Does anyone else have the problem with balancing your life when a man enters your life? I've never really had this problem, but we're not just talking about just any ol' man, but one that you want to spend all the time with, just laying around in bed, laughing at his jokes, listening to his opinions on things and watching how he hold his hands just so when he's trying to explain something to you. The man who you just want to constantly touch his face and kiss his lips and stare in his eyes. The man who makes me grin like an idiot for no good reason...and well...I digress. The point is, this is not just a "throw away" boy we're talking about.

See, I feel guilty in some respects because I don't see my friends as much as I'm used to and that I'm doing all these fun things without them. I feel like I'm constantly running away to the city but it's not the "good times" I'm after. It's John. I don't want anyone resenting me, but I just haven't figured out how to balance everything out yet. If John lived down the street from me, things would be different. I know at this point, no one's angry with me (at least I don't think) but, as things go on it may get "worse" before it gets better because it's getting to the point where I hate sleeping without him at night, I hate not waking up next to him and I look forward to the weekends where we get to do just that at least three nights in a row and I'm perfectly content--with or without sex, as long as he's holding me close and I can feel his heartbeat on my back, I'm happy. I fall asleep and I don't even bother to dream, because what's the point of dreaming when you're this content? (yes, yes...I'm well aware that I'm cheesier than any Kraft product out there...it can't be helped right now)

You see...John and I didn't really start things off right--heck, our almost "first date" (which may or may not have been a date...still not sure) I had to get T to drive me there (which I'm super grateful for, not many people would agree to that awkward arrangement just because your best friend can't drive. She was also great for when I started to get nervous and lose my filter...she filled in my gaps when I became a stuttering mess and almost blew it). We started off by hanging out with all of our friends all the time. We'd go out in large groups to the bars, and true we always had a good time and also very true we basically just ended up kissing somewhere in the corner (or running out to the backseat of his car), but the point is...we were never alone.

About three weeks ago we started going out alone and almost revelled in the fact that we have a considerably great time together and things definitely took a turn for the better. Or as John said to me last night, "So it's this easy? We can just hang out together and have fun?" I'm not quite sure what complications he was expecting, but yes John, "It's that easy." I guess. Until one of us makes it hard...and I don't see myself doing that...and I know where you keep the knives John, so I don't suggest you do it either. kidding gorgeous...kidding...maybe.

So now I'm stuck. How do I balance? I'm so torn. I need to hang out with my friends here, I need to do my work that I need to bring home with me and work on nightly, I need to spend time with my dog, and I need to be with John...now I need to figure out how I'm going to weave all of these aspects together so that everyone is happy.

On another note. I'm incredibly excited for tomorrow night. It's Roommate 1's actual birthday. The ten day celebration will culminate in a "black tie" dinner out on the town (I'm telling you, this birthday is better than Mardi Gras). John modeled his suit for me last night and kids, let me tell ya, I'm going to be hard pressed to be the cute one tomorrow night--he looked awfully sexy.