Flirting with drunks and redwoods...that's playing with fire is what that is
Yesterday T and I got up and tried to be productive...by productive I mean we went to the mall bought a cd, a card for her stepdad and a gift card. We came home, had a few drinks on the deck listened to our new cd and then ran over to the local steakhouse to meet her fam for a little birthday dinner.
The dinner was so much fun and basically the most hilarious outing ever...picture this, T's mom leans over to her stepdad and says, "Aww they're such a cute little team!" about t and myself. We basically just filled them in on both of our love lives (the term crash and burn applies for both of us). And T's mom said, "I don't see how the boys you like, don't just love you guys...you're both just so darn adorable! Those men should be begging at your doors." She's a sweetheart, but all we could do was shrug.
After dinner we came back to my house and hung out on the deck singing songs, drinking beers and just living in our own little world. Everyone else was out of town or busy so it was just down to us. We wanted to go out and do something exciting however, we were a little too toasted to be driving anywhere so...we did the next best thing...we put on some fresh clothes, did our hair and walked our way up to thitwbar.
The walk there was a bit of an ordeal and fairly the funniest thing ever...as we were walking out of the development a group of boys were sitting on their front step and catcalling us. The best part? When one of the kids says, "The guy whistling at you is 11!" To which I yelled back, "Awesome!" And we continued on our way. Apparently it was a night for teenagers to be catcalling older women, we got stalked and howled at as we continued across the baseball field and the best one?? Some guy whistled at us as he was exiting the church that is directly across from the bar. I took this as a sign that we must've been doing something right with our apparel...and that people exiting churches are horny bastards.
We sat down and got straight to business...pitchers were the name of the game, as were shots of Jameson. There was a very drunk, and very cute man (he actually seemed more of a boy really) sitting next to T. He turned to us and started talking, swearing that he knew us and then he just continued to make us laugh with his drunken tomfoolery. He turned out to be a "beautiful mess"...very cute but awaiting a very long jail term...but that didn't stop us from flirting with him. He ran away when these two guys we know showed up...two very, very large police men. Obviously, our little man has had some run ins with at least one of them (as they weren't dressed for work or anything, and they were drunk as skunks) and he scampered out of the door as the others approached.
Well the bigger cop apparently had his eye on little ol' me last night. He would not leave me alone, his 300 lbs attempted to sit on my lap several times, share my barstool and what have you. He obviously practiced the kindgergarten flirting techniques of "pull her hair and make her cry if you like her" because he wouldn't stop harassing me, to the point where he stole my barstool as well as my cell phone where he was trying to delete any male's number in my phone ( I had to punch him to get my phone back...yes it was a very physical night). Somehow, I had beer muscles because I just dumped the redwood of a man right onto the floor and then sat daintily down back in my rightful seat. T and I agree that we were lucky that the man was totally focused on bedding me down because it could've gotten really ugly--I've seen him pissed off and all raging bull-like.
After declining the Redwood's "sexy" offer of "Fucking all night and me cumming all night to the point that I would never want him to leave...and my thighs could be wrapped around his face all fucking night" (this is a true quote...and there was sooo much more. I was, in great detail, verbally fucked just sitting right there in my barstool) T and I began our trek home, not risking the ride home from the boys. It's only about a block and a half but we managed to swerve and sway I think an extra four blocks or so. The best part? We both kept falling, and as we tried to pick each other up, we'd fall down and then roll on the sidewalk laughing. It was hilarious, we're such idiots...
We came home, played on the internet a little bit, chatted about the evening where T reemphasized that I was soo lucky I didn't get my ass kicked for dropping that guy on the floor...I'm not kidding, the boy went down like a brick, and congratulated me on my wise decision not to sleep with him (he seems slightly psychotic) and then we both called it a night.
The dinner was so much fun and basically the most hilarious outing ever...picture this, T's mom leans over to her stepdad and says, "Aww they're such a cute little team!" about t and myself. We basically just filled them in on both of our love lives (the term crash and burn applies for both of us). And T's mom said, "I don't see how the boys you like, don't just love you guys...you're both just so darn adorable! Those men should be begging at your doors." She's a sweetheart, but all we could do was shrug.
After dinner we came back to my house and hung out on the deck singing songs, drinking beers and just living in our own little world. Everyone else was out of town or busy so it was just down to us. We wanted to go out and do something exciting however, we were a little too toasted to be driving anywhere so...we did the next best thing...we put on some fresh clothes, did our hair and walked our way up to thitwbar.
The walk there was a bit of an ordeal and fairly the funniest thing ever...as we were walking out of the development a group of boys were sitting on their front step and catcalling us. The best part? When one of the kids says, "The guy whistling at you is 11!" To which I yelled back, "Awesome!" And we continued on our way. Apparently it was a night for teenagers to be catcalling older women, we got stalked and howled at as we continued across the baseball field and the best one?? Some guy whistled at us as he was exiting the church that is directly across from the bar. I took this as a sign that we must've been doing something right with our apparel...and that people exiting churches are horny bastards.
We sat down and got straight to business...pitchers were the name of the game, as were shots of Jameson. There was a very drunk, and very cute man (he actually seemed more of a boy really) sitting next to T. He turned to us and started talking, swearing that he knew us and then he just continued to make us laugh with his drunken tomfoolery. He turned out to be a "beautiful mess"...very cute but awaiting a very long jail term...but that didn't stop us from flirting with him. He ran away when these two guys we know showed up...two very, very large police men. Obviously, our little man has had some run ins with at least one of them (as they weren't dressed for work or anything, and they were drunk as skunks) and he scampered out of the door as the others approached.
Well the bigger cop apparently had his eye on little ol' me last night. He would not leave me alone, his 300 lbs attempted to sit on my lap several times, share my barstool and what have you. He obviously practiced the kindgergarten flirting techniques of "pull her hair and make her cry if you like her" because he wouldn't stop harassing me, to the point where he stole my barstool as well as my cell phone where he was trying to delete any male's number in my phone ( I had to punch him to get my phone back...yes it was a very physical night). Somehow, I had beer muscles because I just dumped the redwood of a man right onto the floor and then sat daintily down back in my rightful seat. T and I agree that we were lucky that the man was totally focused on bedding me down because it could've gotten really ugly--I've seen him pissed off and all raging bull-like.
After declining the Redwood's "sexy" offer of "Fucking all night and me cumming all night to the point that I would never want him to leave...and my thighs could be wrapped around his face all fucking night" (this is a true quote...and there was sooo much more. I was, in great detail, verbally fucked just sitting right there in my barstool) T and I began our trek home, not risking the ride home from the boys. It's only about a block and a half but we managed to swerve and sway I think an extra four blocks or so. The best part? We both kept falling, and as we tried to pick each other up, we'd fall down and then roll on the sidewalk laughing. It was hilarious, we're such idiots...
We came home, played on the internet a little bit, chatted about the evening where T reemphasized that I was soo lucky I didn't get my ass kicked for dropping that guy on the floor...I'm not kidding, the boy went down like a brick, and congratulated me on my wise decision not to sleep with him (he seems slightly psychotic) and then we both called it a night.
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