So I've been pretty negative lately, this is part of the reason I haven't been posting. It's not that I don't think I should display my negativity, it's just the fact that I haven't been able to put it into words right now.

There are several things working badly in my life right now, the least of which is Derek. Although--that's what I'll probably I'll write about in here, because the other situation, I still haven't decided what I'm going to do, how I can resolve it and how I can write about it without causing greater harm. Yeah, that was the single most vague statement ever. But let's just move on from there.

I've been feeling very isolated and completely alone lately. I can't say that I hated this, but it's been a dangerous trap I've been falling into when I don't necessarily want to be around anyone. Derek leaving has definitely had me less than chipper (not as bad as I thought I woud be) but no more so than the fact that he's been so distant lately. In my mind I thought that we'd strengthen the friendship that was actually growing and that we'd part as good friends. I no longer think that's possible.

I took the approach of staying out of his way, since we were both in the same places this weekend, because I know that he has a lot of people that he wants to say goodbye to and I didn't want to monopolize his time. Well of course, we know that I did want to...but I had enough respect to not do that. Let's just say, Derek made his rounds to everyone and their mother and I got two very curt "Hellos" in two days. Ok, you can't fall in love with me, fine...but what the hell is this all about? I'll never understand him.