I should've stayed at the work function longer apparently because I've been told stories of one guy attempting to put his foot behind his ear, boasting about his sexual flexibility and his prowess with women (30 unsuspecting ladies have slept with him...according to him). I did not realize that I was working with Wilt Chamberlin...seriously dude, who gives a flying fuck?

I also missed a riveting game of Never Have I Ever, which I'm quite happy about because I always have to tell embarassing stories--especially about this boy (we'll call him JJ) who asked me to "snowball" him and I did...apparently no one else has ever done this or will ever admit to it because for the past six years I'm the only person who ever takes a drink.

I'm kind of sad I missed it, but in the end I'm completely glad. It's one thing to share your sexual dirt with billions of strangers...it's entirely another to spill it to co-workers.