When John gets to thinking he becomes brooding, quite similar to Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights (and we know he wasn't the nicest guy out there). John's a thinker, my own little Byronic hero,which if you didn't know, it isn't really the type of hero you'd want (although, he's the only one I actually do want...yes I know I'm confusing, I think it's part of my charm). So when I see the look in his eye and the whole change in his demeanor I know it's time for him to get some space.

He doesn't ask for it. But he certainly needs it. At this point, I don't think I'm really part of the brooding factor (well indirectly I am, I guess). He is going through some kind of quarter life crisis where he's burning bridges with friends that he's had since he was in high school, not so much on purpose as the fact that he's had enough, he's changing and they aren't changing with him. Inevitable, I think, but I already covered this part of my life. At the same unfortunate time, he feels like he's moving away from his roommates in a sense. Now part of the roommate thing can be attributed to me since he's been spending his weekends up with me at my house. But I also think that a part of the roommate thing is due to the fact that he works in the professional sector and the other two are kind of free spirits, seize the day kind of job finders. They always have those odd but interesting jobs that you think about but never do. It's certainly an awesome way to live life, but I can see how it could become trying when you're trying to collect money for rent from them!

And so now I'm leaving Johnny space to realize these things. He's getting there, he started talking about it with me both indirectly and somewhat directly. And part of the strain is us. What are we?? I don't call him my boyfriend...but we're completely exclusive. I don't say 'I love you' to him right now (because I fear not hearing it back), but I love him more every day. It's hard to add another person into your life and have them fit perfectly...and that's how I feel...I feel like he's twisting the Rubic's Cube to see where we all go (friends, family, work, and me)--where is my alotted space? Will it be weekends? Will it be Mondays and Wednesdays? Will I not get a day? Will I be made redundant? I miss the days when the rest of the world fell away and I saw him every other night. I miss him when he's not lying next to me, holding me in his arms and yes, snoring like a bear in my ear.


The most positive thing in our lives right now is the fact that he said, "We don't get to spend a lot of time alone together." and the fact that he agreed with me that we need time away from the bars, away from other people and just have some time where the rest of the world disappears.

We might go to the beach on Saturday. Yup, it's cold...the water will be colder (for my little surfer), and we probably will only be on the beach for a little while but I think the sea air, the water and sand will do these two pisces some good. Right now, we're like fish outta water (had to say it).