It feels weird that tomorrow is the weekend and that I won't be seeing John. I spent every Friday as of late looking forward to seeing him, talking to him, laughing with him, at him and touching him. Especially since last weekend, was mostly so much fun...but last weekend was what it was I suppose. So yeah, I feel weird. Never been a creature of total change or whatever.

We've been volleying emails, and it's nice. He's seriously not a bad guy (ok, just take my word for it--I'm not in denial or anything, nor am I insane). Was he confused definitely. Did he accidently drag me into something, and punch a hole in my heart? Surely, he did. But is he also dealing with his own problems that are hurting his heart too? Probably more than any of us would have any clue about. After all the "total disclosure" from a couple days ago, I feel much better. In fact, I feel like I may know him a little better than I did before, maybe even feel more comfortable with him? Yeah, seems that way.

Like he said, "We might be ok..." as in we're not going to become mortal enemies or anything, maybe we'll even be friends. But as I told him and I'll tell you, I'm going to feel that one out. If I can't deal, I'll bail. Because nothing's worse than dealing with that jealous friend who can't get over someone...sooo...we'll see. I've never really tried this role on before, most times when someone I'm dating and I "break up", I'm ok...because I never really exposed myself entirely, so the jealousy would kick in, but not in the way that I'm currently worried about.

I won't lie, there's a part of me that wishes that there was some kind of magical way that we could try again...but since it's not what he wants (or needs or can do right now? I'm not sure which verb I should put in there), I'll live, and live without bitterness. And I'll take the fragile friendship we're trying to establish. I look forward to when we hang out again, I already miss his jokes and his random facts. He's very facty.

At least that's the take on it I have right now.

Now, it's off to dinner with Chelle and I believe, I can finally start drinking again without fear of becoming a sobbing/blithering mess over a few beers.

Enjoy your weekends...and I, I will certainly try to enjoy mine. (as if I wasn't going to post again tomorrow!)