I have a problem (ok, I have many problems, but who's counting?). My birthday is no less than three days away. Yes, the big 3-0 in three days. However, that's not the problem. The problem lies in the fact that when people ask me what I want for my birthday, I just don't know what to ask for! And honestly? I don't think it's fair. I don't ask people what they want...I snoop around, watch them closely, I stalk them like a serial killer to find out exactly what they need to make them happy.

My mom is at her wits end because she's been asking me since January what I want for my birthday and even though she knows me better than anyone else in the world, she is a horrible gift giver, so I appreciate her repetitive questioning. On numerous occasions she has said, "My baby's turning 30, we need to get you something special!" I asked for a gym membership because my ass is spreading like the ocean floor but I got a lukewarm response to that, according to my mom I won't be able to look at that and say, "My mom gave this to me on my 30th birthday". I figured I could turn around and see less of my ass and think, "Thanks Mom, you saved me from larger jeans!" Oooook...I'm getting a pirate party so now I'm at a loss as to what else I could want, but I feel like I should capitalize on this...never say I'm not greedy!!

I turn it upon you, dear friends and strangers on the Internets, what should I ask for? I'm going to scour the internet and make a post that goes like this: I want this (picture) and this (picture) and I really, really want this! (picture)...if I have time.