There are times when I realize that it was futile to love Derek...that he isn't the great person that I thought he was. Last night was kind of that night. Perhaps he was a tad icy because I was licking some boy's ear at the bar on Wednesday? Perhaps he's just a jerk? Perhaps he's just a guy that doesn't realize that he's hurting my feelings...most likely it's this option. I would never say that Derek's a jerk because he's very aware of people and being considerate. It's part of his moral code or something.

So anyways, Chelle and I hit the bar early for fifty cent drafts. Needless to say, Chelle and I were quite comfortably numb...not overly so though. Then Derek walked in. He hugs some girl, he hugs Chelle, he gives me a wave ( I understand his lack of physical displays of affection because he knows that I would read more into it) be that as it may, it stung. Probably more than it should've.

I think it stung more that he talked to this very lovely girl FOREVER...she has a boyfriend...where he was, I had no idea but I know that I was hoping that he would walk in the door as quickly as possible. But he didn't. I even considered calling her boyfriend to get him there quicker. Ok I was drunk, I have my period, I am super irrational...more than usual. But apparently I was transparent because Chelle leaned over and whispered, "Are you ok?" (great! I'm offically certifiable!)

Chelle somehow lapped me and became the "drunk one" of the night. I'm not sure how it happened but it was a nice change of events. When Chelle becomes the "drunk one" she makes friends with random people at the bar and we usually end up at some random late night party. Well I shouldn't have been surprised but I surely was. Oh boy was I ever.

It was kind of early when Derek came over to me and said, "I'm leaving. I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Are you going to be here tomorrow?" and then he leaned over, hugged me and left. Ok, so I was irrational...he didn't hug me earlier because he didn't want to hug three women in a row...or whatever (isn't it awful to be in my mind sometimes? so very convoluted at times. I promise that many people consider me to be an intelligent person...but I so rarely behave rationally or intelligently).

So back to Chelle being the social butterfly. She leans over and tells me, "We're going home with them." Them being a local band that most everyone around here knows. Where do we end up? Yeah, at the recording studio which is also where Derek lives. Grrrreeeat. Even when I'm not trying to be around him, I'm around him. So Derek ends up awake, in a wife beater, looking incredulously at us. Not because the band is there and they're in the mood to record at 2:30am...but because, we're there. Somehow, we ended up listening to a recording session...I don't think we got home until after 5 but I'm not sure about that. I was tired, I was embarassed to be at Derek's place, I was just downright uncomfortable to be in my own skin. I was thankful when Chelle's man of the evening dropped me off at my house and I was finally able to drift off to sleep.

I wish I didn't want to see him tonight, but I do...but I probably won't go out.