhoodies.com today and I ordered myself a fabulous shirt that says, "Sex Appeal Gets You Everywhere...Especially Backseats". Don't worry, I'll close out the poll on Sunday and order that T-shirt too. Hmm, have to think of a new mini-poll question. Onto Drk, because I haven't chatted about him lately at all.

I want so badly to buy a shirt for Drk's for his birthday but alas as only semi-friends he can only receive my body...after that I can buy him a shirt. The reason why I'd want to buy him one is because he is a source of a plethora of shirt ideas. But if I were to buy a shirt then it would say, This is what happens when my mom goes to Cuba and meets a dictator...if you don't know what I'm talking about, scroll down (or check the Jan archives) and take a peek at the man I lust after. Maybe I could just shorten his shirt to "My Pop's a Dictator" or maybe "My Daddy's a Dictator and all I got was this Stupid Shirt" maybe even a "Viva La Revolucion" (except I'd check how to spell revolution first).
I Drink Alone...(actually, no I don't).
Everyone has a real life, or a stomach virus, or is unpacking and therefore no one wants to go boozing with me! I'm jonesing for some Drk time! But I don't think I can handle heading up to THITWbar alone. I'm pathetic enough,thank you very much! Also, the last few times I was at my favorite watering hole,I met my future if I'm not careful (and I'm not talking about Drk). My "idol/dark future" is this woman named Carol who's about 50 and strolls, actually no, she struts into the bar announcing her arrival with a grand flourish and a slamming of the wooden door of the bar. Carol sports Blanche Devereaux's hairdo (golden girls) and a leather jacket creased by life and perhaps from being shoved in the corner of a seedy bar by herself dead sober. Within seconds she's drunk--courtesy of about six shots of Jack. 10 pm she's jovial, she'll elbow you in the side and grin. Or she will volunteer you to the bartender to watch her drink for her. For example, "This little lady will watch Carol's drink, right? I gotta play me some 9 ball" Me being slick and liquored up, "Huh? What? Oh yeah lady...you can leave your beer next to me. Then I mutter, "Just stop spilling it on my leg, back etc). If you note from the dialogue, Carol is crazy because she refers to herself in the third person. That's a sure sign. But on with the tale. By midnight, she's hustling the pool table and dirty dancing with her pool stick. 12:15, she's putting Frank Sinatra on the jukebox and slow dancing and gyrating by herself (sometimes with her pool stick, sometimes not). Sometimes a man will get caught up in her hip rocking and join her. Awkward lack of synchonizing hip swirls typically ensue until Carol whirls herself to a brighter,yet somewhat more remote place in the bar. I've never actually see her leave because I'm usually too drunk to make fun of her after 12:30. Who's laughing then? Carol. Give me time Carol...I'm coming. "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades."
Napoleon Dynamite
Go here to see Napoleon Dynamite doing Letterman's Top Ten List. It's flippin' awesome!
http://gorillamask.net/videonapoleontopten.shtml
Wednesday, January 19, 2005

I love it so much...hey if you have to have a body outline you couldn't do much better. What a way to go out...or at the very least, pass out!
Another great Melina pic
True Romance
I'm watching "I love the 90's part Deux" and it made me remember how much I love the movie, True Romance! In fact, now I have something to do instead of the piles of work that I have to do..I'm going to dig out that dusty old VHS tape and watch happily as the neglected papers tap their feet impatiently. Too bad I say, Alabama Wurley is calling my name! I remember after seeing the movie in high school I wanted to be her. Hmm, a call girl who doesn't charge? Not quite sure where the appeal was...except she's beautiful and her clothes worked. Let's hope that was it.

Sorry I have nothing. Since I'm imposing a hermit's life upon myself (no Drk, no THITWbar until Fri or Sat) life is lacking a little zest, because it's kind of boring sitting here alone.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Ahhhwooo...werewolves of London. The runt pup sings a tune and I, proud mum that I am capture it (and 72 other frames) as quick as I can.
Another great Melina pic
Whaaa...
Veronica Mars is a rerun, in fact it's the very first episode so you could all be watching it from the start! Now you may think that it's a stupid teen show like Dawson's Creek or something which it may be to an extent, but if you ever liked Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys then this is right up your alley. As I am a dork, I like both as a child and so it's only fitting that I devote my Tuesdays to this show.

In lieu of V. Mars, I flicked on "High School Reunion III" which is on the "WB" That right there should've been the first clue...Wow, can anyone say trainwrecks? These people are really hung up on their high school lives. It's kind of hard for me to remember anything of significance from high school. I mean except for that time when I won Prom Queen and they dumped pig's blood on me...but other than that? nope...nothing!

In proper Ernts fashion, I had nothing to post about so I just posted my bloody heart out about nothing! It can be done people.
Tsunami Relief
One of my local bars has the right idea. Tonight, for every beer sold the bar is giving a dollar to the Red Cross, specifically ear marked for the Tsunami survivors. They also are running raffles all night--ALL of those proceeds (meaning no profit) go straight to the Red Cross. I'm impressed at the grass roots approach. Good work, my old favorite bar before I met the cook of my dreams!
Stressed!
Typically I'm fairly happy go lucky...but today I'm snarky. You wouldn't want to get in my way, in fact--even if you're weren't in my way today--I'd still glare at you;and that glare would make you spontaneously combust. I'm so busy and feeling stressed. My skin is just a tad to small and every room I go into is a tad too hot. My sweater has figured out a way to make my skin itch with every move I make...snarky I tell you!

I realize that everyone says that that they are busy but I truly am so completely buried under papers and work it's absolutely rediculous. As it is, I can never see the calendar blotter that graces the top of my desk. Whatever, events/dates or meetings that I have--I just keep it memorized in my head. Why I purchased the fine pink calendar at Staples for $14.99, I'll never know. Now my "organized piles and heaps" have found their way home with me. For weeks, I've dodged them--sighing with relief when only one stack inhabited my home at night, but now I look around and it looks like I smuggled every piece of paper that has a little bit of writing on it! I should tackle them (I did kill off a small pile and I maimed a larger one), but I choose to watch Veronica Mars instead--
So say it loud!
(You though I was going to say, "I'm black and I'm proud," huh? Nope...)
Say...
Stop yer whining Melina!
Monday, January 17, 2005
Tears and Amazement
Today I started my day with tears. Tears of sadness comingled with tears of admiration. Every year on Martin Luther King Day I like to take time and read some of his speeches and letters and reflect. I've been doing this since I was a teenager after reading his letters from the Birmingham jail in tenth grade. And every year I cry because such a man with foresight and love in his heart was murdered. So that was the tears portion of my day. Here comes the amazement portion.
Cr called me around three to see if I wanted to grab some food with her and her mom and then go to Target. I said, "Sure" because I had to get away from what I was doing--which was taking hours upon hours. We went out and had some girl talk. First, we talked about Sweet Cheeks. I really don't think Cr's mom likes him. I've alluded to this before but I think that she's nervous about not accepting dates from him because I think that she thinks (how convuluted is this sentence getting?!?) that she'll be disappointed both Cr and myself. The spark must not be there for her because he truly has been amazing towards her. Instead, she likes this other man who calls her and propositions her, when he knows that her religious convictions will not allow her to do such things, but I guess he's hoping that she'll break down or something...who knows? Meanwhile, Sweet Cheeks asked her last night if it would be okay if he called her this week to make a date for the weekend, so that he could take her out to dinner on either Friday or Saturday. Hmm, it wouldn't be a very tough choice for me to make! On to Cr.
Cr tells us that everything about W is perfect; from his body, to his intellect, to his manners, to his generosity...and get this...he gave her a key to his house! Huh? What? Cr thinks that this is sweet and nice and she's not freaked out by it at all. Well I'm glad about that for her, because I'm freaked out! He already told her to bring stuff down and leave it at his house, including a toothbrush because he wants her to "feel at home" and to know "that he wants her there." Okay in one sense it's very sweet. In another, I'm glad it's Cr who is dealing with this because I would be out the door in two seconds flat if someone ever made these offers within the first two days of hanging out! Actually I don't even know what to call what they are. They have decided to bypass the whole dating thing because "they've known each other for years and they'd rather not burden each other with those feelings of 'Is he going to call?' and 'Does she really like me?' I like W, I really do and I think that they could have a very positive relationship. And I know that Cr is very intense when it comes to romance and relationships, but I'm hoping that they don't burn through the whole romance in one week.
And then there wasn't a whole lot to talk about when it came to me. I told them what happened with Matty (since Cr has been chomping at the bit to hear how that all happened...not that I went into detail, it's just we all found it amazing that it happened again. We know him, and that's not typical). We also talked about Drk and how I'm going to try to not see him until Saturday. That was quickly squelched because Cr reminded me that we're going out for wings on Wednesday. But even that's not too bad. Once before Saturday, I can handle that.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
The Recap
As expected, my ma did hang her head down and sigh, "Melina, I thought we were going to work towards building positive relationships with men. I want to be a grandmother some day." I apologized profusely and then promptly told her that I have been having lots of sex which could still get her grandchildren...that went over about as well as a lead zeppelin. I got the glare, until I promised that I've been well protected (which is true). It felt like the episode of 90210 when they found Brenda's pregnancy test.

I also met Cr's W tonight, he is handsome, articulate, intelligent and probably thinks I'm a nut job because I talked about Drk for quite a while (I had to fill Cr in, we spent this whole weekend apart, which rarely happens).

Cr's mom got to hang out with Sweet Cheeks, and although he was attentive and sweet (at least in my eyes), I still don't think the spark is there for Cr's ma. Well I think I know a thing or two about that (Drk and myself, if you couldn't figure it out)...but it sucks for Sweet Cheeks because he definitely has it bad for her!
Out to Lunch
Going out to lunch with my ma to fill her in on what kind of slut her daughter has been lately...I think she lives vicariously through me, even when she says, "You know Melina, this is not how a young, professional woman acts at your age." What she's really saying is, "Honey, you rock!" I know it.
Ramble On...
Last night I decided to stay in because of my nine hour hurrah at THITWbar. Actually, I lie. My body pretty much decided for me. I could've pushed it, but I figured I put my liver through enough for the weekend so just stayed put on my couch and flicked channels aimlessly wearing mismatched flannel pyjamas feeling bored, lonely and hungover. I could've posted all night but I didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like doing anything. The dogs had no pity on me, pouncing on me and licking me every time my eyes closed; reminding me that I shouldn't make plans to have children any time soon--because hangovers are a bitch when you have dependents.

Cr called and asked me to go to dinner with her and her new man of the hour, W. I declined having just gotten off the cool tile of the bathroom floor and extricating myself from the embrace of my lovely Kohler toilet. I also realized that I need to wash that floor...ew. I think I had a slight touch of alcohol poisoning, clever girl that I am. You'd think after six years of legal drinking and however many years of illegal drinking I'd know my limits, huh? Guess not. At least Matty was here on Friday, that was pretty much the only thing that made last night tolerable--good memories.
Oh and you know what? While on the floor holding the toilet tightly, I had an epiphany. I'm giving up on Drk, even though he just got the hottest new tattoo that covers his entire back and I'm a sucker for nice ink. Blame it on trying to find someone like your dad, he had twenty six tattoos. I saw it, it made me weak in the knees (I wish I was lying), had a vision of touching it while tangled in my sheets and then bam! Reality sets in, he's never going to get tangled in my sheets. Matty's a hundred times hotter/nicer than Drk and he gives me the time of day every time I see him, whereas Drk does not. Drk holds all the cards, and when he wants to be nice to me he is, and when he wants to ignore me, he does. Granted, Drk sees me at my worst--when I'm blind drunk, but after all the stupid things I've done to get him to notice me and like me, I realize it was a waste of time. Love letters on coasters, announcing my love at the bar, and all the other things were all for naught and I should've known that because I don't think I ever had to do anything like that before to attract a man. I can't say it wasn't fun, because it was...it's just disappointing that it didn't have the desired effect. And although I wouldn't ever want to be in a relationship with Matty (and I'm sure it's vice versa), it's nice to know that someone does find me attractive and I don't have to hire a skywriter for him to notice me.

I'm sure I'll change my mind about Drk, and I may go back to my old ways...but it might be a good idea to take a break from THITWbar, get my self respect back and then head back in. Ha. The bar's closed today, do you think Monday is too soon? Kidding, of course.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
My Happy Hour Lasted Nine Hours--Ouch!
So I'm suffering majorly from a hangover this morning...I know, it's shocking. Ml and I went out around 4:30 for "happy hour"...We had a few drinks, then we went to THITWbar for dinner. Drk made us the most scrumptious burgers ever! God I love him! I am so proud of myself, I was able to hang almost all night. This is the result of vigorous training and a little thing I like to call tolerance. Chelle came out last night too and met the "man that she's going to marry" according to her. Funny thing, I have three pictures of him from the night that I was really drunk and took pictures of all the men in the bar. Needless to say--Chelle brought him home (to my house aka the den of iniquity) and they were so cute and Brady bunch-like (how do you bring someone home and not have sex with him? That's will power, what the hell is that?) Meanwhile, Matty and I were ripping each other's clothes off and apparently making lots and lots of noise. (I'll get into that more a little later)I think at first Chelle was a little skeptical about the whole THITWbar scene but she had a good time. In a couple of days it'll be "that asshole that she met at THITWbar" and somehow it'll be all my fault-but for right now she's making wedding plans and figuring out what their children will look like.
Things got even more interesting when what should my wondering eyes should appear, but Matty! I love my luck sometimes. I haven't seen him for a couple of weeks since I had the hottest sex of my life and because we never exchanged numbers I couldn't call him, which is probably a good thing because I'd call him every day!. It kills me that a 23-24 year old does this for me, but he does. What the hell am I talking about? Drk turns 24 next Saturday, and I love him even more than Matty! However, Drk runs hot and cold when dealing with me and lately he has be running very cold. I can wait for him forever, but while I wait I can have sex with other people right? I guess that really doesn't constitute as waiting, huh? Well if I actually waited for him to fall in love with me, it would be a very long wait--where's the fun in that? So Drk gave me little to no attention last night, I think because Sweet Cheeks was there...but maybe for other reasons, who knows anymore? Lusting after a man who is only interested in you every third Wednesday give or take for this long really takes it out of you, I swear. He gives me hope and then he yanks it away. I doubt I helped my odds when I left the bar with Matty. Typically, I'm sly and I slip out...but last night I think I announced to the bar and to Matty that he was the best piece of ass ever and that I would appreciate a repeat performance. Hey, no one ever said I was a classy girl! Needless to say, Matty and I left the bar about a half hour after he got there and all I can say again is that I'm a very lucky girl!

This morning I woke out of my stupor and let the dogs out and I guess woke Matty up. He was late for work. I laughed so hard when he mutters to me, "I'm always losing my underwear here!" because I'm a slob and three quarters of my wardrobe is on my bedroom floor. I got up and dug through the scattered clothing that we discarded last night and found the missing boxers. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and said, "I'll call you." I smiled and rolled over to go back to sleep...when I woke up I realized I hadn't given him my number again!
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Phone Calls...
So it appears that I'm being stalked just as Drk is being stalked which gives this whole thing a very Shakespearean play within a play feel. Ladies and gentlemen enter the Mousetrap. Over the past few nights I keep getting strange ID Blocked, or No ID Availables on my cell phone. I pick up, no one responds to my "Hellos." Fine, whatever. At first I thought that maybe it was just someone trying to figure out who I am and when did I give them that number...now I'm not so sure. It may not appear odd to you but, I really only talk to a few people on my cell phone.

Last night I received several more of these untraceable phone calls. I also received a couple text messages that had no return address in the early evening...inviting me to THITWbar by name, and then telling me that they had left THITWbar. This wasn't ominous or anything, it was just weird. I should've gone up and checked out who was there. But I didn't because it was 5:30 and I wanted to eat, not play Columbo.

I figured maybe it was J, because he has a couple screws loose so it seems like just the thing that he would do--block his number and all that jazz, just to call and see (hear) what I was up to. So I send him a text message, "Did you just text me about coming the THITWbar?" He calls me two seconds later.
"No I don't have texting capabilities on my phone," he states adding, "It must be someone else who has been trying to chase you down." (I'm impressed with him using the words capabilities. I'm sad that I'm impressed for him. Word power is not his strong suit. I'm actually not sure what his strong suit might be).
I still don't believe him.
"Were you at THITWbar tonight?"
"Uh no, I live in the opposite direction and the owners would appreciate it if I didn't start coming back around there."
Oh? I'm silenced again. Is he lying? Why am I that worked up about these phone calls? I'm not really, the phone calls just creep me out because no one hangs up, but no one speaks either. I end my conversation with J after I agree with him that we should spend some "quality" time together which was easier than explaining that there probably is a reason why we haven't hung out in a year and a half and after I listen to him tell me that he's getting "his act together" (is that why he calls me at 3:30 and 5:30 in the am?!?). I remind him not to call me at those times and that his cut off is 1 am (and that he can call on the weekends only). I sit back down and find where I left off in my poorly written psychological thriller that has (I found out with dread) a sci-fi twist in it. My OCD forces me to finish a book that I've started, so I continue on with the predictable plot at the pace of a death march.
My phone rings. Caller ID Blocked. I'm the only one who talks.
"Hello?"
"Hello?"
"Answer me if you have a large penis."
no answer
I giggle, most likely because I'm an idiot, partially out of nervousness.
"I guess it's a small one, hope you have a good personality then! Talk with you later!"
I hang up the phone and realize that I just threw stones at some psycho over the telephone wire (radio wave??). Hope he doesn't know where I live! If I don't post again, you know what happened to me!
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
I Can Almost Die Happy...Almost
So I can almost die happy...almost. So Cr, her mom and I went to THITWbar to grab a few brews and of course it's wings night (and of course there is the slight draw of a certain cook). Well the night instantly was wonderful when Drk was our bartender. Our regular bartender's girlfriend had a baby last night so Drk got to moonlight. As I walked in the door he scampered over to the cooler and pulled out Cr and my beers of choice (sorry Ernts, not Yuengling). As I bellied up to the bar I say, "This must be a sign that I should start drinking less" (jeez what makes you think so Melina?) and Drk responds, "Nah, I'm just that good" Melina is dumbfounded/awestruck, typically she'd have some kind of Mae West double entendre, but instead just smiles weakly because in her head she keeps repeating, "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" (which is a really funny statement for an atheist!).

On to the part where I can die happy...since I want to go to bed.

I've been trying to behave myself and show him that I'm not a total drunk all the time so I've been pacing my beers. I had a half full beer, Cr had an empty as did her mom (by the way, her mom's just recently divorced and that's why she's out with us). Drk sweeps over to me with a full beer and sets it next to my half full one. I stutter, "Um, I'm only have done...sorry did I ask for that?" actually confused, not copping an attitude. All Derek does is smile this beautiful half smile, which is so much more attractive than his full bartender smile that hides that secret, "I know-you're-drunk-and-I -hate-you-but-i-want-your-tip-money." That half smile was reserved for me tonight. And to make that moment better he just says,"My bad." Keep in mind that he's younger than me, so "my bad" is like honeyed words. He refills Cr's and mom's drink and takes the money for their drinks and I say because I wanted confirmation, "Drk, I didn't pay for my beer," and he said to me, "I don't charge people for drinks they didn't ask for." Ok, so he didn't come out and say he loved me or anything but obviously he doesn't think I'm a stalker, because no one throws a stalker a bone like that! I can fantasize for days on that one...luckily I only have to wait until tomorrow night! This plan is paying off in slow increments, but I'm enjoying it.
No Lives!
Guys I'm really excited (and I'm riding on Bathroom Reading's coattails!) I'm going to hit the 2,000 hit mark soon! I think I've been blogging for about a month now, so that's just freakin' fantastic! This must mean that none of us have lives because all I do is discuss my own going lust of the moment and y'all just egg me on to make more of an asshole of myself--I only hope that I've obliged. Tonight is the famous wings night of THITWbar so I'll fill you in if there's something to fill in...in a couple of hours.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005

My dog is wearing my favorite sweatshirt made on Neighborhoodies.com. Although I doubt that he, "Kissed A lot of frogs and liked it..." like I did!
Another great Melina pic

I have no words to describe this photo...without being mean
Another great Melina pic

I don't know why ML doesn't want this guy...he has that, I don't know...a certain je ne sais quoi, no? Ha, I almost peed my pants at this picture until saw the others.
Another great Melina pic
My Friend Ml and her Personal Ad
My friend Ml had her heart broken last week by wee young 'un last week. It was upsetting...Ml's hot, Ml's sweet, Ml's a boat load of fun! What was wrong with this boy, you ask? He had no balls. Ok, fine. Ml had to think of a way to mend her wounded soul...or at least find a distraction or two in the meanwhile. As she discussed with her shrink (Before you get all negative, Ml's working on bettering herself inside and out! And she was a psych major back in the day so these things are important to her. Whereas my own mental health, while possibly unstable, is a constant source of amusement for me) her constant search for the wrong guy and what that means to her emotional growth, her shrink comes up with this idea, "Post a personal ad on Craig's List! It's free! And you could possibly meet quality men that you might've dismissed before." Ml goes home and wrestles with the idea...does she want to be the kind of woman that writes a personal ad, an internet personal ad no-less? She took a deep breath, switched the computer on and typed this:

Mrs. Robinson seeks fun young man - 32 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to:removed so that no one else emails her!~
Date: 2005-01-10, 9:55PM EST



I'm a fun, intelligent professional woman who is very attracted to younger men. Preferred age: 21 to 25.
If you want to hang out, grab a drink and see if we connect, drop me a note. I'm hot, you should be too! No smokers, please.



this is in or around suburbs
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

After she posted it and has received a veritable deluge of emails from smarmy and not so smarmy men she grins at me and says, "This is definitely not the type of ad my shrink would've wanted me to post. But it sure is going to be fun!" She keeps sending me her "rejects" which hopefully I can post one of them up here because he looks exactly like Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles!




Custom T Shirts
Go back down to the custom T Shirt post from last night and help me out. If you can help me decide what to get on a shirt (either one of my ideas or an original one from you), I will order one from www.neighborhoodies.com (sorry I can't hyperlink it), which is an awesome custom site (I've made about 10 things there already)! And I will take a picture and post it. It'll take about three weeks to get so let's get cracking folks! And oh, by the way, thanks.

The man who stole my heart and sanity.
Another great Melina pic
New Mini Poll
There's a new mini poll. It kind of sucks because I couldn't think of a topic so I went with an old tried and true. To aid you in answering, I'll post the hottie's pic again. Ok, ok...it's really just for my own personal happiness.
God Hates Me
Today I received a letter that was very important and needed to be delivered to a third party who's place of business is in my town. "Well," I thought,"I can kill three birds with one stone...I can drop the letter off, I can walk one of the dogs and I can get some much needed exercise." So the dog, the letter and I set off on a cold little jaunt. Now the dilemma. The place of business is at the dead end of Drk's street. In fact, I went there every week for about twelve weeks and that's when I first sighted, and fell in love with Drk. I can get to this place without going past Drk's but do I want to walk past, it'd be nice to see him outside of the bar for once...

I walk, I think, I feel like a stalker and decide not to go past his house, no matter how tempting it would be to"run into him". Even I know that sounds crazy and rediculous. And I'm being "normal" again right? So I drop the letter off, I avoid his home...I get right past his block and who drives right by me? That's right! Drk! I don't know if he saw me or not, but Jesus! I did the right thing, I didn't stalk him! Why am I being punished? I wanted to run after his truck and scream I dropped off a big manila envelope...instead, I hang my head down and curse my luck. I think it's because I wanted to do it. I thought things were going well, damn it!
Monday, January 10, 2005
Finally, He Loves Me...or Something Close!
So tonight Cr had a date...it didn't go well. It actually went just fine and the conversation was great but the attraction just wasn't there. Oh and the fact that he was like 5'3" and Crystal is 5'1", she feels it's a crime to subject her children to midgetry (not that there's anything wrong with that). She called me from said date and asked me if we could go for a drink or two at where else but, THITWbar. I agreed, and so we went. We continued our talk, it went well. It's over.

Then nice things happened. As soon as I arrived, Drk came over to talk with me. Awkward conversation ensued. After you tell someone that they will love you if they knew you, you kind of deadpan...which really contradicts the statement I made. He starts writing on a order notepad. "Is he writing me a love note?" I wonder (and as it turned out, cr wondered as well), but no he didn't, he was collecting the beer order that he had to go in the basement to get. Awkward, yet glorious conversation ended as Drk scampered (and I do mean that he scampers, he's like tiny wildlife) back into the kitchen and I glowed. Granted, I think I said "uhh huh" and "yeah" maybe even a "totally" but our conversation made me giddy. Cr knew this and we analyzed the play by play. We had everything except for the touch screen to circle stuff. I didn't need it. I'm running on faith. He's going to love me...eventually. Maybe when I'm dead.

The best part! He comes back out and hands me a tiny little flyer. I remember that his birthday is coming up. Luckily, the stalker can't remember the date so I say, "Don't you have a bday coming up." The cook who is a god replies, "Yeah it's on the same date that my band is playing...look at the flyer." Ladies and gentlemen, Drk invited me to his band's first show, which is on his birthday! Hope springs eternal! As the Rolling Stones once said, "Wild Horses Couldn't Drag Me Away," I'm so there.

Actually, if nothing else, we're getting to be friends. It's one thing to lust after his slight frame, lack of ass and everything else which makes him so fucking hot to me...it's a whole 'nother thing to lust after your friend. Kind of pervy, and I like it!
My White Trash History
For some reason the phrase white trash has been attached to me a couple of times in my life and I could never understand it...because I don't think I ever was white trash. I have all my teeth (in fact I never had a cavity), I didn't marry my dad/cousin/or step-brother, I didn't get pregnant at 15...I don't know what it was.

Here are the two "white trash encounters" that stick out clearly in my mind:

When I was in fifth grade, my dad dropped me off at school (a private school mind you) in an old Chevy Caprice (you know the old cop cars, think Boss Hogg's ride from Dukes of Hazzard). Well this kid in sixth grade caught a glimpse of my pop--decked out in his ripped t shirt and sweat pants (he was going to be working on said car later that morning) and this sixth grader proceded to say in a whiny, taunting voice, "Your dad's white trash! That makes you white trash." Little Melina was taught not to cry by her Marine drill sargeant pops and to stand up for herself. Melina said quietly, "Shut up, or I'll hit you!" (I hadn't learned negotiation strategies and my father wasn't a follower of Ghandi). Sixth grade boy continued to hop on one foot, and announce to the world that, "Melina's white trash...her daddy's a hillbilly" and so on, until...
Melina kicked the shit out of the boy. I say this with pride but it wasn't a proud moment. Pops taught me how to fight, and I don't think prep school boy's daddy did--because I kept on kicking the shit out of him, long after I should've stopped. It felt that good. After my suspension, 6th grade boy became my friend and I put an end to the rumor of me being white trash with a little bit of muscle (or at least they didn't express it to my face, that is until 11th grade).

In 11th grade an exchange student from Germany came up to me and said in broken English, "Excuse me, you are white trash?" I reponded, "Fuck off" in perfect German. Someone had been talking about me again, and I knew the reason why. In 11th grade my dad gave me an El Camino (definitely a white trash staple). But let's go over this again. He GAVE me a car. I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth! I took that little confused vehicle, the car that wanted to be a truck so badly, and I drove the hell out of it. I admit--it was a white trash car, but it was free. Plus, without that trucar (that's truck car) I wouldn't have been able to snuggle under the stars with my hot next door neighbor (sorry dad, don't think I told you about that perk huh?). It's kind of funny that my parents paid more for four years high school tuition than I spent on my entire college tuition...but hey I guess we weren't POOR white trash.

This rant all came from taking the white trash test that is posted below. So I just want to say to Kieran and Sophia, "I'm only 27% white trash!" and that sounds about right to me!

How White Trash Are You? I've Always Wanted to Know...I'll tell you why.
I AM 26% WHITE TRASH!
26% WHITE TRASH
The white trash in my blood will not keep me from becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but it will keep me from a good haircut and any sort of fashion sense.
Custom T Shirts
I make a lot of custom t shirts for myself and my friends especially for holidays and birthdays. Here are a few that I've been thinking of making for myself:

1. Carrying Drk's Child (with a downward arrow)

2. Gets More Ass Than A Toilet Seat (not original, but I still love it!)

3. Drunk Gets I

4. I Blog, Therefore I am

5. I heart Drk, Shh Don't Tell!

6. Melina's Motel (on front) Come Spend the Night Right (back)

7. I'm Only Drunk When I'm a Slut!

8. This Stalker Loves You!

Help me think of others...these are actually a little lame!

This picture of random men over at THITWbar should cheer everyone up, especially after my downer posts. Guy on left: "Dude stay still and she'll leave us alone!" Guy on right: "But I'm scared!" Melina:You guys seen Drk?
Another great Melina pic
The Talk
I debated on how to have "the talk" with Cr last night, because she is my best friend. By best friend I mean she put herself totally out on a limb this summer to make herself available to me and to help me out in ways that no one else was/would be willing to do. So that's why I wasn't so willing to just see this as a black and white issue. I knew that she didn't have bad intentions and I figured she got the ball rolling when she was three quarters in the bag. I was right.

I knew that emotionally I was in no state to actually have this conversation because if I had been set off balance in the slightest I would've breathed fire, and/or suffered from the "ugly cry" (the ugly cry is when you kind of inhale and wail, snort and shake body/contort face simultaneously) because I was definitely chemically imbalanced yesterday. I cried at no less than four commercials, one of them being the Blockbuster commercial about no more late fees (Melina sobs gently, "Isn't that so nice of them...I just love them...") Yeah it was that bad. It doesn't happen to me consistently every month, but once in a blue moon I am completely afflicted and crippled by hyper emotionality/irrationality. Not that I was irrational this time, but I was definitely emotional. Let's just say it's good to be out of the Land of Kleenex. My nose is still a little pink from the whole ordeal.

I decided to send Cr an email telling her how I felt because then I could word it the way I wanted to and I wouldn't say anything I would regret. Don't get me wrong, we'll actually sit down and talk but my primary goal was to tell her how I felt. She responded immediately (like 30 seconds immediately), in fact because she was composing a similar email. Chalk it up to too much alcohol, and bad ideas and that's where Cr was coming from. I accept that. It's not an excuse, it's just what happened, and when she was sober she rethought the whole thing and realized her priorities. And this ever happens again, I vow to sleep with her husband when she gets married (I'm kidding...I think).

But seriously folks--isn't the important part of this whole story that Drk is still mine?... At least until someone who I'm not friends with sweeps him off his little feet!
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Update on J, the Booty Call Master
J, King of the Booty Call needs to get a watch. Last night he called me at 3:38am. Sound asleep, I wake up and immediately think that someone's in trouble, without even looking who's calling I pick up.
M: Hello?
J: Melina?
(um no it's someone else dumbass)
M: (Sigh) Hey J
J: Can you come to my house?
M: No J, it's 3:38, I'm in my bed asleep
J: There's someone there with you isn't there? Isn't there. I feel like such an asshole.
M: Well you are an asshole but no, I'm here alone. I wouldn't have picked up the phone if someone else was here. (actually I probably would've since I panic every time the phone rings this late at night)
J:Oh good...can't we just cuddle?I miss you.
M: (Sigh) Probably not J...I'm tired
J: I'll come to you...(J's phone sex voice goes into a montage of all the good times we've had together, what positions we were in and so on (remember, we haven't had sex in over a year and a half, I'm impressed with his recall--all of this is done in a very drunken slur).
M: (actually reminisces for a second or two and then hashes a quick plan because otherwise she'd be on the phone forever) Fine J, if you can get down here in 15 mins, I'll have sex with you (very romantic huh? actually I kind of knew it was a safe offer to make).
J: Ok, I'll get my friend to drop me off. I'll call you right back with the plan!
M: Ok...(muttering) I won't hold my breath.(hoping to any higher power that a) he doesn't show up and b) he passes out c) that he doesn't conjure up a plan and d) before I hang up I really should just tell him to stay home...just in case).
J: What's that baby?
M: Nothing. See you later (fingers crossed that he will just pass out!)

Melina then puts the phone back on the charger...wishes that it was someone else calling her and not J, the strung out (but sweet) loser and immediately goes back to sleep.
5:30 am...Melina is awakened by her cell phone ringing

Ring, Ring, Ring
Melina looks at the caller id this time--it's J. She rolls over and goes back to sleep.
Moral of the story: Always look at your caller id before answering the phone, you never know what someone is trying to sell you.
Feeling Sad...But I Don't Know if I Should
Before I start--know that I'm not angry with Cr, I'm just sad. I should've made my feelings known clearly and then this wouldn't have happened!

So I have a serious question for you because I don't know if I'm acting junior high or not. My friend Cr told me that she had a confession the other night and she told me that she thought Drk was cute. Fine, whatever, think he's cute...that's normal. However, in reality she took that a step further and pursued him. She asked Sweet Cheeks about him and gave him her number to give to Drk or told him to pass it on or something. Drk hasn't called her yet but I'm sure it's just a matter of time (tears in my eyes, feeling like a big ol' loser). Although, I'm hoping that Drk feels like it's weird too. I'm PMSing and this isn't helping one bit.

Now to be fair to Cr--I did tell her that "hey maybe you could do better than me with Drk" but did I really want her to try? Definitely not, but then I shouldn't have said it or said, "I'm done with him" which I say every 10 mins right after I have another random thought about him. I thought there was some unwritten code, but maybe not. Even if nothing comes of it, and Drk never calls her, it's extremely upsetting to me. I didn't say anything today about it, I was bitchy today though...which was wrong and I will speak to her about how I feel because I know that it's not her intention to hurt me. She probably thinks that I gave it a shot and failed and now it should be her turn...and maybe she's right. I certainly can't be territorial with someone who only responds slightly/sporadically to my advances (probably out of manners).

Sometimes it sucks to be a girl with a friend who's better looking at you! I'm hoping that after Cr and I talk (which we will because I value our friendship too much not to) she will leave Drk single/untouched until someone who's not my friend ends up dating him. And I know that she will.

Great, now I'm really crying. Good thing it's Sunday so there's no mascara to deal with :(

Saturday, January 08, 2005
A Observation on Drk
Now that I'm no longer stalking Drk like a wild animal...he actually stops to talk with me a whole lot more. It's very funny, he contradicts himself. He told me that he stopped smoking on Monday (2 pack a day habit, (cough, cough) can anyone say black lung?) Well, he allows himself 3 cigarettes at work...ok...that's acceptable...except 3 turns into 5 and then so on. So the sweet little man's black lungs remain black (for now). I will see him tonight so I'll fill you in more tomorrow, if there is more to fill in!
A Good Thing
It's a good thing that I wasn't interested in Sweet Cheeks and that Cr's mom could have him (so noble of me don't you think ha ha)...because SWEET CHEEKS WANTS CR'S MOM! He tracked down her number, and told her that she intimidates the hell out of her and that he likes that! He asked her out for dinner and/or drinks tonight! The man wastes no time. I love it! I hope they have a great time because she deserves it and so does he! I'm impressed with Sweet Cheeks, I truly am.
Remember the D.A.R.E Program?
I just realized that my little bloggsky is like the anthithesis of the DARE program...you know with the theme, "Just say No". Granted they were talking about saying no to drugs. Which I do. Although, it sometimes seems like I'm on crack. But I'm not, crack kills. That's the morning thought for you, and it's stupid.
Drama and Melina the Whore of Attention
So the last two nights have been filled with drama which, unlike many women, I hate! I ran into my friend who recently had a baby which is great because we don't often see her. Let's see I also ran into so many douche bags that I was afraid that the grocery store had run out of vinegar (sorry for that analogy, all those who had to read it, I'm fired up). Sometimes being a bar patron makes you hate society!
Drk was working obviously and I'm hanging out with friends, one being Mikey. Mikey's girlfriend is the daughter of the owner of THITWbar...apparently Mikey's girlfriend also loves my Drk. Whatever. I'm not worried. She's just the hottest piece of ass in our little town...and she's cool (why does she have to be cool? and an awesome dresser? Can't she just have her stupid stick legs and get on with it? I'm bitter). Apparently though, after feeling low all day because the rumor yesterday was that Drk was caught kissing Mikey's girlfriend in the parking lot. Truth was Mikey caught his girlfriend kissing someone but it wasn't Drk (whew!).It turns out that Drk is not interested in pursuing anything with crazy drunken daughter of bar owner. I easily saw the parallel to myself and laughed hysterically. Drk has been stalked by two striking (if I can say that about myself) brunettes recently. Unfortunately, if I don't want to lie to myself, if Drk hadn't said that "she brings too much drama to my life," she definitely would've won over Drk in the appearance category. She's the shortest, cutest thing ever, I want to hate her...but I don't :)
Cr also dropped a mini bomb on me...she stated that she found Drk attractive; it's hillarious because we never find the same people attractive. She had taken a half a pain killer/truth serum pill and mixed it with some beer (which meant that we made it a REALLY early evening otherwise she would've been drooling on the bar). What happened to her? She slipped on an icy driveway just around 4am after skinny dipping in this guy's hot tub that she liked. She decided to go home before she broke all of her rules (people make rules for themselves?). She felt proud of herself for having the will power to leave (will power, what's that?) and whoosh--down she goes like the Titanic...but a little faster. She obviously has no reflexes because she didn't put her hands out to break the fall.She didn't want to go back to the house because she's gushing blood from mouth and nose and "it's too soon for him to see her like that" (not a direct quote but similiar to the odd thing that said. She now has a bruised fat lip and a road burned nose. She expertly covered both with makeup but...she felt like the elephant man. My friend is known for her pristine beauty has been reduced to...reduced to nothing at all because she wasn't reduced, she still looked fucking hot! However, I understand why she felt a little insecure about her looks. It's not every day that half your top lip extends 75% further than it ever did! Although Cr felt very badly that she had lustful thoughts about Drk but no worries...had she attempted this mission she would've landed the deal better than I...so I say thanks for loving him from afar, you're a great friend because he's too hot to share!
Saw Sweet Cheeks tonight too. I felt conflicted. Cr's mom (yes that's right, mom) was out with us and she and good ol' Sweet Cheeks flirt. I was jealous! Serious, I was grade A, 100% jealous of a 46 year old woman! I know that when I kissed (or may not have kissed...)Cr and retraced my actions that night and we're not sure if I actually did kiss him because I kept verbally debating kissing him (to his face--that's attractive in a woman, hesitancy)because I didn't want to damage my chances with Drk. What the fuck is that? What chances? I read that stupid book, "He's Just Not Into You" and you know what? Drk is just not into me, I should move on. But I choose not to. But at least I stalk from afar...and hook up with other guys while waiting for my prince to come around. I think Snow White should take a tip from me.

Should I move onto Sweet Cheeks? In a way I was tempted to say yes, but in another way I want Cr's mom to get a chance to work her magic since she has very little faith in her abilities...and I don't really know what my motivation is. Do I really like him, or do I just want someone to like me? And then I realize that a) I want to make someone like me. b) I want that someone to lavish attention on me and apparently I'm not to choosy about it and c) that I an attention seeking loser! Sometimes it's not fun to be me especially when I'm honest to myself about why I do things I do(Sigh). So no, I don't want to move onto Sweek Cheeks. Go get 'em, Cr's mom!

After that revelation I traded in my stiff drinks for Miller High Life (the champagne of beers) which actually tastes more like water than anything else but it was on special and I'm poor) and found that the lower alcohol percentage allowed me to hang for longer and become less of a nut. I figured all of us had enough drama for two nights, and I decided not to add any to the mix. For once, a good decision.