This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Monday, April 25, 2005
Trapped In The Movie Groundhog's Day
Pinball has always been my favorite game and I'm an expert it (ahem, a pinball wizard if you will). While Groundhog's Day has always been one of my most hated movies (sorry fans of said movie). It's a little funny that these two things have something incredibly similar to the state of my love life. I pinball my way back through the same two to three guys and the same thing repeats itself over and over again. I'm mostly ok with that. Emotionally, it's probably not the most healthy thing to do but I've never really sought to change it. On occasion, one of my boys will offer more than I'm willing to deal with (dating wise) and then I push him away and move on to one of the others and then so on. Case in point this month? Matty. Matty acted all lovey dovey and vaguely mentioned the fact that we're both single and what happens? I don't call him back for two weeks. What else do I do? Agree to hang out with Todd, knowing that I'm going to have sex with him and knowing that he's basically a toxic element in my life (but he's a darn cute toxic bugger). And then there's Drk.

Drk is the crux of this site, the heart almost. He's the boy we're all familiar with...numerous pictures and countless stories of fruitless wooing and I'm no closer; in fact, I'm possibly further away from getting Drk to like me--especially since the puzzling flip out over the tee shirt on Saturday. But there's the rub. You can't make someone like you. You either feel it or you don't. And I've known, but refused to believe it, that Drk doesn't feel it. He might have an occasional bout of 'like' for me...but it's never going to go anywhere. I'm not saying I can just cut off my own feelings for him but I'm done pursuing him with a fervor I've seen only in religious zealots. I'm not going to play my little games of ignoring him, which does make him come talk to me. I'm not going to do anything. I will still go to thitwbar, baby steps people. I will have to give him the shirt that I made him, and make a little small talk (actually dreading this part...can I blame it on PMS, please? Just this once?). I will still think about him when I get out Mr. Pink (hey, I'm human!). But, this probably above all else is holding me back. My lust/like/not quite love for Drk allows me to stay in a comfortable holding pattern because, "If he doesn't love you, then he can't hurt you either," at least that's been my motto--for almost three years now. Wow. Time for a change.

Matty hasn't called, I'm ok with that. Not happy (at all) but ok. Maybe he's feeling the same way about me...maybe he needs to find a girl who is emotionally available. Maybe he's just sick of me not calling him back. Maybe he will call...who knows.

Todd called me Saturday to tell me that he was going down to the (ex) girlfriend's house to give back stuff and get his stuff and I haven't heard from him either...but I haven't called him. I'm ok with this as well. In a perfect world, Todd and I would date. He's a cutie, he's so much fun, he's ambitious, he's pretty generous...but he isn't totally truthful and it's not a perfect world.

Drk and I never talk on the phone, I just send him stupid text messages that read like a German trying to translate Spanish into Hebrew. I'm not ok with this, but I'll deal with it.

Now that I'm basically comfort fuck free (scary), I'm not going to say that I'm excited about this prospect but at least I'm going to be open to the idea. And I'm not going to lie and say that I don't have my fingers crossed that Matty will call tonight and that I'm finishing this post to get a shower.
posted by Melina at 5:36 PM