So I wasn't going to post for a couple of days but this is too good not to. I went out to dinner with my friends and then we ended up at thitwbar. I didn't partake in much of the boozing, since in my delicate emotional state, I think I would've drank myself under the table. Particularly because I heard the following:

"Hey! Where's John? Isn't it his birthday?"

"M, your boyfriend is cool, while her boyfriend is lame." (then I had to quietly say with a smile on my face, "He's not my boyfriend anymore...we're on good terms though.")

"Why did John saying he wasn't coming out to the 'burbs tonight? He always comes to the 'burbs on Thursdays!"

I gritted my teeth and beared it, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

On another note. I ran into Matty last night. He came up to me, pretty drunk and said, "I've been meaning to apologize for the last time I saw you." I racked my brain, trying to figure out when the last time I saw him, I gave up and shrugged. "I don't remember the last time I saw you..." He laughed a little and said, "I was drunk, showed up at the FQB when all those bands were playing..." he trailed off. I thought back. I remembered the night, three really good punk bands, hanging with the girls and I remember having sex with John in the car that night in the parking lot...hmm, don't think that's what Matty was apologizing for! Nope, couldn't remember.

Matty saw I wasn't remembering so he continued, "That was the night that I came over to your house, and your door was unlocked and so I went up into your bedroom (Vivian, it made me think of you!) and then I showed up at the FQB and you said, "My boyfriend probably wouldn't like that so much, please don't come into my house and go into my bedroom." So I nodded. "Oh yeah! I remember that night." I could see that he was probing to see if there was still someone in my life, I said nothing except, "It's cool, just don't bust in my house dude." Yeah, I would've had extremely good sex with him...but I think I would've started crying about John or something mortifying...so I think I made the wise decision and not try to fix my heart with a random screw.

And then I saw that he was wearing my hoodie that I lent him when he was cold last year on my birthday. Wow, what a difference a year makes.

I'm getting out of self pity mode, if you can see! I do miss John. I'm fighting hard not to send him random emails or texts just to banter...I miss our banter, but I'm winning the fight. I won't lie, I look at my phone constantly,hoping that he sends me a random text and that he misses talking to me too...and then I remember, um, he kind of threw me away.