This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006
A self portrait...outside and in.
My outside self:
I'm medium height...too short in my book, so I wear heels nearly all the time. The problem with that is that I'm not very good with the balance thing since I have very tiny feet. It's mostly ok, except that I like to fill myself with whiskey and beer and then my equilibrium is totally off. I have a smattering of scars on my knees to tell the tale. There's nothing special about my "shell" so to speak...I'm a little too "hippy" for my height, and I've got an ass on me...and good lord let's not discuss thighs, shall we?

I grew up with super blonde hair that slowly grew darker as I neared 18. I fought it, and fought it dyeing it blonde for years. After my dad died, I took the plunge...he always said that I would be "quite a dark haired lovely" and would try to coax me into doing it all the time...I took a deep breath and told the stylist, "Chestnut" and my platnum blonde hair underwent a significant transformation. Now at my ripe old age of 29, my hair is naturally long and dark.

I have bluish/greenish/greyish eyes...I think. It wasn't until my massive forray into the dating world did I hear about my eyes. They're probably my best feature but I didn't really know it until someone told me about it.

I probably have the smallest lips in North bottom lip is tiny and full, while my upper lip is a tiny little cupid's bow, I kind of look like I'm in a constant pout...but I could just be pouting.

My inside self:
I'm full of contradictions. I'm self concious but full of confidence odd mix and neither one is faked. I'm somewhat quiet and shy at times but most times I'm (too) loud and always laughing. I love to be the center of attention but I enjoy my moments of solitude too. I'm a problem solver, there's nothing more that I like more than to fix someone else's problems. My own problems? I like to push down inside of me and ignore until they're too big and unmanageable for me to handle. My job requires me to be a "pillar of the community," kind of like the moral pulse of the community...aside from not lying...I'm far from a moral epicenter--sometimes I feel like a sham. I enjoy being chaotic and out of control, but I secretly wish that someone would come in and help me micromanage my life, it gets tiring to be me.

I think too much about things. I bend and shape things in my mind, trying to understand all angles of makes me a better decision maker sometimes, except for the fact that I will put blinders on, if the conclusion that I come to isn't what I want it to be. I'm self absorbed (obviously. I have a blog where my only subject is me. True, it's usually about me and other people...but I'm the nexus) but at the same time, I constantly worry about other people and what I can do for them. I want the people closest to me to have the best (and not necessarily things that can be bought).

I have an addictive personality...I drink too much (I'm not talking alcoholic here...), I smoke too much, I feel too much, I want too much...but I rarely ask for anything, hoping that someone will one day give me what I need without being asked. When I'm sad, I'm a better writer, and when I used to paint or draw the same thing applied. When I'm happy, I neglect all other things in my life to stay that way. I'm come across overdramatic, but it's usually exactly how I feel. I'm intuitive and clueless at the same time...I can read people fairly well, but they can also lie to my face and I'd never know it.

This post could probably go on forever...
posted by Melina at 8:27 PM