This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Friday, November 30, 2007
History Lesson--Melina, the Spark Notes Edition
I think our neighbors had a cigarette after we were done the other night. Perhaps it's the 5am workout regimen or maybe we are just two randy people, but last night kept me distracted all day thinking happy rosey thoughts about John...I am literally staring off into space thinking about him. Which leads me to a question that Gooseberried had, how did I know that John was the one for me? It was because of what I saw hidden in him...the stuff he was trying to make sure I wouldn't see, but it's hard to see how I got to John without knowing where I was before that.
Stop reading here if you've been with me over the past few years, it's just a rehashing of old events.
Some people have been reading this blog since the days that I was stalking Derek (the poor boy that worked at the bar up the street from my house whom I focused all my drunken affections on in a truly humiliating fashion that made this blog possible!) But to those of you who haven't been reading through the long haul here's a brief summary of what happened:

1. I fell in love with a boy when I was 25 (I went to college with him and loved him from afar the entire time). We dated for a while (after reuniting randomly in a graduate school class) then he broke up with me telling me that it was "too soon", because he ended his seven year relationship to be with me. Heartbreakingly he added that he just wasn't in love with me...although he had said it enough during our relationship for me to believe it. Six months after breaking up with me, he met his future wife and married her within the year.

2. A sad fact, I wasn't truly interested in a single man until I met John; it sounds cheesy and phony but it's the absolute truth. Yes, I dated here and there but I didn't get over Chris for years. It was a ridiculously long time for a fairly short relationship and I didn't do anything about it (like call him or anything), I just felt sad and broken for many years. Which is what caused #3.

3. I decided to harden my heart and just sleep with whomever I felt like it. It was fun, most of the time...occasionally it got messy but I was pretty good at separating true affection and sex...with my buddies T and Chelle by my side it became almost a sport for us and it filled our weekends pretty nicely.

4. I met Derek and I knew that he wasn't interested in me, so it was silly and safe to focus all my "love" on him because I wasn't going to get my heart broken...then I really kind of liked him. He still didn't like me and I was the drunkest stalker you could find! The blog posts are pretty funny but fairly embarassing to go back and read (Dec 04-Aug 05 I think). Looking back, I don't think I really would've liked Derek all that much if I knew him a little better than I did but it was a pretty fun time until I got depressed that he didn't like me (weird little things we do to ourselves, huh?). John likes to make fun of me because he and Derek went to high school together and were friends. I blush a lot when his name comes up.

5. After Derek left for school, I put myself on a Man Ban, and decided to get my head straight, heal my heart (finally) and move on with my life without sleeping with ex boyfriends, friends or strangers. I did pretty well. I avoided temptations left and right. I fought the urge to answer booty calls and I just kept chugging away in my self-prescribed celibacy. All I can really say about that period of time was that I kept the grocery store in business with all the batteries I was purchasing for my vibrator.

6. In a chance meeting right before Christmas, John was in town hanging out with his friends. T, Tony, John and I ended up staying up all night and I thought he was fact, I was thinking of calling off the Man Ban that night...alas, he dropped T and myself back at my house--but, he had my number if he wanted to use it.

7. I fell off the Man Ban bandwagon on Christmas was uneventful, but I thought I deserved a present.

8. John sent out a mass text on New Year's Eve, I responded to it and then we started flirting via myspace and texts. Somehow, I talked him into meeting up with me in the city. He lived there, I pretended that I went there all the time. From there, we basically started dating because drunkenly I asked him if he wanted to be exclusive on our "first official date". What can I say? I'm ballsy when I have whiskey in me! Although things were far from perfect. For instance I didn't know that he was still talking to his ex-girlfriend/girlfriend (I'm not totally sure if they were broken up or not because they had this crazy long distance open relationship), and him wanting to celebrate the single life with his roommates. I could tell that he liked me and I was terrified because in under two months, I had fallen for him. But why?
He made me laugh. That may be the most cliche reason in the book but he did things just to make me laugh. He was intelligent ( I was notorious for ending up with men who weren't bright and I would just end up mocking them and just being plain old mean to them). When he was with me, the entire world just seemed to fall away and he would focus solely on me (like the days where we would spend the whole day in bed, laughing/having sex/listening to music etc)...he still does this. I was smitten with the city life, even though I'm two years older than John I felt like I was just a little kid when I went down to see him--I felt sophiticated. That doesn't have anything to do with John persay, but I'm sure that it had something to do with the early days of liking him. I just liked him. For the first time in my life I wasn't scrutinizing anything or picking him apart, saying the things I did and didn't like about him, I liked him completely. I think that was big, particularly for me.

9. But there were roadblocks in our romance. Everything seems (and is) peachy in our relationship now, but John got cold feet and broke up with me. He wanted to "date" (aka screw) a waitress. I'm not entirely sure why I didn't just throw in the towel on him and deem him an asshole...which is the way he was completely acting at the time but I really think I understood why he was doing it. I saw his fear as he was pushing me away, I saw that he was in love with me too even if he didn't know it himself (uggh, that sounds like the stuff that bad romance novels are made of)...but maybe I was just hoping, I'll never know because I decided to do something about it. I went to the city and made a stand...albeit a drunken, piss myself kind of stand, but a stand nonetheless.

10. And after that, we were engaged by the end of May and married by the end of July in Vegas. Everything has been very easy for us, we've straightened each other out, helped each other prioritize our lives. Together we are everything I thought we could be, perhaps more (again it might sound like a line or cheesy but it's the truth). To answer your question in the comments Michelle, I'm not exactly sure how I knew, but somehow there were enough clues there for me see that I wasn't giving up on him without a fight.

Hopefully this post didn't bore anyone and gave some background without having to go back and read the entire archives.

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Wednesday, November 28, 2007
5:00? Looks good on ya!
Turning over a new leaf...

John got up this morning at the ungodly hour of 5 am to workout, shower and have coffee. His wife however, is a stubborn leaf and stayed on the tree (the bed) until 6:15. Tomorrow, I'm going to try doing it too...of course, this means that my lovely habit of getting up, getting dressed, tending to the dog, having a glass of water and then getting to work in 20 minutes will have to fall by the wayside. Sacrifices, sacrifices...

However, if that means I can lose five or ten pounds I can wear everything in my closet, and that my friends sounds like a fair enough trade. So John? Tomorrow when I roll away from you at 5am...roll me out of the goddamn bed, k?

People there may be a post about spousal abuse tomorrow after I beat John up for getting me out of bed, but he's strong, he can take a quick morning beating for the greater good. Am I right?

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Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Because I was tagged by not one, but two people...I figured I better do it. But the question is, what don't you all know about me after three years of blogging???

1. I hate bananas very much. Seeing them makes me queasy. Since John and I have been married, bananas have only been in our house twice. He loves bananas so I know it's a sacrifice...although, I've gotten better because both times I purchased the bananas. Meanwhile, for someone who just just loves bananas, he sure as hell didn't eat them!

2. I have a 30 second commute to work. I absolutely love it but sometimes I drive around the block just so that I can listen to a little more trash talk radio.

3. If no one was looking I would eat Duncan Hines Cream Cheese icing with a spoon, if my ass wasn't already "bootylicious"...any bigger and we won't have a cute name for will just be incredibly large. My mom has been known to present me with a shiny spoon and a tub of this particular icing on my birthday because she knows I don't like cake...or any sweet things except for cream cheese icing.

4. I like my dog more than most people. But then again she's nicer than most people...and more articulate.

5. I am obsessed with blogs. I check my blogroll and anyone who comments me every day without fail, some several times a day because I want to reread what they've written. I think it's because I'm a natural voyeur. Blog reading, however, has seriously taken a toll on the amount of books I read. I used to read about 7 or 8 a, I'm down to about one a month.

6. Some people might know this from the past but I LOVE to drink pickle juice from the jar. I think I knew deep down that John and I were going to make it when I saw him take a secret slurp from the jar one day. Now, we don't even try to hide it, we keep the pickle juice long after the pickles have been eaten for the express purpose of drinking the juice.

7. I have a genius IQ of 165. I cannot do any math in my head except addition and subtraction. Anything beyond fractions and decimals is completely beyond me. I am currently doing horribly in my Research Methods graduate class because I have to do statistics (it was supposed to just be a research study course dammit!). Despite all of this, I am married to a man who does math every day for a living...he's currently in charge of doing the math portion of my research study. Shhh, don't tell...

8. I could eat meat with every meal. I love meat. That sounds dirty but it's true in every sense of the word.

Anything else you want to know? Questions in the comments...

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Friday, November 23, 2007
Are those mashed potatoes in your pocket...
...or are you just excited to see me?

Gents, if you want a blowjob grab a bowl full of leftover Thanksgiving mashed potatoes and smear them on your penis...because if your wife, girlfriend or woman you picked up last night likes mashed potatoes as much as I do you will surely be greeted nicely, if not a tiny bit greedily.

Happy Leftover Day,

Love John and Melina

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Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Table for 15 please!
Posting has been minimal because a) I'm a little lazy and b) we are prepping for our second Thanksgiving together! For the second time we're gathering both of our families at our little home. It's an amazing feat that our families seamlessly and seemingly effortlessly all contribute items until we have absolutely everything we need. John has consulted with his TV girlfriend Nigella Lawson and found a recipe for his turkey brine...I'll be the first to admit I had no idea what brine was, nor did I recognize half of the spices and herbs that he placed on his shopping list. But now after seeing the madness that is a tupperware storage container filled with turkey and his assorted spices, I understand.

John is giddy with the responsibility of his very first turkey. He's a rare breed of man that I've married; he seems to be perfectly happy to be cooking while I am perfectly happy to watch him. I firmly stand by the rule that I will never cook anything that has a body cavity still intact. Gross. I will instead contribute a spinach and artichoke dip that never fails to please, it will be promptly on the table for consumption as soon as our hungry guests arrive. Mom will bring a ham because she knows that her princess finds turkeys alarmingly too large to eat (don't ask me what my deal is, I can handle chickens but turkeys are just too damn big to eat!! Weird phobia of big birds I suppose). John's mom will contribute pies, greenbean casserole and probably two or three surprise items while his sister will be making scrumptious mashed potatoes and lasagna (God bless the Italian side of my new family! More food options for me!) Everyone chips in and everyone makes something so mouthwatering that I may have to run out and buy a pair of elastic waist jeans, you know that I'd rock no, I don't suppose anyone really can rock them.

On a related tangent...
Tonight is Thanksgiving Eve, two years ago tonight I met John for the first time. Typically on Thanksgiving Eve, I hit the bars with a vengeance and pay for it the entire Turkey Day...this year I am proud to say that I told John that I would cart his ass around town to the three local bars so that he can catch up with all of his old friends. He surprised me by saying that he really wasn't interested in going out. Then because we are both awesomely exciting, we took naps...he's still snoring over there so who knows if he'll change his mind after he wakes up recharged. You can read about previous nightmares/Thanksgiving Eves here and here and here (there are other more exciting posts but I can't find them...check the archives). Somehow I managed not to write about how I didn't wake up until 2pm when the first guest arrived last year...yes, my husband thought it would be best to let me sleep it off. I woke up with an elephantine hangover and suffered a thousand comments about how I looked a little under the weather. I vow to look at least alive for tomorrow.

I am completely thankful for John, Frankie, my mom and her boyfriend, my entire new family, Baby G, my friends, the Internets and all of you who read my sporadic ramblings. Have a great holiday and give a smooch to the person you love.

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007
weighing on my mind
All night last night I dreamed of having plastic was a glorious dream, no pain and I was perfectly sculpted when I hopped (! obviously a dream!) off the hospital bed. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning decidedly not sculpted and so on a day that I don't need to go into work early, I went to the gym. I wish I didn't have to work until 12 every day.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Back to work
I thought about posting and then I realized that I have to go back to work in fifty minutes...until 9. Ugggh, it's conference season kiddos...

I will be an inspired woman tomorrow, after I tell parents nicely what is wrong with their children.

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Friday, November 16, 2007
If that's the case...
I don't want to play. Seriously, have you heard this commerical? I do a double take every time I hear it. Listen closely, doesn't it sound like the woman is cheerfully singing, "You might get AIDS!"

Maybe it's just me...

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Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Afternoon Delight
I've had this date circled on my claendar for two months now. My stomach was full of butterflies with anticipation. I took a half day at work to prepare for the occasion. At 12 pm, I was sunk neck deep in a bubble bath relaxing and preparing for a full body shave. And shave I third date shave, although this was a person I had been unclothed in front of many, many times. So why did I do it? Even now, I think it's sweet to make a good impression.
I got out of the bath and put on a pair of my cutest undies, and a pair of camoflauge knee high socks with pink bows at the top. I knew they were John's favorite, so they had to count for something. After reapplying my make-up and freshing up my dampened hair (JESUS, having slightly wavy hair, but not curly hair is a bane I live with all the time) I hopped in my little car and set out on my destination.
I was greeted politely and was quickly asked to take my pants off...within a few minutes we were deeply intimate. It was over before it started and I could hardly believe that I had been all worked up over it. To be honest, it was kind of like the first time I had sex, except the bed didn't smell like a frat house and I knew this person's name (I kid, I knew the guy's name!). After all was said and done, I was told I could put my clothes back on and that I could come on outside.

Yep, another year...another pap smear.

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Sunday, November 11, 2007
Gravity Works Against Me
Hangover be gone. Seriously, can someone please stop the evil dwarf that's in my head pounding on my skull with a hammer from the inside?? Last night was our friend Ronnie's birthday. We went to one of our favorite restaurants and then back to his house for a little house party action. It was like being in college again except with far better beer and no one was making out against the wall. Because Ronnie and his roommate are beer snobs I imbibed high octane beer rather than my watered down light beer. This resulted in me tripping over a cord, spilling an entire glass of beer and knocking over an that little detail of me being sprawled all over the garage with five shocked musicians staring down at me wondering why the music had died. To be fair, I am naturally clumsy, there were sixty thousand cords snaked everywhere AND I was wearing platform heels. It was very early in the evening and I hadn't had nearly enough to blame it on the booze. Later? Well that's an entirely different story.

Those heels will be the death of me. As my care taker, John took one look at my wobbly self and suggested that I sit down on the steps and slide down them rather than break my neck. He has all the good ideas. I flew down the steps at what seemed to be slightly faster than the speed of sound and "gracefully" landed on the floor in what I assume was a very chic pose. You know, legs akimbo and arms flailing while yelling, "whoooooaaaaa!" Two seconds later, John came tumbling after...apparently I wasn't the only one having problems with gravity.

A girl at the party whom I despise took one look at John and I sprawled and laughing at the bottom of the steps and said, "Do you guys need a drink? A drink of water maybe?" Her suggestion was scorned, of course. And seriously, her one liners need work.

Gravity continued to work against me all night and I finally admitted defeat, and that's why dear friends, I left the party shoeless. And that's what happens when you don't leave the house very often become socially inept. And I'm ok with that, because I have a partner in crime and suffering--John's on the other couch making moaning sounds that remind me of two whales humping each other. I'm not exactly sure why it would remind me of that because I've never experienced whale love making, but it has to sound like this.

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Friday, November 09, 2007
If these Couches Could Talk
When you're hosting Thanksgiving for 13 family members it might be wise to replace the two couches that you and your husband broke while having sex. It saves the awkward explanation why the one cushion is ripped open and pulled away from the back of the sofa and why the other couch is no longer structually sound.

At least that's what we think, so we're going couch shopping tonight. Otherwise there would be 13 pairs of wide eyed stares looking at us with what I would expect would be awe and pride. Or perhaps, disgust? It could go either way really.

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Thursday, November 08, 2007
Just when you think you got out...
They pull you back in again.

I no longer have credit cards. The credit lines are open but the cards have been meticulously cut with my kitchen shears. Slowly, deliberately and painfully I snipped them into hundreds of tiny, unnecessary pieces. Must. Get. Out. Of. Debt.

We've stopped going to the bars, we try to stay in on the weekends prefering to watch stored up episodes of Jeopardy! (you haven't lived until you've watched five episodes in a row. And yes, it goes without saying that I have revealed that I'm an incredible nerd) and movies from (the best expense we have in our lives...because we take full advantage of it, we pay about $1 a movie at this point). I do not go to the mall anymore. I live close to this mall, that's right...there are over 365 stores and boutiques! It used to be my life. When I started dating John I would actually stop at KOP (that's what we locals call it), buy an entire new outfit including cute undergarments with no previous history and change in my car before I sped to the city just to take everything off again.

In my more distant past, I owned a retagging gun. I would go to the most expensive stores and buy $300 jeans without a blink of an pair had gorgeous aquamarine beading at the waist band making a sparkling faux belt. Then I would wash the clothes or dryclean them, retag them and take them back without an ounce of guilt. Poor girls have dreams too. Through the retagging gun, I lived those dreams. Like a junkie, I miss the rush I felt as I swiped my card and went home wth bags full of useless clothing.

Well, it is official. I will have to live in a bunker because designer outlets have come to my small town. That's right kids, within three minutes of my house there is a fix. However, with that being said, I tempted everything and went and checked them out on the opening day...and I came home satiated, I window shopped but purchased nothing...and felt just fine doing so.

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Who wears the Panties in this House?
The other day I was feeling frisky and so while John was setting up his Fantasy Football line up (much lamer than D and D I think--kidding John) I said, "When you're done with that, take your pants off."

He looked at me and said, "Really? I'm not feeling all that sexy right now..."

So you can imagine my surprise when later he did take his clothes off that he wasn't wearing his best silk panties or a cute little bustier--because that's what I'd do if I needed to feel sexy.

I may have to buy him a feather boa or a silk smoking jacket.

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Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Nicknames for John
While playing Trivial Pursuit last night and losing miserably, I turned to my other skill set to help me in my time of need...I worked on a riff of nicknames for John. I submit them for your approval:

1. Le Douche
2. Sir Douchebaggery
3. El Douche ( pronounced: du- chee)
4. My Favorite Douchebag (like My Favorite Martian)

Mid list I sang, "Pass the douchie to left..."
corrupting this song:

And that's how I amused myself while being trounced, until John with his tragic eyes says, "Why must I be the douche?"

Why indeed? Because you're beating me at board games sucker! It's not a coincidence that every time John and I see my mom she makes sure to mention that I am a sore loser.

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John and I have board game fever, it can't be helped and I doubt it can be stopped. After work I had to babysit my neice Baby G, seen here, getting jiggy wit it:

but then after that, I picked up a new version of Trivial Pursuit for us to play. It is now apparent to me that I am an idiot savant or something like that--because I am better at the harder, original version. I cannot for the life of me, play Pop Culture, 90's and 80's version Trivial Pursuit. John ran circles around me collecting stupid pop-culture cheeses left and right--leaving me bitter to no end. Ok, so let's get this straight, the two decades that I grew up in and I barely know any of the answers? Apparently, I grew up in a cave and was raised by wolves. Who knew?

(Ps. I apologize for the sideways-ness of the video and the quality of the video, I did it with my cell phone while trying to keep her entertained since she's an intermittent screaming banshee due to teething).

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I did this because it was fun!
So, John and I were just sitting back on the couch the other night kicking around baby names (don't worry/or be excited, I'm not pregnant) kind of just warming our feet to idea and because after being around all the pregnant people and all the kids we were faced with tons of baby made us think. Well, baby names has always been a secret pleasant past time for me (a very covert thing that I have enjoyed in the privacy of my own home and rarely owning up to it in the presence of others). I never really thought I would have babies persay, but I've always enjoyed trying to come up with the perfect name combination. I think I got it from my dad. Yes, that's right, big burly biker used to be working on his Harley, and he'd stop and tell me some random name and say, "That name just flows...doesn't it?" Then he'd go back to some minor tune up. I think he liked names so much that it's the reason he had an alias (ha ha, yeah right! That's the reason! Although I find it adorable that his alias first name was Augie.)

Well, the next day at work I had some down time so I hit up a baby name website and quickly copied a list of names. I pasted it into my email and then in three minutes or so, highlighted names that I liked. I probably liked about 16 names in total (I'm picky, what?!?) I quickly sent it to John with the subject like reading, "I did this because it was fun! Make your own list!"

Later I checked my email and there was email from John that clearly stated his incredulousness with me, "You made a list of two hundred names for fun?!?" I scrolled down to see what he was talking about and there my list was...except the 16 names that I had highlighted weren't highlighted and there was just a random list of 200 names! I slapped my head and replied, " pressure here...I just picked 16 names, using that list!" Obviously, John either thinks I'm a lunatic or that I want to have no less than 200 of his babies. I explained later but I think after this little episode he'll be keeping his sperm under lock and key for a bit.

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Saturday, November 03, 2007
You want a post a day
don't expect anything good.

I went to a birthday party this weekend for the first friend I ever had (30 years ago)...the only person I had anything in common with at the whole party was John.

Don't get me wrong, I had fun...but I have never been around more babies and children in my entire life. Honestly, they were swarming everywhere!

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Friday, November 02, 2007
You've Come A Long Way Baby...
Posts about myself puking aside (see below), it's pretty amazing how far I've come in the past two years. Two years ago my house looked more like a frat house than a place in which a woman with a professional job resided. That mostly had to do with the fact that I spent most of my time out and very little time playing homemaker. As a naturally messy person, I would come home to the wreckage that was my house, shrug and think to myself, "No one else lives here, so why should I even bother." It was a fun time for me, but looking back it was more of a lonely time for me. It was less about the partying than about not wanting to be alone. And so out I would go...leaving all my responsibilities and fears behind.

Today, my house is becoming a stylish little pad. That has very little to do with me and mostly to do with John. He has been systematically covering the walls (that I had previously slapped a few colors on here and there) expertly with paint (that we both pick painstakingly). Seriously did I ever think I would be standing next to a man and saying things like, "Does this color purple flow with the colors we picked for the rest of the house?" That answer would be a definitive "NO!" We purchased a new charcoal colored carpet in the entire upstairs and when that's paid off, we will realize the dream of hardwood in our downstairs. I'm elated, and far more excited than I ever was as I swept shadow across my eyes, and practiced my glossy pout in the mirror. Of course, John still has to follow around after me so that I don't leave everything trailing behind me like a slug...but it's baby steps, kids. Baby. Steps.

The house is the tip of the iceberg in terms of change and new perspectives on things but I take it as a sign of good things that have happened to us and for things to come. Previous to knowing each other, both John and I were living parallel lives--both of us holding things down but not as well as we could've been (should've been). The two of us coming together could've been bad...we could've burned each other out. We could've been out at the bar every night of the week, not wanting to "miss out on the scene". Instead, we decided to grow up together and get it together. Today, John's become somewhat of a golden boy at work. Imagine, he used live mere blocks from work and yet now, with a two hour commute in the morning he's rising to the occasion more than he ever has. The same can be said for me, well, except that I might have a one minute commute.

Of course, don't let me kid you for a second that yes, we still love to go out. Yes, we still like to act like we don't have responsibilities and to pretend not to have a care in the world but it's for different reasons now. It's not about worrying about missing out on something, it's more about having fun together. Hence, I'll still find me playing drunken board games, which I suppose is better than what I probably would've been doing two years ago. Responsibility, who knew that one day it wouldn't be a dirty word to me?? Certainly not moi. That being said, I had to wipe myself with a Kleenex today because I didn't have time to go out and purchase toilet paper. Oh and with the work week over for me, I may just reach into the fridge, grab myself a cold one and reflect on another sucessful foray into the 'Real World' . steps.

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Thursday, November 01, 2007
Sorry So Quiet
All's well here...perhaps I'm understating-- it's simply perfect. But perfect rarely breeds inspired posts. I could tell you about how John and I have become afficienados of both Trivial Pursuit and Scrabble (that Genus edition is harder than I remember! I think my parents cheated and gave me fake questions growing up!). I could tell you that I needed my mom's help in paying my $1,000 bill to get my car cleared for inspection---it is seriously amazing how much better the car runs---it no longer sounds like Fred Flintstone is using his feet to carry my little econo-car along!

Instead, I'll tell you how our past weekend could've been exciting, in list form:

1. It could've been exciting if I hadn't played drunken Scrabble on Friday night.
2. I consumed 5 Molson XXX and a few other lite beers and all of the sudden I was just a blathering idiot.
3. 6,000 is the number of times that John begged me that night to take a breath and stop babbling.
4. 6,0001 is the number of times I ignored his request.
5. That night, the drunken sex was spectacular...I blame my drunkeness for my reference to John as a "stallion"...stallion??? You can do better than that, right???
I awoke the next morning to lay on the couch and drink another beer to try to stave off the hangover...instead, I passed out.
7. I awoke again, to puke.
8. and puke
9. and eat KFC
10. and puke
11. and eat Wendy's
12. and puke
13. John, my faithful nursemaid (and sex stallion), tried to revive me. First, with more sex...nice, but that didn't help. Second, with trying to get me to T's Halloween party. A party we were supposed to be at around 8 pm...instead, he was trying to rally me to go at 3 am and laugh at our drunken friends.
14. I waved him away, puked and set him along without me...I nestled down with a lovely marathon of To Catch a Predator (I think it's probably wrong of me to love that show...but I do, I love it)
15. John returned with lots of pictures and videos of all kinds of mayhem--girls making out, John's friend potentially getting a threesome (which may have been arranged by my very own sex stallion, since he plied them with numerous shots in the two hours that he was there--that's how he got his other name--The Shot Monster!)
16. I fell back asleep and laid on the couch the whole next day watching football next to the Stallion.
17. Moral of the story...drunken Scrabble can destroy a weekend I suppose.

Oh and I'm attempting to do this:

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