The trouble with a vibrator is that it doesn't look down at me with a half grin that seems to read, "Wow, we're making each other feel this way?" in a way that melts my heart. It doesn't grab my breast, or give my nipple a little tweak. It refuses to speed up or slow down according to the noises I make. Why isn't it rolling around with me on the sheets and ripping them aside, throwing pillows when they get in the way? Asking me to ride it? It doesn't kiss my neck, my throat or wrap my legs around it's back.

I've come to the conclusion that it's a poor, poor substitute.