Chelle is in love and it's nice to see. It's her first love--the first time of feeling the pins and needles, the infectious goofy grins when you catch a glimpse of the person, the first flip flops of her stomach when she's alone thinking, "Is this great thing all going to go horribly wrong?" In my mind it's nearly a universal experience. Last night she was discussing the rollercoaster of emotions that she's feeling...the whole insecurity, the out of control feeling and then the realization that if it's ever going to work, you have to kind of give in and let the ride take you where it will. I don't know if you're aware of this, but girls read into things...all the fucking time--and most of the time, this reading into things--ruins things. I sent her a joke the other day about this and she said to me last night, "You know what? It's so freakin' true! The other night Rob was in a bad mood and was all silent and sulky and I felt horrible. I kept second guessing myself wondering what the hell I did to piss him off." I laughed at/with her but I agreed wholeheartedly. It is all very scary, even when it seems to fall perfectly in place, like it has for her. In fact, they've recently had the "marriage talk"...even though they've only been dating since February they both are certain that they've found "the one" and are talking about getting engaged, moving into his house and renting hers out. Wow...that threw me for a loop, but I'm impressed that they've gotten this far already. It's insane. But it's also so cool.

While she was talking I was pining to be with John like a little kid. I hate living so far away from him most of the time. Sometimes it's ok, we all need our space, but I swear, if I get a little fix of him...I always want more...and I don't just mean just the sex (although I will take it, if it's being offered!), I mean the proximity, the laughs, the ability to reach down and rub his thigh, or rest my head on his shoulder and drape my arm across his chest...but I guess that's my own roller coaster ride to deal with...especially since through this experience I learned how jealous a person I am. I never knew before, or maybe I just didn't care enough to be. It's tough to rein in but I try very hard. And speaking of jealousy...

I thought this was funny. T was getting jealous! Jealous of me going to the city, and jealous that I've been spending so much time alone with Johnny...she cracked me up. She wasn't mean about it, she was hilarious...anytime I mentioned something funny from the night before she'd roll her eyes to the ceiling and say things like, "Why don't you go back down to the city right now if you had so much fun with the boys?" (which I would've in a heartbeat had I not been drunk) and "Oh let me guess...you have a story about John don't you? Ha ha..." So basically I was shut down, but it was ok...it was pretty funny.