This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Friday, February 02, 2007
50 things you need to do before 30...I think not.
In a search for "things to do before you're 30" I found this list listed below. I decided to post it and then annotate it. After I do that, I think I'll have to make a list of my own because this one just didn't do it for me. Feel free to give me a little guidance as to what to do in the next 38 days before I turn 30. Maybe, if I come up with 15-30 "do-able" things, I'll do one thing each day and post about it.

1. Have a really stupid accident which necessitates a hospital visit why on earth would I want to do that?? Ok, ok...I've done it already but it's a stupid thing to put on your list.
2. Shoot something I shot a target, that counts right? I accidentally shot a bird and killed it with a BB gun and cried.
3. Take a weekend break more than 1000 miles from home I have this one covered. Between being an only child who was taken on some cool vacations, a Spring Break sorority co-ed, an excited teenage scuba diver, and a woman who ran away to Vegas to get married, I have this one covered.
4. Boot Linux on your home PC This is nerd speak right? I have no idea why I'd do this.
5. Get lost in a country where you don't speak the language Sadly, I did this in Mexico, drunk as a skunk. I tried speaking french, it didn't help.
6. Spend more than your monthly income on a pocket sized gadget If beer were a gadget then I could've done this...otherwise, no, I've never done it.
7. Post bail for a friend Haven't done it yet, hope I never have to actually (although I would).
8. Break a really large plate glass window This is actually so much fun! It was accidental but wonderful.
9. Make a parachute jump on a hangover doesn't sound so much fun.
10. Use a whole roll of gaffa tape in one day I didn't even know what gaffa tape was until I looked it up.
11. Make a pointless modification to your house Hmm, don't really have a lot of money to make necessary modifications...I'm going to have to nix this idea.
12. Neck a pint of peppermint oil um, why?
13. Pull a shemale by mistake (but realise in time...) Like Bartleby the Scrivener, I'm going to have to say, "I'd prefer not to."
14. Buy a samurai sword I'm not good with knives, not going to do this either.
15. Delay paying a bill until the summons arrives Can anyone say dumb?? DUMB.
16. Destroy a speed camera No more breaking the law for me, thanks.
17. Refill an inkjet cartridge Two words--FUCK NO
18. Say something obscene on national television Would love to, but I'd probably lose my job and I don't need to make Americans look unintelligent on the media.
19. Do a J turn in order to beat somebody to a parking space I live near this mall, I will do anything to get the proper parking spaces.
20. Break a sledgehammer That would be fun I guess...if I had nothing else to do with my time.
21. Make a bomb My friend Josh and I used to try to make bombs all the time when we were about 5 and 6. We were evil geniuses. I'm going to leave those days behind me.
22. Smash a CRT Ok, I had to AGAIN look things up and a CRT is this...I don't care to smash one, nor would I know where to get my hands on one.
23. Require medical treatment as a consequence of kinky sex (STD's don't count) I don't think it was all that kinky, but I can honestly say that I think I should've sought medical attention after John and I had one of our last hurrahs at his old house (read: his nasty whore ridden mattress)
24. Tip a waiter with something other than money I left my number once
25. Light a fire with petrol I'm impatient, I've done this many times.
26. Kidnap someone Ever see the movie Jawbreaker
27. Park inside a motorway service station oook...nah.
28. Own a convertible. I would <3>
29. Live abroad. Again, I think I'd love to do this too for a little, perhaps before 40?
30. Drive at more than 140mph. My little Neon can't go that fast.
31. Get something for free through a masterpiece of complaining I got a suite on our honeymoon for the price of a regular room. I was proud of my whining. And I've gotten free food and drinks. Otherwise, I don't complain unless there's an actual reason to's not fair to the service people.
32. Give yourself a mains electric shock. Again, FUCK NO!
33. Completely dismantle an object larger than yourself been there, done that, too many times.
34. Write off a car sadly, I've done this.
35. Fall asleep and get really hilarious sunburn I'm a tanner, not a burner baby.
36. Get drunk on Absinthe more fun that a barrel of monkeys (also drunk on Absinthe)
37. Stay up all night listening to a girl have an emotional crisis Obviously, this list was written by a man. As a woman I have emotional crises and I hear other people's crises on a regular basis.
38. Lick the terminals of a 9 volt battery I enjoy doing this...a lot...too much in fact!
39. Take part in motorsport. nah...not interested
40. Stay at the office for more than 24 hours I did this when I worked at Victoria's Secret...I worked twelve hours and then had a floor set from hell.
41. Set off a fire extinguisher FUN
42. Drive at least 600 miles in a day on two lane roads Done it!
43. Hotwire a car Done it! With the help from my dad...however, I don't remember how I did it, I was 7...he thought it was "adorable for me to learn".
44. Watch all the Monty Python films in one sitting I don't have the patience.
45. Shag an ex boyfriend by mistake How would this be a mistake? I'm not even going to linger on this one because I'm happily married and I'm not going to bang an ex before (or after) I'm 30.
46. Dial 999 Nope! I could get fines! By the way, did you read about the lady who called 911 to get a "cute" officer to come back to her house so that she could give him her number? And he cited her?? Romance. It's dead. As was anyone that was on hold that was calling 911 that day.
47. Commit a faux pas which means that a friend will never speak to you again Too late.
48. Make a bet you couldn't afford to lose Doesn't sound fun at'll
49. Read a 500 page book in one sitting Been there, done that. It's called "being an English major in college"
50. Escape a perfectly justified parking ticket. I would love to, but my feminine wiles do not work on the ticketing kind.

Well that was "enlightening"...what do you think I should do before I'm thirty? I need between 15 and 30 things...and they need to be do-able in a day or less.

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posted by Melina at 8:00 AM