You know hoodies? You know like the picture to the left? I have to force myself to call them hoodies because when I was growing up, my dad called them sweathoods...which is what I secretly call them.

The term sweathood is so dirty and nasty! I'm just picturing a hood all full of sweat. Now, it's not the most humiliating thing ever but I'm just trying to wrap my head around what other words my dad mistaught me. I know there has to be a lot out there since the man would write things like this:

zink=sink
bite-a-min= vitamin
skreen door=screen door

Amazingly, English was his first and only language. Even more amazing? I teach English.

Reveal something only moderately humiliating to me. Pwwwwweeeeassssssszzzzzzzze???

PS. Buy me that sweathood *ahem* HOODIE...it's flippin' sweet!

Hi everyone, sorry so silent as of late...just busy. But not too busy to interview Miss Ragtopday for the Great Interview Experiment!!! Here were her responses, you should participate too if you're of the mind to or at the very least start reading Neil's blog, it cracks me up daily when I should be doing my own posting.

1. Describe the biggest challenge of being a single mother of two. (I guess I should put that in the form of a question. "What is the greatest challenge of being a single mother of two?")

For me, the biggest challenge is that I am always "on". Always. I never get a day off, or even an evening. Because I also don't live near family, I have very little support. It's all on me. Just writing this sounds like I'm having a pity party with myself, and yes, sometimes I do feel this way. Especially when married friends complain how hard it is when their spouse is away for a night or a weekend. And I think – you're complaining to ME?? I'm also not good at asking for help, and have the mentality that I must do it all myself, especially since I became a single mother by choice. I actually had someone (a family member) chastise me for feeling stress because I "chose this". Yes, I did – the decision to adopt both my girls was made outside of a relationship. I always planned to do this alone (though I was married for three years when K was little.) So that's the external challenge. I'm going to throw another one in there, which is not specific to single parents, but in parenting two. While I initially thought it would be the day-to-day logistics that would turn my world upside down, the truth is it's the relationship between my girls that causes me the most stress. While they get along fairly well, they also bicker a LOT, and the dynamic between them can be well, interesting. And stressful.

2. What was the best thing about being in the military?

Gosh, where do I mention I was in the military! LOL! That honestly seems like another lifetime ago. I suppose the best thing was being exposed to people from outside my own little world, and the fact that I got to manage people (or try to) at a very young age. (I made a TON of mistakes!) The most fun thing I did was Airborne school where I actually got to parachute out of an airplane (5 times!).

3. You talk about your relationship about your mom as being...well...a little strained. What's (was?) your relationship with your dad like and do you think that has anything to do with the way you and your mother interact?

Boy, this one is a tough one. My parents divorced when I was 9. Up to that point I would have described my dad as my favorite parent. Gee, who wouldn't? Mom was the one who made me get dressed and clean up after myself, while dad took me with him on cool errands (like the barbershop) and was more fun. Gradually over the years though, I grew closer to my mom. When I was in my early 20's I would have described my mother as my best friend. My dad was always there, but our relationship was more intellectual, if that makes sense. He and I had the same taste in books and would discuss those, as well as current events, job issues, etc. He was a mentor and a friend. Unfortunately, he passed away in 1997 of cancer at age 62. He and my mom had no real relationship with each other, aside from being parents to the same kids, and that ceased to be of much importance once I graduated from college.

It wasn't until my step-father died suddenly in 1991 that my relationship with my mother grew strained. I came to realize she had a drinking problem, and probably had for many years. It was hidden from me by the presence of my step-father, I think now because she didn't need me when she had him. Or to put it another way, once he was gone, she needed me desperately. She verbally abused me while drunk and pulled a lot of crap on me for several years. Conveniently these always occurred during blackouts for her, so she never understood why I was upset. While her drinking seems to be a non-factor right now (it's not something we talk about), she has some very insecure personality traits and I can really only take her in very small doses. If she were not my mother, she is not someone I would choose to spend time with. Actually, I choose not to anyway, but because she's my mother, I do. Which I feel guilty about, constantly. And while I strive not to talk about my feelings about her with my girls at all, they have certainly picked up on them anyway. I mean they can tell who is on the phone by the tone I use when I say hello, for crying out loud! So I worry about whether payback will be a bitch when my own kids want nothing to do with me one day.

4. Describe the happiest moment of your life.

Hmmmm….I'm supposed to say adopting one of my kids right? But while amazing, and singularly significant, I can't say the overriding emotion was happy. A happy moment is by definition fleeting, I think. Contentment is what I'm really after. Still working on it.

5. Since you seem to be a great fan of memes, give me your top five favorite songs and what they remind you of.

Aw, the only reason I'm such a big fan of memes is that I'm lazy! It's a fun and usually easy way to post something. I read somewhere that memes are more fun for those doing them, than reading them, and I believe this to be true. So, I would like to apologize for doing so many!

So these aren't really my top 5 favorite songs so much as five songs that have memories associated with them:
• "Turn the Page", by Bob Seger – has high school written all over it
• "New York, New York", by Frank Sinatra – the one is a college song for me – every Friday night the student center held a dance, and this was the finale song every week. My ex and I used it as the final dance at our wedding as well.
• "Hush Little Baby", Carly Simon – this is the version on the Jim Brickman CD my girls listen to as they fall asleep every night; I also sing my own (butchered) version to them every night as well
• "Paradise by the Dashboard Light", Meatloaf – what's not to love?? It's so much fun to sing at the top of your lungs – it's been popular since I was a teenager, and can bring me back.
• "Horse with No Name", by America. The song I danced to with a boy for the very first time.


6. You talk about how much you love your girls and that they were both adopted, what advice would you give to future adoptive parents?


Adoption is a wonderful way to build a family. While many people adopt after infertility, I did not – I never tried to get pregnant. So, first, don't ever think adopting is "second best" just because it comes second (or third or fourth) in the way you try to become parents. There is a difference.

But adopting is not the same as giving birth to biological children. All children come with a history, all children were created by a man and a woman, and in the case of adoption, this means not you. Don't be threatened by the existence of birth parents. If you are lucky enough to be able to have a relationship with them, embrace it. I cannot emphasize this enough. I do not have information on either of my daughters' birth families, but I would do most anything if we could get it. It's that important TO THEM.

Also, talk to adult adoptees, either in person or online. And listen to what they say. Their experience is true for them. They have much to say, and are worth your time to listen to. Before you adopt, after you adopt, forever. If you will be adopting internationally and/or interracially, talk to people from that country or of that race. Racism is alive and well in this country and it does no favor to you or your children to pretend this doesn't exist or that "they're American now". I don't blog about this much, because I read many blogs where adoptive parents, birth parents and adoptees talk about it so much better than I, but it's very real.

7. Another question that stems from your girls. You've mentioned that both are Asian, how are you and them treated by society (I know the one post mentioned that a boy in one of your girl's classes wanted to know "where she was from")...do you feel that there's an initial urge from strangers to dismiss the three of you?

This is a great question, and my answer ties into my answer for the previous question. First, my girls are still young, so when we are out together we are still assumed to be a family unit. I expect this to change as they get older when people may wonder why those teenage Asian girls are walking with that white woman. But quite the contrary, rather than feeling dismissed, I feel like many people are attracted to us. Granted, this is happening less than when K was a baby/toddler (and that's fine with me!), but I think our difference gives people license to approach us and ask us questions. I also get a lot of "they're so beautiful" comments. And while they certainly are, I don't believe people wouldn't comment so much if not for the racial difference between us. While I have mostly experienced only innocent curiosity, many other parents I know have gotten some very rude questions. Mostly, you learn how ignorant people are. I think I blogged about the father of one of K's friends asking if the girls were born knowing how to speak Chinese. I'm sorry – how can anyone ask this with a straight face??? And behind that question is racism, and it's that type of racism that is much scarier than any of the epithets that I expect are out there.

8. If you could have any job in the world what would it be and why?

I'm not sure I can pick just one! I would love to be a writer. I used to think a writer of novels, but maybe movies or TV would be interesting too. I say that because I find the production process fascinating – I've started listening to some audio commentaries on movies/TV shows (on DVD) and I would love to be part of that. The amount of thought that goes into choosing the color of a character's shirt, the song that will be playing on the car radio in a certain scene – all those details amaze me.

I also really like "CSI" and think being a forensic scientist would be really interesting too!

While I have no artistic talent whatsoever, I like the idea of being an artist (but one who makes enough money to live on!).

9. I "think" I've read all of your blog posts and there is very little dating info...are you dating? What are you looking for in a man these days?

Ummm, no, I'm not dating! See answer to first question! In theory I would love to be in a relationship with a man, but honestly, the time and effort required are not something I have any room for right now. I'm hoping that when B starts school (in 2 more years) I'll have more time to think about it. By the time they are in bed at night, all I want to do is crash on the couch for an hour or two before I go to bed. The thought of "going out", or even talking with anyone on the phone, feels like an imposition – isn't that awful? Also the cost of dating (e.g. babysitter, of which I don't even have) pretty much puts it out of reach for me.

With that said, I do have a friend, who lives about 2.5 hours away in another state. We were a couple for about a year back in the mid-90's. We broke up, but stayed in touch. Then he got married and a few years later I got married. Our contact was down to email by that point. Then his wife died suddenly of a brain aneurysm and a year or so later I got divorced. He visits us occasionally (3-4 times a year) and is actually coming to spend my birthday with me in two weeks. However, I have no lingering romantic feelings for him, though I don't think he'd mind if I did. (And believe me, I've tried hard to feel them, but I just don't.)

10. What makes you blog?

I started blogging because I started reading blogs. And I wanted to be part of the community. And also because I wanted an excuse to write, and something to write about. But I'm finding it hard to break into a community – I'm not sure how to get readership. It eludes me why and how some blogs are considered more popular and highly read than others. I read some that have lots of readers, and some with only a handful, and other than the amount of readership, I don't always see a lot of difference! I did pick up a few readers during NaBloPoMo, which was great. In the meantime, I'll keep it up-if nothing else the kid vignettes will be nice memories one day, as well as providing me a journal of sorts.

"We should ride our bikes more often..."
"We really should!"
"We could ride them to thitwbar up the street for Wing Night...but wait, where would we lock our bikes up there? Do they have a bike rack?"
Eyes leveled at him I replied, "John, I highly doubt it. Maybe we could attach a long chain to one of the cement blocks in the parking lot?"
John thoughtfully scratches his chin, "No, that wouldn't work."
I think for a few seconds and say, "Oh! I've got it, we could chain them up over at the Catholic school!" (conveniently located across the street from the bar).

Then I sat for a few more moments and said laughing, "Or you know...we could just walk up there!" because honestly, we live within two blocks of the place. I continued, "It's good to know that we just spent about 10 minutes trying to figure out the most complicated ways to get to the bar, with complicated transportation and complicated ways to maintain anti-theft."
It was then that my smart ass husband responded with,
"I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was just wondering if they have dirgible moorings up there...".

Maybe you had to be there, but it was so corny it was hilarious.

After watching five episodes of Law & Order in a row (because there was a marathon on TNT), John looked at me and asked, "Why do all girls like Law & Order?" I didn't have an answer but I just figured out how we could possibly establish World Peace. Reruns of Jerry Orbach doing his thing, should do the trick.

Tiff was kind enough to come up with five fabulous questions for me, if you would like to participate let me know and I'll try and think of five questions for you as well.

1) Since we all are guilty if leaving things unsaid… Is there someone in your past you really wish you could go back and speak to, get something off your chest or just clear the air with but can't?
Well, this would've been a different answer a couple of months ago before I talked with my former best friend/who moved into my townhouse/moved out of my townhouse after letting her beagle destroy my brand new home/ then we hadn't spoken to each other for three years. If I hadn't gone into her work to talk to her (even if it was just that once), then I would've wanted to try and make ammends and speak with her.
Other than her, I would say that they only other person where things will forever be muddled would be with my very ex-boyfriend from 2002. This is because he broke up with me because " his heart wasn't into a serious relationship" and then he got married six months later. Well...I think at the time, I would've had a few choice words for him, mostly about being honest. Now, I could care less for a couple reasons-- a) I ended up with the most awesome husband around! b) I never see the ex so I rarely think about him, in fact I hadn't really thought of him at all until this question. Finally, c) The only reason why I used to want to talk to him was my pride, I wanted to "show him how he messed up"...not realizing at the time that he wouldn't see it that way. So if I could go back in time and talk with him, I would, but I don't really have anyone that I've left anything unfinished with in present day.

2) If you could travel anywhere in the world, with an unlimited budget, where would you go? What would you do there? I would do a completely tropical tour. I'd go to Hawaii, to Bali, to Costa Rica, Australia, The Caymans, Bora Bora...anywhere as long as the sands were bleached white, the ocean was crystaline and amazingly blue and the air was warm. I would go exploring volcanoes, lie on the sandy beaches, swim in the ocean, do some sorely missed scuba diving, sip sweet drinks on the beach while digging my toes in the sand, and I would smooch John at every opportunity given to me. It wouldn't have to be too adventurous for me to have fun (but it could be) I would be more than content relaxing, working on my tan and being catered to. I've never had a lazy vacation...I've alway been on the go, go, go.

3) What one thing do you know now that you wish you'd known in High School or College? If given the opportunity would you go back and change decisions you made based on this knowledge?
Hmm, I probably would've slept with my next door neighbor at 16 rather than when I was 22. It was some of the most mediocre sex ever (and he left his converse on ,but took his Prince Albert out) I've ever experienced (in the back of my grey Tempo). If I had just lost my virginity to him a) I wouldn't have gotten a $500 fine for lewd and lacivious behavior, open container and tresspassing for having so-so sex in a public baseball field. b) I wouldn't have been so disappointed by the experience...I had been working up some hype for the kid for several years and he brought very little to the back seat.
4) What would you say your greatest strengths are? What would your husband say? Your best girlfriends? Your mother? I honestly don't know what my greatest strengths are...I think I'm funny, I'm concerned about others...I don't know!!!
My girlfriends said, and I quote, "You are hilarious, honest, easy to talk to and get along with, thoughtful", "sense of humor", "I agree with the sense of humor, and smart!" "Creative and artistic but I agree very much with funny; great storyteller" (those are four quotes from my friends)
My husband said, "You're a good reader" when I asked him what my greatest strength was. Then he back pedaled and said that he was trapped and that "there was husbandly danger lurking all around", then he told me that his love was my greatest strength...I'm still not sure what that means. I'm also not sure when my husband started writing scripts for Lifetime...

My mom would say that I'm extremely kind and would do anything to protect anyone that I love.

5) What did you want to be when you "grew up"? How far have you strayed from that path? Would you still take that career if you could?
When I was very young I wanted to be a ballerina. Then I wanted to be an astronaut and even went to Space Academy when I was in 7th grade. Once I got into high school I wanted to be a writer and then I decided that I didn't want to be anything...I didn't want to work and I didn't want to have to do anything except what I wanted--most of what I wanted included laying on the beach, reading books, playing with dogs--none of these things are really careers when combined.

I amazed myself when I FINALLY focused on a career...after graduating from college. I went back for more schooling and then I landed a job immediately, I've never been unhappy with my decision and I like going to work more than anyone you've ever known. It's almost sickening how much fun I have at work...it should be illegal, but it's not--so at least you know that I'm not a hooker!

And thus concludes my five. If you are interested in participating, here are
the rules: Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me!" I will respond by
e-mailing you five questions. I get to pick them, and you have to answer
them all. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. You
will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the
same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them
five questions.

Right before bed last night I raced upstairs to beat John to the bathroom-- and beat him I did. When John came in to brush his teeth he found me laughing and saying, "Uh oh" to myself. He did what any person would do when they find their significant other cracking up on the toilet in the dark, he asked, "What's wrong with you?" And with that, I presented to him my panties that I had forgotten to take off before sitting down to pee. I don't think I've done that since Kindergarten.

I think this is a true indication that I'm losing my mind, quickly rather than slowly.

In a totally unrelated story I would like to talk about how John's crazy too. See, because I can do that and he can't, because he refuses to blog with me. I've mentioned before how John talks in his sleep and he's really creepy about it because he sits up with his eyes open, grabs me and babbles about something strange and completely off the wall. Well last night he grabs me, shakes me awake and points in horror at the corner and asked me, "Is that a 20 lb rat or is it a 20 lb rabbit?" (as if it would really matter which 20 lb creature it was). Seeing nothing I groggily decided what to reply with other than, "Why are you waking me up!" I decided that telling him it was a rabbit would be more soothing so I said, "Babe, it's a 20 lb rabbit and it's not going to hurt you." He responded by pulling the covers up over his head and saying, "That's what you think, I'm getting the hell out of here!" and then he burrowed deep into the bed so that he was completely covered. His final muffled cry was, "Good luck!"

It's good to know that I'm going to have to be the hero when there's a 20 lb rabbit in the room!

Well, my decision is made...after making two other blogs (the one I may keep), I decided to plant my feet like Keri Strug and stick it out. Obviously, if I have a blog and I write about myself in a space as vast as the Internet, there's a level of expectation. I expect, I hope that people read my thoughts...so be it. I'm sure everyone with a blog has a moment where you wonder and worry--what you wonder and worry about varies on any given day.

So whatever, I'm back and here to stay.

On a totally different subject. Here are some marital questions for you that stem from recent discussions while snuggling on the couch:

1. Is it wrong to make your husband list all the people he's had sex with, including first and last names while you count on your hands and tsk, tsk him? How about when he forgets someone and you put her on the list for him because you've made him make the list before?

2. Is it wrong to be proud of your husband for not being a total slut, like...ahem...some people were at (brief) points in their lives?

3. While he's making said list, is it ok to make gagging noises/dog barks/and/or snickering sounds at the mention of some of the girls' names?

4. Is it wrong to declare that you are like Grover Cleveland in that you served two terms in his sex life, just not consecutively, to prove that you "won" and that the girl in between your "terms" is stupid and gross? (R, if you still read this...I'm not talking about you!)


5. Is it wrong that when your husband grabs you (and pokes you painfully in the ribs like you do to him ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME) for being a smartass and says, "Ok let's hear your list..." to declare that you were a virgin before him...even though you know that he's read your archives.

6. Is it wrong for a husband to ask you to define what a "tear" is. As in, "After so and so broke up with me, I went on a bit of a tear through men." Tear= However many men it takes to get over the last relationship. (As some wise woman once said, "The best way to get over a man, is to get under another one")

7. Is it wrong that your husband is convinced that you've slept with over 100 people! Even though you try to allay his fears that the number is much, much lower. C'mon John...I had to work every now and then, I couldn't lay around in bed all the time!

8. And finally, is it wrong that when your cute husband asks you if you need anything before he leaves for work (because you are on vacation!), that you say sweetly, "A nice hard cock would do me nicely" knowing that he would love to crawl back in bed with you but he has to begin his long commute into the city and he knows what you'll be doing...if you remembered to buy batteries!

We are the awesomest, I will not lie.
The other night at the bar, we got everyone to sing along with us to "Don't Stop Believing" by none other than the band known as Journey. Arms were pumping in the air, punctuating the lines as Steve Perry wailed. I wailed, the fat guy at the end of the bar wailed, even the town drunk picked his head off the bar and let out a, "Whooo oooh oooh oooooooo" at the right time.

An older woman walked up after the song started fading out. Ruining the afterglow of the moment she put her hand on my shoulder, "Don't you just love Steve Perry's tight jeans? I'd love them next to my bed."

*in silence I stared at her, unable to come up with an acceptable response and suffering from an involuntary flashback of me watching VH1 with my dad at the age of 7 and asking him what Mr. Perry had stuffed in his pants, that was making his "pants look funny"*

She continued. "Have you ever seen them in concert?" and not waiting for an answer began to regale me with the times that she's seen Journey and which one was the best show, which had the tightest jeans etc.

So besides that, it sure was fun to sing a cheesy 80's song with an entire bar. I'm going to continue to try to find songs that touch several generations to spark yet another sing along.

Would you rather...

Have mayonaise for hair...or ring bologna for ankles?

Seriously.


The back story for this question is this. I was sitting in college, most likely nursing a hangover or I was still drunk. I remember I was sipping on Orange Mango from Nantucket Nectar which was my cure-all back in those days...well that and all those other illegal things. So anyways, there I was sitting in Women's Issues in Literature...yawn. It could've been an interesting class but it was handled poorly and the people taking the class were your stereotypical militants minus myself and these two seriously divine looking boys--who were best friends.

The second day of class I think they were feeling me out (so to speak) to see if I was there to preach my feelings about how women were treated in 1659 and how literature reflected the misogyny or if I was there to pick up my credits...which I was. Honestly, I took and picked classes in college that I absolutely loved and could get something out of...but this one was a fluke, it wasn't my thing. So cute boy number one leaned over and said, "I have a question for you." and he proceeded to ask me the very question I asked you. We became good friends after this exchange and for the rest of the semester we played a very informal game of "Would you rather..." because the professor ended up falling ill and some stuttering man filled her place and the millitants ripped him to shreds with the vigor of barracudas (oooh barracuda!) daily.

I felt bad for him one day (and I had made a bet with the best friends who were the only fully hetero males ever to be in one of my core lit courses) so I raised my hand. The poor man looked relieved and called on me. I stood up, smoothing my wrinkled party clothes from the night before, and politely inquired," Sir? Do you think you'd prefer ring bologna ankles or mayonaise for hair?" and he smiled and said, "I hate mayo...I'll go with the bologna." To which I replied, "Oh dear, I hope you don't run into any dogs." and with a wink I sauntered myself out of the room, excusing myself from the predictable literary arguments of the day.

Let's play would you rather... since no one else seems to read the blog anymore...NJ, you're up.