This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Thursday, May 17, 2007
Dirty Talk 101
Compared to John's exs, I'm a very vanilla type o' girl. I mean, he had the bi-sexual who teased John with the idea of threesomes. She travels the world, meets interesting people and experiences all kindsof crazythings. He also had the Buddhist girl who liked being tied up and caned. He even had a random encounter where he joined the mile high club with a good looking cougar when he was 24. I never really thought of myself of as vanilla until it was pointed out to me that I rarely, if ever talk dirty to him (granted John didn't call me vanilla...but that's to expected if he expects to continue having sex with me).

Now there are two reasons why I haven't used my dirty mouth (which I have in the past). One, I get a little embarassed how stupid it sounds, although most of the time (in sweeter terms) I'm thinking exactly what he wants me to say but I don't. And then two, my mind kind of blanks sometimes when we're in the middle of things. I go off to La La land and leave John to whatever it is he doing, occasionally reminding him that if he stops I'll kill's just the kind of girl I am.

John came up with a way to get over the embarassment...because it is true, there's no reason to be embarassed. I mean my face is in the mattress, my ass is in the air and I've been known to scare small children with my yelling because we always leave the windows why be embarassed? John's way of "schooling me in the art of talking like a dirty porn slut" was to tell me what he wanted to hear and have me repeat it. As we went about this mimicking routine/sex act/impregnation attempt #1, I got a little more into it...still...a little unsure of myself but ready to try and impress him with my dirty mouth next time. I mean I always impress him with my dirty mouth one way or another right?

Next lesson? Role Playing...

Now you may wonder how a woman like myself hasn't done this yet? I reply with's a pretty random thing to ask of a one night stand---"Hi, I'm not completely sure of your first name but could you cane me?" "Oh? You're not into caning? Well perhaps you have a costume in your back pocket to role play with me?" "Oh, you don't..." Hmmm. Guess now you can see why has the "fortune/misfortune" to introduce me to all this stuff...because of my dirty, sordid past. Who knew that married life would turn me into a more adventurous girl?

PS. Making babies is fun, y'all! Ha ha...I just wanted to channel a little Brit Brit for a second there.

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posted by Melina at 1:18 PM