Chelle and I have just come home (yes it's 10 am) and she's spouting crazy talk like "Why do I have to be a woman?" and "I want to fuck him so bad!" (it's badly but I won't tell her right now). So the back story. Chelle called me at like 9:30 last night to see what I was doing as the wedding reception that she was at was coming to an end. We decided to go to thitwbar. Chelle was just a tad bit wasted but looking extremely hot in one of the hottest dresses that I've ever seen. We ran into Monk, Ryan and Vinnie at the bar and fun ensued. Well kind of. I think Chelle had a good time. I, however, hate boys.

Matty came to the bar, he stopped over and say hi to me but we both seemed a little strained in our conversation. I have to say, I thought he was looking mighty hot. Stupid bastard. I call him that because he took some other girl home last night. The girl kind of looked like she wanted to kill me because Matty and I would have sporadic conversations and one of them went like this"
Matty: When I come over next time I'll bring that movie we were talking about.
Melina: Yeah, that's cool. You left your wifebeater and that mix cd we made last time.
Matty: Oh yeah? I'll have to get them! I just bought a ton more of those undershirt thingies...they are the only thing that keeps me going in the summer.
Melina: The only thing?
Matty: Shut up smart ass!
And so our little conversations went. But I'm not sure if I was supposed to compete for his attention with the girl that he was talking to or what but I chose to ignore the situation...that was until they left together. Oh jeez, what is it about my boys this week? But I can't complain because I refused to call him all week...I guess that sent a pretty clear message. Fuck me, I can't win.
When the bar closed we decided to go and hang out with Hot Ronnie, Mikey and Hot Ronnie's roommate John (or Johnny if we want everyone to end with and y or an ie). John is also very hot, actually hotter than Ronnie except Ronnie exudes hot sex appeal. Before we left I took a shot with Drk and suggested that he join us over at Ronnie's when he was done working and he said, "Nah, I never go over there. I'm just going to go to bed I'm tired." Whatever, I'm so sick of him too. Yes folks...I'm at the end of my rope.
So we head over to Ronnie's and it's a good time. Ronnie sang songs, drank some beer and in general, acted like drunken fools. But what to my amazement do my little eyes take in? Drk's shirt that I made for him! My eyes must've widened or something because Ronnie says, "Yeah big D left his shirt here." Um, come again? Drk. The boy who "never goes there" left his shirt at Ronnie's, the shirt I made him? Fuck, my blood was boiling. But apparently my seething wasn't showing because Ronnie hands me the shirt and says, "You guys are tight right? You can give it to him, because I'm sure you guys hang more than he and I do." Yeah, we 'hang' all the time...(that's sarcasm folks) At this point in the night the wisest course of action is to send Drk text messages, which I did. Why? Because I was drunk and pissed at myself for not being better to Matty this week and because Drk (now dubbed the other little bastard) left a really cool shirt that was made for him with love at Ronnie's and because Todd was getting back together with his girlfriend and probably a million other reasons (I don't need sympathy because I've brought it all on myself). My texts went a little something like this (in true drunken, incoherent style):
Big D, I have your shirt. I'll bring it to you one of these days. It's so not cool to leave it behind dude. I thought you never came to Ronnie's. I have totally given up on you. You and everyone else with a penis today. But I have nothing but love 4 the people.

Ok. Fucking drunk ass says what?

Because one retarded message is never enough I had to send a second one to further illustrate my point. It read as such:
Sometimes I think you're really cool and then you go and do this.

Wow, that's so condemning, if only he gave a damn. And anyway, why was I flipping out that Drk accidentally left his shirt somewhere? I'll tell you why, because I was drunk and I was miserable. Luckily, someone was having fun--and that someone was Chelle. Chelle managed to hook up with Johnny. Ohh la la...hot, hot, hot...actually, probably one of the hottest boys in the entire Cornfield. Let's say it together, "Go Chelle, Go Chelle!" Ok, now everyone do the wave. Unfortunately, her stupid period foiled her plans for hot monkey love...but there's always next time. I'm not even sure how this all happened because she's now passed out on my couch with a smile on her face. All I know is that I was spooning with the granddaughter of the owner of thitwbar on the love seat because the floor was so freaking cold and hard. So that was my evening; I spooned a girl, got dissed by my standby fuck, got turned down by Drk (as usual) oh and my $600 digital camera was stolen out of my purse. Excuse me while I go slit my wrists.

On the plus side--I was able to get a good laugh this morning--first over my life's circumstances, Chelle's comments and then over the fact that John drove us home in a creepy white serial killer van. You know 75% of all serial killers drove conversion vans right? (although with the advent of four wheel drive sports utility vehicles I think they probably blend in more with those). There weren't even seats in the back. Basically, I kneeled. We all had a good laugh when I said, "On my knees again and it's not even nine am."

So I'm down, but I'll dust off my knees and get back up again. I hope.