This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Friday, June 29, 2007
These Dreams Go on When I Close My Eyes...
Last night I dreamed that I gave birth and then conked out. When I came to, John had named my daughter Padme. I either need to stop watching Top Chef or stop worrying that my husband is going to name a child after a character from Star Wars. But then again, I should stop looking for porn that's based on Star Wars after having a "lightbulb moment" (Thanks Dope-hra for the phase) that Star Whores would be a great title for a porno...and apparently, it is.

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Wednesday, June 27, 2007
emails from the edge...
...of perspiration/expiration.

I am a certifiable sun nut. I love to sunbathe, preferably where people can't judge me in my bikini, like on my deck (which I'm sure Creepy Neighbor has his binoculors firmly aimed at)...but it is stinkin' hot here in good ol' Pennsylvania, with the humidity it feels more like 105 F. So of course, the person I turn to in my melting time of need is John who can do nothing about it. Still, I send him this message:

So hot.stop. Send pool. stop. Pool boy optional. stop.

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He should've just read IMDB
John gets home from work and while we're munching on dinner (I'm becoming a good cook, yo!) I tell him, "Oh my god John, I watched the saddest movie today!" because let's be honest, aside from laying out, my day wasn't all that exciting. He said, "Oh yeah? Which movie?" I replied, "Dear Frankie". He said, "Why was it so sad? What's it about?"

And so, with tears welling in my eyes as I thought back to the movie, and I carefully told him in about ten minutes all about the movie. As I wiped a single tear away, I waited for him to mock me for loving such an obvious chick flick. Instead, he says, "Wow, you tell the worst stories!" and he laughed at me. He laughed! I became indignant, "You asked what the movie was about, so I told you!"

"M, I asked for a synopsis of the story...I doubt you'd find all of what you said on the back of the box!" And then the smartass picked up the case and pretended to read my "long synopsis" on the back of the case. Then he turned to me and said, "Do you think we can get you to pretend to read the back and you could just retell the plot and I can video tape it?"

What a db...I liked it better when he wanted to film me naked.

PS. I'm not mocking Native Americans, I'm mocking this poorly made commercial.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Bachelor Days
Last night I was afforded something quite unusual. I was allowed to watch John relive his bachelor days. Most husbands would've phoned home and said they had to work late and let the night conceal their secrets. John openly admitted, "This is what I used to do most late nights in the city" as he switched on his computer tower that's now hooked into our 50" he essentially has a 50" monitor. First I sighed, then I settled in to watch something...perhaps double penetration?

And then he did the unthinkable...

He started loading Cd's into his computer and began ripping and sorting them into the appropriate folders--carefully checking to see which albums he still needed for certain artists. He was updating his digital music library, and with more glee than if he were buying a drink for some Philly waitress hoping to take her home with him.

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Monday, June 25, 2007
Random Snippets of Life
Having a partner in life is like having a partner in crime--someone to bounce ideas off of. Since we're not like Bonnie and Clyde or Kit and Holly, mostly the ideas that I bounce off John go a little like this:
Me: John do you think it would be a good idea to crawl across the dance floor like a panther over to Bethany?
John: Yes, that sounds like a perfectly sound idea.

And that's why I ended up crawling on the floor...I don't have John to blame, but I did have his endorsement.


While watching the Aviator last night, John turned to me in the darkness and said, "Wow, the first three hours of this movie were pretty good. I wonder how the next two hours are going to go." True, it was a good movie, but it was long too.


We went to this place where you sit outside and cook your own food on an open grill. First you go up to the meat counter and pick out what you want to grill. John went up to the counter and said, "I want something really weird and different to eat." The girl politely pointed out some kind of pitch black looking meat and said, "You could cook that..." and then trailed off (quite honestly, I don't even know what that stuff was!). John grimaced a little and pointed at the wild boar kabobs and said, "I think I'll cook this instead."
While laying in bed last night and John was trying to sleep, I poked him and said, "You're like a cute little baby, I love you so much that I don't want to let you go to sleep." A statement to which he grunted and said, "You sound like my mom." It made me giggle, because that's what every girl wants to hear when she's in bed with her husband...

And finally, any time that I'm not fully appreciative of how great John is, I just watch a little bit of Confessions of a Matchmaker and afterwards, I give John a big ol' smooch, because he's not a weirdo like most of the people on the show. Here, take a look:

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Friday, June 22, 2007
She's got a ticket to ride...
Time with John is always limited. His commute takes several hours away from us every day. Having the summer off now is a little bittersweet. Of course, it's great to have the time off but now instead of just laying out, sleeping off the occasional hangover (because I could go out any night of the week with my friends who have weird work schedules) or ordering take out; I now find myself watching the clock to see how many hours until John comes home. And as soon as he does come home, we try to cram in as much as we can together. Last night was no different.

It started with a leftover pasta dish and a HoneyBrown each on the deck. We moved inside for a little geek-time where we watched our tivoed episode of Jeopardy! as always...did you know that it's my dream to be on that show??? I tried out twice. The first time I was close, the second time I missed my tryout because I was mopey over one of John and my breakups but the third time, I tried to do the online tryout and use John to help me cheat...that time I did the worst. What can I say? Karma's a bitch! Mid Jeopardy! John did the unthinkable and gave me a "sign" that he would like my tender ministrations on his penis. That sign being that it was out and ready to go. Do you think it's uncouth to mumble gameshow answers mid-blowjob? I think the jury is still out on that one.

Then it was time for our bike ride. After pumping up my tires, we were off. It's been a long time since I've been on my bike but every time I do hop on, I'm amazed at how free I feel. We hopped over curbs, did slow lazy meandering collision courses over in the school parking lots, swerved past pedestrians and yelled hellos to people we knew on the streets as we whizzed by them. Pulling into our driveway I felt exhilaration coursing through my veins. John was babbling about how much he loves his bike (he just had it fixed and it's the first time it has been rideable since last May) but I couldn't hear him. It was then that I fell off my bike and landed on my elbow. Apparently, in my exhilaration, I forgot to pedal and about gravity. As I lay in the driveway laughing, John parked his bike and picked me up to see if anything aside from my ego was bruised. I'm proud to say that nothing was. I'm sure the plethora of neighbors outside watching the spectacle will say that I was probably drunk or off my meds (neither being true--only one beer with dinner and I have no meds to speak of). Whatever. At least they'll never be interviewed and say, "She was always such a quiet girl, I can't believe she did this...".

Tonight is a BCT member's wedding...does the groom know how rowdy this could get??

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Monday, June 18, 2007
Graduation Day
First things first...I am an aunt! It was quite a long labor but my sister in law was a trooper. After over 30 hours of full fledged labor and not a whole lot of effacing they decided to give her a C-section. The baby is a tiny (!) replica of her mother--perfect little nose, dusky skin, she has the same full mouth as her mother and her Uncle John--she's amazing.

Ok, on with my own story.

Last year on Graduation Day, John gave me my engagement ring...true I already accepted his offer (although, I think it was my offer first), without a ring. Three weeks after he proposed he slipped my ring onto my finger after I had come home from my scholastic festivities.

This year on Graduation Day as I was slipping out the door, I received a text message from John which read, "Did you leave yet?" and "Can you wait?" after I responded that I was on my way out of the door. I agreed to wait, more than a little curious. I didn't have long to wait. As his car rounded the corner of our neighborhood, his window came down and he gently tossed a little blue box tied up with white ribbon into my hands. "Oh Tiffany's" I thought to myself a little giddy and a whole lot greedy. I ripped open the box (I mean, I gently untied the ribbon) and nestled inside the black velvet box was a white gold square band that I had recently pointed out that I liked because it was so unique. I finally got my wedding ring. You see, I hadn't found a ring I had liked when we were engaged because my engagement ring is so modern looking so it took me about a year to finally settle on something...a funny thing to say from a woman who got married 7 months after she started dating her husband, huh?

In other romantic news, John also informed me that we will be spending our first anniversary in Chicago!! Hopefully we'll get to see a game, eat a pizza and who knows, maybe we'll even hit the Warped Tour since it happens to be in town when we are. Although, it will be here at home, when we get who knows?!? By the way,who wouldn't marry this guy as quickly as they could?

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My sister in law's water broke. I should be an aunt in (hopefully for her) a few hours!!!

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things aren't quite working they way I wanted them to...
The beginning of my summer vacation started with lots of promise. I was going to clean, I was going to exercise (a's highly needed) and I was going to lay out and read a book. Things seem to just be going horribly wrong.

On the cleaning front- the vacuum doesn't seem to want to suck, except at life. I raise my fist at all vacuums, they seem to die long before their time. Luckily, I have 90,000 loads of laundry to do, so I'm focusing on that task. Mountains of laundry are getting laundered and I'm working on remembering where all these clothes actually go. I must make every effort to do a better job at keeping a clean house because my Mother in Law said to John on the phone the other day, "If Melina wants to learn how to clean this summer, I'd be happy to show her how" which made me cry and also made me angry. So, a slave to cleaning I will become.

On the exercise front- well...the eliptical machine is tucked off in the corner from lack of use/people moving in and and out of here etc. The rub? I can't lift it away from the corner and I can't get on it as it is against the wall. Grr. This one is frustrating!

On the lay out/read a book front- I went to buy a new book, I couldn't find one that peaked my interest to save my life. I looked around for a book but then became annoyed and left in a huff. There sure is a lot of crap on the shelves for sale these days. Plus the sun keeps coming and and out of the clouds...also a grrrr.

My attention span is nil today...but remind me to write about my new wedding ring and my anniversary gift from John!

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Call Me the Decider
After watching five episodes of Law & Order in a row (because there was a marathon on TNT), John looked at me and asked, "Why do all girls like Law & Order?" I didn't have an answer but I just figured out how we could possibly establish World Peace. Reruns of Jerry Orbach doing his thing, should do the trick.

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Monday, June 11, 2007
John's wife nags him telepathecally
I am constantly amazed at how good John is at being a husband. He totally read my mind all weekend. This is what I telepathically told him to do, and he did it! Seriously folks, he's good.

I said:

"Make me a homemade Stromboli!" (and he did! and it was AWESOME...I've never had such an awe inspiring combo of pizza dough and every meat product I love).

"Have sex with me, and put your back into it, Boy!" (Here, he got a little confused because he put my back into it, and now I have lots of sexy rug burn on my back...but it was worth getting it, plus it never truly hurts in the moment, only after.)

"Get me drunk!" (Boy did he ever...well, to be fair, I think I was the one swallowing the delicious mixes that he was handing me--but wow! He also wins bonus points for attempting to put me to bed when it was clear that I was no longer communicating with human beings and that gravity was beginning to work against me. Of course, I did not take this bed-time thing lying down, I popped up (of course) to harass everyone while they played wii!)

"Hold my hair when I puke!" (He needed to do this because when I woke up all bleary eyed he handed me an alcoholic beverage, citing "The hair of the dog". I took one whiff of it and scooted off to the bathroom to retch)

"Feed me!" (Several times he fed me. First it was Wendy's to coat my stomach, then he made me some pork meal that used all the contents of our very bare cabinets. You see, I was too busy drinking to actually go to the grocery store and purchase items for consumption. Yesterday I learned that pork, BBQ sauce and pasta actually taste really good together...I wish I had never found this out.)

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Friday, June 08, 2007
Addictions and Dic...well, you know
1. It's amazing that I made it to work today. In the old days it might've been chalked up to staying out too late at bars or under strange men, but these days, a more mellower Melina has found an addiction far more time consuming and worrisome than booze and cock. This my friends,would be the Wii. As soon as I get home from work I turn the little wii on. I grab my wiimote and I begin to hone my skills, because let's be fair here...I'm a woman, I didn't spend my formative years in my dank bedroom jerking off and playing video games all the time--I need to get some kind of edge on John! (disclaimer- I don't really know if John spent his formative years doing the above things,however, I DO know that he spent quite a bit of time filming stop action movies featuring Godzilla and his own voice overs--I just needed to have that documented)
2. Having roommates has been putting a damper on our sex life lately. Because let's be honest, the place we have sex the most is not our bed (too mushy--perfect for sleep, not for sex) but our couch. Unfortunately for us, between not really getting any private couch time coupled with constant painting jobs and renovations to both our house and to ER's new place was making me a cranky lady. When there's a real penis in the house, the battery operated kind just doesn't cut it for me...because like any woman, I like what I can't have. Mr. Pink (my vibrator), never puts up a fight and is always available, thus, he bores me. John made up for our lack of couch "wrasling" in a big way last night. The man's true talent is foreplay. I'd marry him again if I could just for his mouth...and his personality, of course--his personality! He's not just a piece of a meat--he's my piece of meat. Hands off.

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Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Today I made my charges write letters to themselves, which I will mail to them in a year so that they can see how much they've changed and they can evaluate how much they hoped to achieve this next year and how close they came. As they filed out of the door hooting and hollering that today was the last day that the state was going to mandate that they sit in my classroom, one redhead stayed behind, grabbed me into a giant hug and thrust a letter of her own into my hands. You're never supposed to have a favorite but this girl went beyond that. When I first met her, I went to her softball games when I was asked to go and saw why she was always embarassed about them the next day. It had nothing to do with her ability, the girl could easily get a scholarship then, and today, she has one. The problem was that her mother was an alcoholic and would come to the games and do numerous things--heckle her daughter, pass out at the game, or cause some kind of scene. She was always asked kindly to leave and eventually, was banned from the games--which offered my charge a little relief.

After seeing this, I suggested that she consider living with her dad. Yes, it would be stricter there. Yes, she would have to live in the town over from all of her friends. However, she would have an adult who didn't have problems that were seeping in my charge's academic, social and athletic life. My charge and I spoke with counselors, and left the problem in the proper hands. I think this was probably the most important thing I've done with my life--help this girl. She became more of a little sister than a student. Because of this, I found a two page letter carefully tucked into an envelope with my name scrawled across the front. I've cried every time I've re-read it. This is some of what it said:

"Can you believe that after the past 3 years of knowing me, I'm not going to be around anymore!?! To tell you the truth, I'm scared. I really can't believe I'm not going to walk through the halls anymore. But the reason I'm writing this is because I just wanted to let you know how much you've affected my life over the past 3 years.

I really can't imagine not knowing you. I really think my high school career would have totally different if you weren't around. You've ALWAYS been there for me no matter what the circumstances. And you always gave me great advice on anything and everything; those are my favorite memories of getting to know you. I'm probably not going to remember _____, ______ and _______ ( a series of very boring books) but I will always remember what you've taught me about life. You are an amazing teacher and I'm so lucky to have had you for two years. However, you are an even better person. You listen, talk back and are just there as I work things out. You are so funny, you have one of the best hearts and are the most interesting person I have ever met.

We have had a special bond. I don't know why, or how but for some reason, you and I have just understood each other. You have been like the big sister I've never had. You have never treated me like a child, rather an adult and you have given me the respect of an adult. I respect you so much for that. You are such a strong person on the inside. I don't know if you realize it but everything you've been through and just to see how successful and happy you are now, all I can say is that you're awesome.

I cannot say thanks enough for all that you have given me, taught me and helped me with. I love you!

PS. I'll never forget the mirror you gave me two years ago after the girls gave me my "make-over" and I made it into the "crowd". It said, "Beautiful before the make- over". Thank you!

My heart is full.

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Sunday, June 03, 2007
Mental Note
It is a bad idea to only eat a Lean Cuisine all day when you know that you are going out with your friends to a concert. I ended up on my knees, praying to porcelain gods in no less than three bars...and yet? I still managed to stay up and out until 3 am. Imagine that.

The Deftones concert was awesome, probably one of the best concerts I've ever been to...if you get a chance, check them out--they were amazing. I challenge anyone to stay sober here, although, I did not throw my bra on the chandelier...which is a bonus...for once.

And if you ever get into Philadelphia, go see a show at the Electric Factory...I've never been to a bad show there. Now if you'll pardon me, I have to get the gum out of my jeans from kneeling on the dirtiest floor in the world (no offense Whiskey Dix, but it's true).

This bad post was brought to you by Pabst Blue Ribbon, Miller High Life and too many shots of Jameson.

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Friday, June 01, 2007
State of the weekend
Tonight's my first night away from John since we've been married...and our wii came too! I don't know which part I'm more said about!!! At least I'll be drinking my face off at the beach with my girlfriends (the BCTs--bitches coming together), so I won't dwell on it too much. Updates on that craziness when I return.

But tomorrow,all of my Cornfield friends and I are off to see these guys (the Deftones!)!!! I'm so excited!

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