This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Monday, May 30, 2005
Another Weekend Without Ass
Well as it turned out I didn't achieve my "goal" of getting a man naked and in my bed. Although, my weekend really wasn't conducive for this. All of my friends were either at the beach or with family so I spent the majority of the weekend alone. As it turned out, this was great because I caught up on my sleep, my pleasure reading, and of course, the boatload of work that I have to do. Perhaps not all that exciting but personally rewarding I guess. Plus next weekend I'm going to the beach with my girlfriends from work. Woot!

I came close to getting ass though (although I guess close only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades even in this instance right?), I would've taken full advantage of Todd if it hadn't been for the meddling S! That was more than a little agravating for both of us. Todd sent me a bunch of text messages yesterday from his cousin's graduation party. Most of them were just apologizing for not being able to seal the deal. One was about how we should just tell S, and then another one said, "Maybe we shouldn't, he'll probably hack us into little bits!" (so guys, if I get hacked into little bits just tell the police that S did it...S does not stand for Steve, Stan or Sean...Chelle, I'm leaving you in charge of revealing his real name to the police).
And then of course, as the beer began to the flow at the party, I received lots of dirty messages to the point where I knew that he wouldn't be coming home to do the things his phone was telling me about because he was drunk as a skunk.

This was confirmed later by a late night message from him that went a little something like this..." Mmmmmmmmelina. M. What are you doing? (notice he's talking to me while he's leaving a message) I wish you could come pick me up at [cousin's name] I want to _____ and ____ and ______ to your body. You're sooooo pretty. I don't know why I alllllllllwaysssss fuck (mumbling in the background) "Sorry Mom" (great he's leaving me this message with his mom in the background? Mom of Todd, take the phone away from him!!!) screw things up with you...We'd have pretty children with long dark hair and hopefully your pretty blue green eyes. I wouldn't want them to have my brown eyes, although you always say they are nice (at this point he's rambling semi-incoherently, and I basically pieced that bit together after listening to the message three times). They'd only have long dark hair if they were girls, otherwise it would be short if they were boys. We'd do their hair like mine, short and spikey (we're having kids now? I wonder how your ex/girlfriend would feel about that? I don't think she'll be that happy and I doubt you'd be able to BS your way through that one). Mmmmmmmm, (not as in mmm but in the first initial of my name) I think I'm going bald..., I'm not supposed to go bald because my grandfather on my mom's side has way more hair than I do...but my dad and my dad's dad are patchy haired bastards...I'm going to be a patchy haired bastard. Can you deal with that?[muttering in the background, and then I hear this] 'I'm talking to M. What do you mean I'm making an ass of myself? I said what? About babies? Fuck no I didn't! I mean sorry Mom.'
Beep. (my phone cut him off, as he learned from his mom of all people that he expressed a desire to have dark haired children with me).

I definitely got a chuckle out of that one. And well I guess I received a great message from one of Todd's personalities, the one that's going through an early mid-life crisis that wants to have children with me before he becomes a patchy haired bastard. Ha ha. I love drunks. They are so fun. Especially when the drunk isn't me, and I am able to make fun of them. I deleted the message and I don't think I'll be so mean as to mention it to him. I don't even think he'd believe it if Idid tell him.
posted by Melina at 3:33 AM