This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Saturday, April 30, 2005
How I'm Feeling...Told To You In A Song
I'm trying to steer clear of any mopey posts. There's nothing worse than first it feels nice and comfy to wrap yourself up in sadness, self pity and maybe a touch of anger but it never really gets you anywhere. So this is my last mopey post. I stayed in last night to finish out my week of wallowing but now it's time to move on. Although my stupid shuffler on Itunes keeps playing "The Blower's Daughter" and "Ain't No Sunshine"...damn these electronics conspiring against me...oh and the weather, there's just a bit of a chill in the air and a drizzle that is incessant. Ain't no sunshine, indeed. Music lovers out there, do you love Bright Eyes? I sure do. I was listening to the CD Digital Ash in a Digital Urn today and I was struck (as always) by the lyrics of "Take it Easy (Love Nothing).
It's like an autobiographical account of my life in the past. Basically boy sleeps with friend, boy gets burned, boy decides that he's going to practice self-preservation and remain detached from anyone else that he hooks up with. If it wasn't a boy, this would be the story of my life...well except for the fact that I had feelings for Matty, but if I had cut things off at the usual 3-4 months I would've been fine. Now I mope, but I'll be better. But I learned my lesson--being detached isn't the way to go, it just kind of makes you turn into kind of a jerk. It only took a couple of years to learn that.
Go here to hear the song that caused my epiphany this morning as I cleaned (hooray, hangover free!)

or you can just read the lyrics...but the song is good--so go listen to it.

Take it Easy (Love Nothing) ------Bright Eyes
First with your hands, then with your mouth
A downpour of sweat, damp cotton clouds
I was a fool, you were my friend
We made it happen
You took off your clothes, left on the light
You stood there so brave, you used to be shy
Each feature improved, each movement refines
And eyes like a showroom

Now they are spreading out the blankets on the beach
That weatherman is a liar, he said it would be raining
But it is clear and blue as far as I can see
Left by the lamp, right next to the bed
On a cartoon cat pad you scratched with a pen"Everything is as it has always been
This never happened"
"Don't take it so bad, it is nothing you did
It is just once something dies, you can't make it live
You're a beautiful boy, you're a sweet little kid
But I am a woman"
So I laid back down and wrapped myself up in the sheet
And I must have looked like a ghost, because something frightened me

And since then I've been so good at vanishing
Now I do as I please, and I lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me
I should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free
And a little bit empty

No it isn't so hard to get close to me
There will be no arguments, we will always agree
And I will try and be kind when I ask you to leave
We will both take it easy
But if you stay too long inside my memory
I will trap you in a song tied to a melody
And I will keep you there so you can't bother me
posted by Melina at 1:19 PM