This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Monday, February 20, 2006
And which personality am I speaking to now?
This is a post I didn't want to write. And honestly, I never thought I was going to write this post for a very long time, if at all.

John broke up with me.

Yep, I'm not lying. It's a little funny because I sent my friend a message on AIM and said, "you'll never guess what john did" and she said, "What, did he propose already?" So it's not just me...I wasn't the only one in la la land thinking everything was perfect. My friends are all pretty shocked too.

We talked about breaking up a little last night, but then I started crying and he left (I'm just breezing over this part because there was a whole lot of crying, and looking into each other's eyes) but then today in truly a horrendous fashion we started talking on email...and then, I got this email:
thank you for understanding, or trying to at least :) there's a lot about my life that i'm just not happy about right now, none of these things involve anyone else (especially you). i need to get my sh*t together, and i'm not going to drag you around while i'm doing it... i think we should call the whole thing off for the time being.

(I don't believe Dr. Phil would like this message one doesn't seem to explain ANYTHING...sorry, my friends Chelle and Katie are die hard Dr Phil lovers...I'm not so into him myself...but it makes me laugh).

I couldn't respond to this email. People always make the analogy of a breaking heart shattering like glass or something dramatic like that...but to me after reading this email, my heart just started tearing...I felt the tendons pull and stretch to their limits until they snapped apart leaving nothing but frayed edges and pain. It turned out that my heart didn't tear, I just had a horrible asthma attack that was spurred on by the email. In between all the tears, I was sucking on four different kinds of inhalers. Awesome! Am I not supposed to have some sort of intuition that there was something wrong? I never felt that once. Now I'm really scared.

So we "called it off" as if we had been playing street hockey or something, perhaps it's just a rain delay?? yeah right...I read the "Potential" post again and my cheeks burn because I had no idea this was coming. In my mind, this was just the beginning of something great, I was seeing the potential...I was skipping around shaking hands and patting babies on the head. Life seemed sweeter, the air life on an upswing. I wasn't obsessing, I was just sharing my life. I mean c'mon, just on Friday he drove in the middle of the night from Delaware and showed up on my doorstep unprovoked by me at 3:30am, because "he missed me" (I know what you're thinking, sex. but no, we just spooned and went to sleep)...and now this. I kind of think that he's doing this to create some drama, particularly because he's always been in drama rich relationships and everything with us has been on an even keel (but not least in my opinion..but really who the hell knows anymore). In the back of my mind/heart there's a hope that he'll just change his mind. I know I should feel angry or something...but I just feel hurt, shocked and a little numb. I felt like this was the real deal. And I'm left with lots of questions, no answers.

The worst part. I want him to change his mind...but what kind of person does that make me?

The laughable part...deciding when to change my relationship status on myspace, when to take him out of my top eight and to remove his picture? Because I don't want it to be over...but I don't want to be sitting with a fake boyfriend on my page. Arrrghh, this is all very 10th grade.

This is how I feel: Image hosting by Photobucket

posted by Melina at 3:36 PM