Alternate Title: Everyone Misses John (and don't get a big head)

For a man who never wants to return to the Cornfield, there sure
are a lot of people who are worried where he is, and why he's
not sucking face with me. Let me explain:


Submission A

Well as always (twice, ok, fine), when John decides to stop
hanging out with me people decide to ask me where he is,
they never ask any other time. I think they can sense sadness
or something and they feed on it...stupid jerks.
Here were some of my answers (and yes, these are actually things
that I said,
and I provided no extra explanation for any of them):
1. He's servicing me under the table, please leave so he can finish.
2. He joined a cult. It's a gay cult.
3. That was his name?!? Are you serious? I never knew!!!
4. I don't allow him to go out during the week, who's going
to watch the kids?
5. I wiggled my finger and said, "John's not here Mrs. Torrence"
ala The Shining.

Those were just five of the ones that I used...there were more.

Submission B

When I start my car there are three very distinct notes that
sound out. Back in early February, John once coined the
lovely phrase, "You...can...drive..." while I Was driving T
and him back to my house in the snow, and he sang with each
note. Now every time T gets in my car, she sings along with it.
Now she sings it, cups her mouth and laughs saying, "I'm sorry."
When in fact, she's not sorry at all...nor do I really care, it
makes me smile.

Submission C

The question that came up from T when tipsy...
"Do you think you and John will be cool enough
for him to come over and make/drink Bloody Mary's with us again?"

Submission D

The skeevy guy that John hates says to me,
"Did John break up with your ass yet?" as a joke.
I looked at him straightfaced, "As a matter of fact he has,
and now I'm composing my suicide note...
could you please excuse me?"
That's the first time I've seen that loudmouth flustered.


It's actually nice...you'd think my friends would have

a bitchfest about John. However, last night, T and Chelle
discussed good times they had hanging out with him, things
they miss about him already,and things that they're going
to miss (it kind of sounds like a John eulogy or something,
but I swear it wasn't like that!). As I was gently released

back into the wild (why didn't I get a Mitchapolooza, I would
like to ask??) I got lots of reassuring pats on the back, lots
of comments that were meant to be soothing (for example, "Wow.
We totally switched places huh? I never would've pictured this
scenario two months ago...he looked totally into you...") but
fell a little short and lots of comments that were dead on
perfect without being Halmark. (if it seems odd that we're
discussing this stuff now, it's because I refused to leave my
house until last night).

And there were a few beer tears, but we'll breeze right by those.
Damn beer tears! You're the reason why I was scared to go out in
public...luckily, I held off until the car.