Can't post about my party yet...I'm so tired and brain dead from the fun. I will tell you a few things until tomorrow:

1. I have an awesome husband who throws fantastic parties.
2. I think I fell in love with rum punch.
3. You should never invite your mother to parties, she will invariably say, "Maybe you should slow down and play hostess?"...silly mom, it was my birthday, everyone knew their way around the house.
4. There are blackmail pictures everywhere.
5. I have awesome friends...
6. Particularly one friend who told me, "Well, now you're thirty, it's time to get knocked up!"
7. I should've taken off today, I'm SO TIRED...still.


More tomorrow, I hope...

Today's the day! At 5:39 this evening, I will turn 30. Now, much to prepare for before then...so many pirate banners to hang, booze to buy and drink.

I will be back!

PS. Sign of maturity?? I didn't go to the bars last night because I didn't want to be hung over for my party, knowing that I would've received 100's of unsolicited bdays shots...instead I went out to dinner with Johnny and somehow got drunk on two beers--whaaa?!?

PPS. Sign I'm not too mature? I just finished my first birthday beer...it's 9:19 am...according to John, this beer is to take the sting off the fact that I have to decorate for my "surprise" party.

I have a problem (ok, I have many problems, but who's counting?). My birthday is no less than three days away. Yes, the big 3-0 in three days. However, that's not the problem. The problem lies in the fact that when people ask me what I want for my birthday, I just don't know what to ask for! And honestly? I don't think it's fair. I don't ask people what they want...I snoop around, watch them closely, I stalk them like a serial killer to find out exactly what they need to make them happy.

My mom is at her wits end because she's been asking me since January what I want for my birthday and even though she knows me better than anyone else in the world, she is a horrible gift giver, so I appreciate her repetitive questioning. On numerous occasions she has said, "My baby's turning 30, we need to get you something special!" I asked for a gym membership because my ass is spreading like the ocean floor but I got a lukewarm response to that, according to my mom I won't be able to look at that and say, "My mom gave this to me on my 30th birthday". I figured I could turn around and see less of my ass and think, "Thanks Mom, you saved me from larger jeans!" Oooook...I'm getting a pirate party so now I'm at a loss as to what else I could want, but I feel like I should capitalize on this...never say I'm not greedy!!

I turn it upon you, dear friends and strangers on the Internets, what should I ask for? I'm going to scour the internet and make a post that goes like this: I want this (picture) and this (picture) and I really, really want this! (picture)...if I have time.

Whoo! My birthday is Saturday! and you know something? I'm not going to let the fact that I'm turning 30 ruin the fact that I love my birthday. And you know something else? It appears that I am having an awesome pirate surprise party!

Ask me how I know this...

1) I found out a little from my mom who a little slip, but no where or when.

2) I found out a little more from John due to my prying, but he only added to what my mom said and nothing more...

3) I went out to lunch with John's family for John and his sister's "birthday lunch" and all was revealed! His sister didn't know it was a secret!!!

I felt bad for her because she was mortified, and quite honestly, I've always been afraid that I'd be the one to do that to someone! All is well now though, at least I can be coaxed into wearing pants into the basement on Saturday!

The best part? There is a parrot pinata and (I think) eye patches for the guests. I can't wait!

In a search for "things to do before you're 30" I found this list listed below. I decided to post it and then annotate it. After I do that, I think I'll have to make a list of my own because this one just didn't do it for me. Feel free to give me a little guidance as to what to do in the next 38 days before I turn 30. Maybe, if I come up with 15-30 "do-able" things, I'll do one thing each day and post about it.

1. Have a really stupid accident which necessitates a hospital visit why on earth would I want to do that?? Ok, ok...I've done it already but it's a stupid thing to put on your list.
2. Shoot something I shot a target, that counts right? I accidentally shot a bird and killed it with a BB gun and cried.
3. Take a weekend break more than 1000 miles from home I have this one covered. Between being an only child who was taken on some cool vacations, a Spring Break sorority co-ed, an excited teenage scuba diver, and a woman who ran away to Vegas to get married, I have this one covered.
4. Boot Linux on your home PC This is nerd speak right? I have no idea why I'd do this.
5. Get lost in a country where you don't speak the language Sadly, I did this in Mexico, drunk as a skunk. I tried speaking french, it didn't help.
6. Spend more than your monthly income on a pocket sized gadget If beer were a gadget then I could've done this...otherwise, no, I've never done it.
7. Post bail for a friend Haven't done it yet, hope I never have to actually (although I would).
8. Break a really large plate glass window This is actually so much fun! It was accidental but wonderful.
9. Make a parachute jump on a hangover doesn't sound so much fun.
10. Use a whole roll of gaffa tape in one day I didn't even know what gaffa tape was until I looked it up.
11. Make a pointless modification to your house Hmm, don't really have a lot of money to make necessary modifications...I'm going to have to nix this idea.
12. Neck a pint of peppermint oil um, why?
13. Pull a shemale by mistake (but realise in time...) Like Bartleby the Scrivener, I'm going to have to say, "I'd prefer not to."
14. Buy a samurai sword I'm not good with knives, not going to do this either.
15. Delay paying a bill until the summons arrives Can anyone say dumb?? DUMB.
16. Destroy a speed camera No more breaking the law for me, thanks.
17. Refill an inkjet cartridge Two words--FUCK NO
18. Say something obscene on national television Would love to, but I'd probably lose my job and I don't need to make Americans look unintelligent on the media.
19. Do a J turn in order to beat somebody to a parking space I live near this mall, I will do anything to get the proper parking spaces.
20. Break a sledgehammer That would be fun I guess...if I had nothing else to do with my time.
21. Make a bomb My friend Josh and I used to try to make bombs all the time when we were about 5 and 6. We were evil geniuses. I'm going to leave those days behind me.
22. Smash a CRT Ok, I had to AGAIN look things up and a CRT is this...I don't care to smash one, nor would I know where to get my hands on one.
23. Require medical treatment as a consequence of kinky sex (STD's don't count) I don't think it was all that kinky, but I can honestly say that I think I should've sought medical attention after John and I had one of our last hurrahs at his old house (read: his nasty whore ridden mattress)
24. Tip a waiter with something other than money I left my number once
25. Light a fire with petrol I'm impatient, I've done this many times.
26. Kidnap someone Ever see the movie Jawbreaker
27. Park inside a motorway service station oook...nah.
28. Own a convertible. I would <3>
29. Live abroad. Again, I think I'd love to do this too for a little, perhaps before 40?
30. Drive at more than 140mph. My little Neon can't go that fast.
31. Get something for free through a masterpiece of complaining I got a suite on our honeymoon for the price of a regular room. I was proud of my whining. And I've gotten free food and drinks. Otherwise, I don't complain unless there's an actual reason to complain...it's not fair to the service people.
32. Give yourself a mains electric shock. Again, FUCK NO!
33. Completely dismantle an object larger than yourself been there, done that, too many times.
34. Write off a car sadly, I've done this.
35. Fall asleep and get really hilarious sunburn I'm a tanner, not a burner baby.
36. Get drunk on Absinthe more fun that a barrel of monkeys (also drunk on Absinthe)
37. Stay up all night listening to a girl have an emotional crisis Obviously, this list was written by a man. As a woman I have emotional crises and I hear other people's crises on a regular basis.
38. Lick the terminals of a 9 volt battery I enjoy doing this...a lot...too much in fact!
39. Take part in motorsport. nah...not interested
40. Stay at the office for more than 24 hours I did this when I worked at Victoria's Secret...I worked twelve hours and then had a floor set from hell.
41. Set off a fire extinguisher FUN
42. Drive at least 600 miles in a day on two lane roads Done it!
43. Hotwire a car Done it! With the help from my dad...however, I don't remember how I did it, I was 7...he thought it was "adorable for me to learn".
44. Watch all the Monty Python films in one sitting I don't have the patience.
45. Shag an ex boyfriend by mistake How would this be a mistake? I'm not even going to linger on this one because I'm happily married and I'm not going to bang an ex before (or after) I'm 30.
46. Dial 999 Nope! I could get fines! By the way, did you read about the lady who called 911 to get a "cute" officer to come back to her house so that she could give him her number? And he cited her?? Romance. It's dead. As was anyone that was on hold that was calling 911 that day.
47. Commit a faux pas which means that a friend will never speak to you again Too late.
48. Make a bet you couldn't afford to lose Doesn't sound fun at'll
49. Read a 500 page book in one sitting Been there, done that. It's called "being an English major in college"
50. Escape a perfectly justified parking ticket. I would love to, but my feminine wiles do not work on the ticketing kind.

Well that was "enlightening"...what do you think I should do before I'm thirty? I need between 15 and 30 things...and they need to be do-able in a day or less.

My sister in law is pregnant! I'm happy for her. She got herself out of a decently long relationship and found romance very quickly, right around the bend. She has a boyfriend/fiance whom she seems to adore, and he seems to love her every bit as much. I'm a great champion of love. I used to be a great champion of lust, but I've learned that love is a bit more awesomer. Anyways, that's not the purpose of the post.

The embarassing truth is...

I wanted to have the first grandbaby...

Whew, I said it. So yeah, John and I aren't planning on having a baby anytime soon but I felt secure in the fact that we were married and that I was the old one and John was the oldest sibling that we'd have the first one.

When I heard the news I thought to myself crazily, "Perhaps we could just get pregnant right now and perhaps I'd have a preemie and we'd have babies at the same time!" (yes, a truly brilliant idea and work of deduction on my part that even Holmes would be proud of...or would possibly abhor). But alas my own private breed of craziness (which I'm sure is only being spurred on by turning dirty 30 (gag) ) was thwarted again by the revelation (courtesy of a phone call with my mother in law) that she's four and half months pregnant...so yeah, even I, the craziest of the crazed couldn't catch up with that, therefore I conceed that she wins the pregnancy race. I know! How absolutely gracious of me! (that's sarcasm...I realize that I'm a little shrew)

Oh well...maybe I can have the second baby in the family.
Or the third. Whatever...it really doesn't matter what order they come in does it?
Plus my mom pointed out that my baby will be the "chosen one" in our family because I'm an only child and my baby will be the only grandkid.

PS. Don't you feel bad for John for having to put up with me?? I know I do! Sorry for being a nutjob pookie!