With so much around me changing left and right and granted I know I am being melodramatic…it is not cancer, it is not death; so just play along with me! I decided to consult the fortune cookies and see what is in store for me in the near future. As you know fortune cookies are never wrong. Once I even received a cookie that told me quite solemnly that You love Chinese Food Damn! The fortune was spot on! Last night I cracked a few open because I save all my fortune cookies and give them to my dogs as treats so I have billions of them now…waiting to portend the future.

First cookie: You are an exciting and inspiring person. Well hello? C ome on and tell me something I did not know…oh wait, Me--exciting and inspiring? Am I inspiring people to drink? To go out hustling? What am I inspiring people to do? Are people inspired after reading my blog to stay married or something? That is about all the inspiring I think I have done lately. But I must admit, I am verrrry exciting, especially when I talk about Third Watch reruns and pinching my poor dogs on their butts. That is mighty exciting.

Second cookie: One thought driven home is better than three left on base. Hmm, what could that one thought be? Drk does not like you and he never will? This one thought driven home business sucks. I preferred three on the bases myself.

Third cookie: Before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos. This one is actually pretty funny because I kind of remember the obstetrician saying something like this right before I was born…oh and then right afterwards there was great brilliance. No in all seriousness, this is the Nostradamus cookie…apparently all this flux and chaos is going to pay off. Who knew? Gosh, I just love those upbeat fortune cookies…those wise masters of cookie luck.

Fourth cookie and last cookie. The dogs each got two and I got a handful of fortunes to divine with: Now is the time to try something new. Ok. You heard the cookie, so I do not want anyone calling me a whore or a slut when I go out and try someone new-only kidding, you are allowed. And this is the beauty of the fortune cookie…it always tells you what you want to hear. Except for the cookie that was talking about the bases being loaded; whoever heard of a fortune cookie using sports metaphors—that just seems wrong to me!

And now, it is time to create your own fortune…destiny is created not foretold…go here and create a fortune cookie. My cookie says Pirates are not the only ones who want your booty. What does yours say?