John sent me at text this morning at 2:53am that was meant for another woman...his ex girlfriend, the "one that got away". The one who lives in Florida and has been reaching out, and apparently--has been sending him pictures.

I sent him a text message back, "You sent this to the wrong girl." (and I'm ashamed to say, that I had a moment there, that I wasn't going to say anything about it...I was just going to ignore it and pretend it away)

And so he called directly thereafter and the conversation began. Yes it was a conversation and not a screaming match (well he would have nothing to scream about and I was too hurt to yell. I wanted to curl into the fetal position and shield my heart from the blows) and it's not done, just for tonight--or this morning acutally. So here I sit thinking about the conversation because I can't sleep.

I agreed to still see him tonight, we have a lot to talk about. He's asking me not to end things here and now, he's asking me to let him try to regain trust...

We both cried a lot. I told him how completely in love with him I am, and that I can't compete with a woman who is only now reaching out to him because he's happy again for the first time in months. I told him what an idiot he is, and that I would give him the world if he would just ask...that I would probably give it to him even if he didn't ask. I told him that if I decided to end this, that he would kick himself five months down the road when R________ throws him back to the wolves again. I told him that I refuse to compete--it's all or nothing, and this is the only offer.

I know I should quit him.

I should.

Why am I in love with him?