Compared to John's exs, I'm a very vanilla type o' girl. I mean, he had the bi-sexual who teased John with the idea of threesomes. She travels the world, meets interesting people and experiences all kindsof crazythings. He also had the Buddhist girl who liked being tied up and caned. He even had a random encounter where he joined the mile high club with a good looking cougar when he was 24. I never really thought of myself of as vanilla until it was pointed out to me that I rarely, if ever talk dirty to him (granted John didn't call me vanilla...but that's to expected if he expects to continue having sex with me).

Now there are two reasons why I haven't used my dirty mouth (which I have in the past). One, I get a little embarassed how stupid it sounds, although most of the time (in sweeter terms) I'm thinking exactly what he wants me to say but I don't. And then two, my mind kind of blanks sometimes when we're in the middle of things. I go off to La La land and leave John to whatever it is he doing, occasionally reminding him that if he stops I'll kill him...it's just the kind of girl I am.

John came up with a way to get over the embarassment...because it is true, there's no reason to be embarassed. I mean my face is in the mattress, my ass is in the air and I've been known to scare small children with my yelling because we always leave the windows open...so why be embarassed? John's way of "schooling me in the art of talking like a dirty porn slut" was to tell me what he wanted to hear and have me repeat it. As we went about this mimicking routine/sex act/impregnation attempt #1, I got a little more into it...still...a little unsure of myself but ready to try and impress him with my dirty mouth next time. I mean I always impress him with my dirty mouth one way or another right?

Next lesson? Role Playing...

Now you may wonder how a woman like myself hasn't done this yet? I reply with this...it's a pretty random thing to ask of a one night stand---"Hi, I'm not completely sure of your first name but could you cane me?" "Oh? You're not into caning? Well perhaps you have a costume in your back pocket to role play with me?" "Oh, you don't..." Hmmm. Guess now you can see why has the "fortune/misfortune" to introduce me to all this stuff...because of my dirty, sordid past. Who knew that married life would turn me into a more adventurous girl?

PS. Making babies is fun, y'all! Ha ha...I just wanted to channel a little Brit Brit for a second there.

Yesterday I went on date with F. He came here,we played with the dog for a little and then we decided to go out for dinner. We managed to have comfortable conversation with each other for hours and he seems really open-minded, intelligent and yes...attractive. But is he attractive enough? That's really not meant to be as snotty as it sounds, the problem is--is he cute enough to distract me from my latest "waste of space-man o' the hour". I mean F's cute. He's about 5'10" and he's skinny in a skater kind of way and he looks like an adorable little kid. But as we are having fantastic conversations about saving the world and all that good stuff, I'm noticing that my shoulders are considerably broader than his. Then I was picturing him naked in bed with me and I kept thinking, "baby bird". I bet it's not as bad as all that. I wonder if he was checking out my shoulders and wondering if I had to make it to Monday night football before the game?
The true problem with this date was...the whole time I was thinking about D. Ok why think about D? Our "relationship" is based upon the following: sex on Thursday, phone tag calls all day/night on Friday...and then when F left yesterday, D came to get what he left behind. My God! In an instant I wanted him. He's unconventionally hot, and his low voice vibrates in my ears and gets the rest of my body tingling, (amongst other indiscreet things). I swear while he was talking, I didn't hear a word he was saying...I just kept licking my lips and wonder when he was going to stop messing around with words and just rip my clothes off. Alas, my body was not as enticing as the Eagles game and he left me hot, bothered and annoyed that I physically desire a man I hardly know, would probably dislike if I did know him, and a man who I only met on Thursday. I only got a few kisses-but even those left me dizzy.

Well Thursday night I went out with my friend Cr., she finally took a night off from her boyfriend which was nice; we decided to check out our old favorite watering hole...trouble ensued. We managed to get good and drunk(which I don't recall planning to do), we talked to everyone that we had formerly had a relationship..ahem...slept with more than once, talk to a few nice new available men, and Cr. talked to the guy that she slept with before she got back together with her boyfriend. This is not a crime right? Wrong. This guy C. is a good friend of Cr.'s boyfriend...and from the way they were looking at each other and talking with one another, it doesn't appear that it is truly over. At least for that night it was just verbal foreplay...but knowing Cr as I do, I doubt that will be it.
So Cr.'s run in was not the trouble I was speaking of. It was my own run in that was my downfall. On the way out the door, I stopped by this very attractive gent and asked him, "Why has the hottest guy in the bar, hanging out by the door?"...someday I'll be killed by a serial killer because Cr and I invited him to follow us back to my place. I entertained him for a little while with slurred conversation (I certainly wasn't in any shape for any of this...) and the Cr decided to leave. This is where it all gets a little hazy, and a little sweaty too. I remember making out with D. on the couch in the basement and then the next thing you know my cute little cotton polka dotted bra is on the floor and I'm having sex in my bedroom. Not exactly sure how I made it from the basement couch/floor to the third floor...but I did, and obviously not alone. I certainly hadn't planned that, especially since the cotton bra is not usually part of my seduction, nor is the fact that I hadn't shaved my legs! Remember I was planning on having a girl's night out! I'll spare you the details unless of course...you post me a question about it...I love a voyeur.
Well...lo and behold I wake up and Prince Charming D has left...I can't recall if I saw him out the night before or not. But PC D left his ID beside my bed. So he calls. I call him back and leave him a nice little message stating that, "Hasn't your mother ever told you that you shouldn't leave things at a one night stand's home?" He calls me back and tells me he'll call later to pick it up and la-di-da...he calls and leaves me a message that he's going back to the fateful bar that brought us together. Even more fun, he calls at 1:45 while I was sleeping...whatever could he have wanted??? I wonder if he'll call me again? Should I be the one to call him? He didn't leave a message with the 1:45 call...Can he just get a new id? Am I evil? Oh and did I mention that I'm having my first date with F. tomorrow...