This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Rock Bottom
Ok, this is my final whining about men for a while. Last night I hit rock bottom and it can only go up from here. I would like to blame all of this on Chelle because I invited her out for dinner and she turned it into a Tuesday night bar tour. Who does that when you're not in college? Apparently Chelle, myself and every ex or person I've ever liked in my life. Let me get to my story because I'm probably going to cry again...I don't even know why I've been crying but here goes.

We go to thitwbar after dinner and who walks in and sits across from us? Matty and the girl from Saturday night. Matty and I gave the awkward wave and eventually he and his girl move to a table in the corner of the bar. I checked them out once or twice and I was completely and totally jealous but...I have to say that they seem to be clicking on a level that Matty and I never really did. It only got worse though when I went to the bathroom and Matty's new girl went in and was talking on the phone with her girlfriend about Matt. It went a little like this, "No we haven't really done anything. He called me on Sunday night (remember that's when I called him...well now I know why he had plans) but I didn't call him back. We talked on Monday and now we're out even though he got seven stitches in his thumb today at work." Well, I just slinked out of the bathroom before I heard anything more and mentally wished them luck while the rest of me felt conflicted. Chelle must've seen the shell shocked look on my face and so she suggested that we head to another bar. I agreed.

As we walk into the next bar the first person I see is Todd. His back was to me but I felt creepy not saying hello to him so on my way back from the bathroom I touched his shoulder and said hello. That was it, a simple hello and I went back to my seat. Well, unbeknownst to me, I think his girlfriend (you know the one he supposedly broke up with) was sitting next to him and his friends. After a little discourse, they got up and left. Wow. I felt like an idiot, for numerous reasons. Chelle must've seen the crest fallen look on my face so she suggested that we go back to thitwbar. I agreed.

We went in thitwbar and who should we see? Todd and his friends. They left the bar to get away from me and it looked as if I was following them. I swear, I had no idea. I don't have that kind of craziness in was awful. After two minutes my presence shooed them away again. This time probably for good. Drk was working but I did my best not to make eye contact with him. As miserable as I was, I was making good on my promise to myself to be over him. And it didn't hurt that he never came over to talk to me either. We did give each other a quick wave from across the bar but it was sterile and painful. Actually the whole night was like a hysterectomy without anesthesia.

You'd think that this would be enough right? Wrong. J was also at the bar with a very lovely girl. This didn't really sadden me or depress me because J and I haven't even seen each other in almost two years...we just talk on the phone a lot. He moved back to the Cornfield a month or two ago and I thought I'd be seeing a lot of him but I think I found the reason why I haven't. I truly wasn't miffed about this one, in fact I didn't even try to say hi to him. I just let that one walk out the door.

So that was my night. I was miserable. I had tear filled eyes at the bar. All of my boys (who were never mine obviously) were walking out of the bar with their hands on a girl and then there was me. Drunk. Tired. Sad. Walking out of the bar on the arm of a good friend who was just hoping that I wouldn't try slitting my least not on her watch (that is a joke, not serious). I'm not the kind of girl that needs a man to feel complete but it just feels kind of bad to see guys that I liked to varying degrees and levels (friend-wise, sexually, deeper emotions and relationships) finding someone who suits them better than me. It's selfish and I should be happy for them (especially if I ever cared for them) but I'm not ready to take that step yet.

Whew. It's out, I feel a little better. Although I'm planning on going to lay on my couch as soon as I leave work.
posted by Melina at 2:57 PM