Today was "Talk Like A Pirate Day" what did you do to celebrate? I threw out a couple weak Yarr's and Arrghh's, I didn't quite get into it as I thought I might've.

Last night I received three very drunken phone calls from Todd...does the boy work? Well I can answer that one...he does work but luckily for him he can work from home after he gets all banged up on a random Sunday at the bar watching football. I didn't answer the phone because I was sick and because he could barely form coherent sentences. Actually, that's being kind...I could hardly understand what he was saying. So I figured why bother let him come over when I certainly wouldn't get anything out of it (is that selfish?), plus I wasn't eager to spread my hacking cough to anyone. Makes you wonder where the live in girlfriend is these days doesn't it? Wonder if they broke up again...hmm, one never knows.

Oh a funny aside, but still related because it has to do with Todd...Three weeks ago, Chelle and I ran into Todd and his sidekick at thitwbar. All four of us were so banged up it must've been a riot to listen to our conversations. While Sidekick was trying to seduce Chelle with the ever famous line, "You've got such gorgeous eyes...I could get lost in them." (which is true, she does have gorgeous eyes...but can you say that at a bar without sounding super cheesy?) I was talking with Todd. No clue what we talked about. My favorite part though was when Chelle leaned in to Sidekick (a guy I've known now for three years and has preached to Todd why I'm just not "as good" as the other girl) and said, "Why don't those two just get together? I just love my drunken Chelle, always trying to help a girl out. Although...I'm not sure if it would ever be a good thing if Todd and I ever really got together again. He'd just cheat on me, obviously.

So then two weeks ago he sent me a couple of text messages, I responded but my responses were in drunkenese. He writes me another one, undeterred by my sheer inability to write anything and Chelle intercepts my phone and unbeknownst to me, calls him. I believe she said quite drunkenly, "What do you want?" We don't exactly know what he said in response but I was relieved to see that the convo only last about 25 seconds.

And that my friends was a random posting about Todd. I tried on my dress today for Cr's wedding. It's awesome, I feel gorgeous. I was a little worried because yesterday I attempted to put my dress on and I couldn't zip it up all the way. I tugged...I looked in the mirror and say panic fill my eyes. I couldn't believe it- I've lost weight. Obviously, since I'm not sitting at the bar every night!! Today I called my mom and made her come over all panicky. It was a false alarm, she zipped it right up. It's a little tighter on my boobs than I would've wanted (but then again, it is strapless...so at least I won't have to do the annoying pulll up thing) but as my mom said as she admired me in my dress. "My girl sure is a busty one..." Geez, Ma thanks.

More updates to follow.

I haven't posted in a while because I've been so busy with stuff from work. Conversely, I have nothing to write about because I've been trapped in work! Also there's a little issue of my computer crapping out every five minutes. Anyone up to buying a stranger a new laptop because she's too poor to fuel her own habit? Huh? No takers...you suck (kidding of course).

Last weekend Chelle and I went down to Philly to see Jack Johnson play. We hit the Philly bar scene and made a night of it. It was a great night. No drama, no man issues, just good old fashioned girl bonding! On Friday night a bunch of us went to thitwbar and I ran into Matty. I haven't seen him in a really long time, in fact I thought he might've moved out of the Cornfield. I wish I could tell you what we talked about but...I was more than a little drunk. I'm going to blame that drinking episode on the stressful work week. I'm glad I had the fun though while it lasted.
Now this weekend I was looking forward to more fun since my week days are feeling more and more like those of an inmate...and wouldn't you know it, I got sick. I have bronchitis and a sinus infection. So it looks like a fun filled weekend of blowing my nose and lying prone on the couch. Ah well, such is life. Next weekend is Cr's wedding so I'm sure I will have plenty of interesting tales for you then...and with all the prep work that we'll be putting in during this next week.

Talk to you all soon, hopefully with more interesting stories to tell. I've become pretty boring without my little man...much more toned down, reserved and boring.

Nor uninspired to write...too damn busy! Sorry, I'll be around in a few. Sometimes I actually have to work, you know how that goes.

Dear Tech Dept.,
Hi! It's me, Melina...your one fellow co-worker who doesn't need you 24/7. Tech Dept I have a question for you...how can I do my job when you've systematically managed to block all of the Internet from me. I have to hand it to you, that was quite a feat, you should give yourselves a pat on the back. Now that you've done that, it's time to give me my Internet back unfiltered. I promise never to look at porn on the web (Honestly? I have enough porn on DVD in the privacy of my own home for those rare moments when I feel like watching other people engage in sex).

Oh and Tech Dept, can you send a message to Kanye West for me (since you now control the Internet)? Can you tell him that I agree with him that Bush hates black people. I kinda have the feeling that he hates poor people too, although he LOVES the ladies in a vegetative state (Hell, he'll get Congress out of bed on the weekend for that one)...but um Tech Dept have you ever seen or listened to the lyrics of Kanye's song Gold Digger? Oh you haven't? It's basically about how all the girls who hang around him are basically gold diggers and that he should ge a prenup...I mean that's not too pretentious is it? Well I think while Kanye has his concerns (oh and I'm right there with him there), I have a few about him too. Especially when he sings, "Get down girl, go 'head get down" and he mimes pushing a head down. Oh and all the half naked girls...and they're all black, which is cool, but then I vaguely heard that negative comment about a white girl. It's really pretty black and white with him, don't you think Tech Dept? Wow, I thought we were moving towards change, but I guess not.

Well I've gotta say it Tech Dept...I pretty much despise Bush as much as possible...but I'm suspicious. Did you know Kanye's album dropped last week? Hmm, he wouldn't do anything just to get his name out in the media would he? I'm all for pointing out wrong doing when wrong's being done, but do it for the right reason. Does that make sense Tech Dept?

Thanks for letting me vent! ~Melina

I knew it was bad when I let my hair down and I caught I whiff of my shampoo. It smells warm and spicy...kind of like a guy. You know the guy smell of a guy who doesn't attempt to smell overly good...I mean no extras, just shampoo and soap. That's my kind of guy. I closed my eyes and sniffed with reckless abandon. I won't lie, a slow, easy smile crept across my face.

This is the excitement in the Cornfield...nothing. Just a lot of work and thoughts of play. If you think of anything for me to write about, let me know...ok? I'm dying over here. Literally. What's the fancy term for death of the soul? I think that's the next step.

Ah, overly dramatic...that's my style (that and a ton of elipses...)

So this weekend was the bachelorette for Cr. We had a BLAST! Everyone came over my house around 6:30-7 pm and then we headed down to the city. We stayed there for most of the evening and then headed back up to the Cornfield and finished at a local bar (and no, it was thitwbar...only because thitwbar was closed for the holiday weekend). From the local bar we brought several people from the bar home with us to hang out in the basement bar.

I had purchased three cases of beer and I restocked the bar in the basement prior to Saturday night. I thought it would be enough...I look in my fridge now and I have one measly beer left! We stayed up until 6:45 am that night. I even had Derek's roommate's dad here. Random huh? At 47, the man hung in until everyone started to drop! I wearily made my way up to my bed. At 9:30 am I was woken up by Chelle nudging me, beer in hand. I was incredulous. She said, "C'mon, everyone's already up and drinking out on your deck." I pulled my ass out of bed and went outside. True enough, those drunks were already hard at work.

I held off until 11:30 to begin the boozing again. The bride to be called her fiance and informed him (quite drunkenly) that she was going to stay at my house for one my day. In fact I believe what she said was that she was having a Bachelorette Weekend. Who knew such a thing existed?At around 1pm it was just down to drunken Cr, drunken Chelle and drunken moi. Then my phone rang. It was Army Boy that my mom had asked me to give a "shot". Being tipsy I told AB (Army Boy) that yes, he could come down and join in on our festivities. Cr took one look at me and told me to get in the shower. So I took the fastest shower ever...and when my doorbell rang...no one heard it but me. I yelled down from the stairs, "Come on in and head out on the deck, I'm topless!" (Oh you classy classy girl you!). Well I come down the stairs, wet head, completely without makeup, borderline intoxicated and I look at AB to assess the situation and I instantly realized that I knew him.

In fact I said, "I have a picture of you in my scrapbook!" As it turns out, AB (who actually wasn't really in the Army, he was in the AirForce) used to hook up with my friend Staci about four years ago. He was cocky and arrogant back then and I think he only became a little better at hiding this now. So, there was no attraction but he did keep all us girls entertained. I can't even explain how much fun I had with Cr and Chelle...the ladies and I laughed our asses off all day. I'm sure my neighbors really, really hate us now because we were trashed, Cr was flashing us out on the deck. I think at one point we had each other bent over and were spanking each other for some odd reason and this spectacle continued out on my deck. This continued until we each went down for the count...one after the other. First Cr, then myself and finally Chelle and AB. So, perhaps AB wasn't my man of my dreams but at least Chelle got a few kisses out of the deal.

My mom called me from work today. The first reason was to ask if she should leave her job of 20 years to go work at a bookstore...something I know that she would love. It has finally come down to the wire and she had to give her decision today. I firmly told her that 20 years at this no-good-dead-end-evil workplace was no reason to stay. Twenty years, smunty years is what I said. And she made me feel like an honest to goodness adult/confidente when she said, "M, you're one of the few people that has actually had a positive reaction to this." To which I responded, "Mom, that's because I know you...and you've got to do what's going to make you happy." "Plus," I threw in there, "You could try going to college again," gently nudging her over the phone (Mom's ultra smart, but since she had me at 18 college wasn't in the cards...then she had a million reasons why she couldn't go back...and now, she's just plain scared. I'm going to keep working on it though).

Mom cleared her throat, "There's another reason why I'm calling you actually." Palpable tension immediately pulled at my ear over the phone line, "Oh yeah? What's up Ma?" Well, one of my co-worker's grandkids came into work today and out of the blue my co-worker asked her grandson if he would be interested in going out on a date with you!"

"Mom," I stated cautiously, "Why would a random person want me to date her grandson? In fact, Mom...is there any grandmother on the Eastern Seaboard who would want me to date her grandson." My mom laughed, "Well, she obviously doesn't know you quite as well I do..." and she just trailed off. "Well Mom, tell me about him. Is he like Quasimodo? Does he have multiple personalities? Would he tell me, "It puts the lotion in the basket, and actually mean it?" Mom just laughed. "He just got out of the Army," (bells of alarm...too rigid, too structured) and well, "He looks like someone who came out of the Army. He gave me his number to give to you." (bells of alarm. Who gives a stranger, sight unseen his/her phone number?). But I thought it would be nicer to just give him your AIM screen name, because well, I know how much time you spend on your computer. (Smack the forehead. Mom you know how much time I spend on my back too, did you tell him that? Greeaat so now he thinks I'm a computer nerd and YET still wouldn't mind giving me his number). So anyways, I have all his info, I just have to decide what to do with it.

I feel a little naked just reaching out and contacting someone out of the blue. It's all part of the artificialness of being set up...it's so much easier when there is actually chemistry and you go from there. It's also easier to obsess over a man for 10 months rather than go on dates...so there you go.

Whatever will I do? I probably won't hit up the mystery Army boy. Sorry Ma. No (legit) grandkids this year...probably no illegit either.

So Thursday my co workers and I decided to hit up the local bar for happy hour. Keep in mind that we get done work at 3pm so we were there a tad bit earlier than Happy Hour time. As you recall, I believe I told you that I work with about 999 females and about two single males so when Ml and I pulled up at the bar for the work Happy Hour we were almost certain that we'd be having a chick-fest (not that there's anything wrong with that). We were slightly surprised to see three guys sitting at the table (the two single guys and some other guy who's dating someone).

We entertained ourselves for many hours at this bar until we realized that we were sitting in the dark on the deck. I invited everyone to come back to my house and hang out at the bar in my downstairs. At this point it was the one single guy (the other one went to the Eagles preseason game) and five girls. This is when we decided to play, "Let's sexually harass each other." This game was primarily played by Ml, Single Guy and myself. It included playing "Grab Each Other's Asses/Packages" and the ever popular party game, "Show me your tits!" (Hello? Is that Class at the door or what?). Cue bad porn music...

Like the script of some badly titled Vivid Video rental I ended up making out with Single Guy. First, my friends and I ordered pizza and somehow he spilled sauce on his white shirt shirt (See? I told you it was bad porn. All we really need someone to show up the door and say that he was the plumber and that he was there to clean my pipes!) I told Single Guy to follow me upstairs and that I would give him a clean t-shirt to wear. Now this is a little embarassing because I'm a total slob so basically he watched me root around on the floor searching piles of clothes (clean mind you) for a t-shirt for him. I hand it to him (wrinkled beyond all recognition) and he puts it on. Then he says, "You've now seen me topless...Let's see what you've got under your shirt. Your boobs are the only boobs I haven't seen tonight." (have you heard anything more charming than that lately? Because quite frankly I think the next sappy Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks collaboration should include these lines)(You see, we were discussing boobs in the basement...and in reality, I don't think he saw the other girl's boobs unless he has x ray vison or something). This seemed like a fair request in my hard alcohol enduced haze (99 oranges is the devil I tell you...I love it a little too much...with a little orange soda...mmmm) so I lifted my top...and then he lifted my bra. Oopsy...I don't think you're supposed to do that kind of thing with your co-workers huh? Luckily for me...he works in a different building than I do now...unluckily for me in another way because he's one of two single men in the whole workplace. So then we kissed for a few minutes, I put my shirt back down and then we went back downstairs to join the others.

Somehow Ml and Single Guy got to flirting and when Ry came over to take Chelle and I to the bar, Ml and Single Guy were all cuddled up on the futon (the one that Matty and I made infamous...let's hope CSI never brings their blacklight over to my house...that would be embarassing). Damn that Ryan! I think I stopped paying attention to Single Guy to talk with him! Oh well, perhaps Ml got a little more action than I did. Obviously you win some and you lose some. And as it was going anyway, the only thing I would've lost would've been my pants...and wouldn't that be just a great story to tell at one of our place of employment's meetings? I kind of dodged a bullet in a way. Anyways, I didn't think much about it and left with Chelle and Ry for thitwbar!

Ry, Chelle and I made our way to thitwbar where Chelle and I continued to drink our way to oblivion when who should appear but Todd. Oh boy oh boy. If you don't know who Todd is allow me to catch you up quickly. Todd and I dated three years ago, he broke up with me to date this other girl...which was fine because I wanted to date someone else too. So then we were both dating other people. Three years later, he's still with that same girl, now living in the Cornfield with me and we end up hooking up occasionally...only because he lied and told me that they had broken up. Now they live together so I attempt to steer clear of him, because I don't want to be "that girl", nor do I appreciate getting lied to. But...sometimes that doesn't work. Sometimes it does.

Well I'm happy to say that I did not hook up with Todd. However, since I woke up and saw that I had a text message that said, "Sorry we (Him and his best friend) didn't make it back to your house last night, we passed a cop and got all nervous. Maybe we can get together this weekend?" So...apparently I was willing to give up my dignity on Thursday night. Oh well, the best I can do is try, right?

I spent the majority of my Friday, laying out, attempting to sober up...and then Friday night, I spent it hanging onto my toilet bowl. Somehow I some kind of delayed hangover. I threw up from eight pm to two am...unfortunately it was painful because the only thing that had been in my stomach all day and night was water. My friends all kept calling me to see if I was coming out and all I could do was groan over the phone at them and continue to lay on the couch.

Same old, same old. Perhaps I'll learn when I'm thirty...or perhaps not. Oh and thitwbar was sadly lacking one extremely adorable Suburban Pirate. I'm guessing he made it to Denver by now(sigh). On another note, I missed my tattoo appointment and so I guess I'll be waiting another week to get it done. Arrgh.