I just watched the movie again for the second time. In a way I felt like you erased me from your memory and I guess I went away easily enough--I doubt I have that lasting effect on you as you have/had on me. I attempt every day to erase you but for many reasons (most of which are unknown to me) I am unable/unwilling to forget you. Instead, ESotSM makes me think about and remember you all the more vividly, and I'm not sure that it's a very good thing for me to be doing.
I "hate" the fact that I am thinking that I "missed" your birthday (who could forget the Boston Tea Party), the greeness of your eyes; actually the greeness was startling but it was the way that you looked at me...no has ever looked at me like that, either before you or since you.Well since you, I haven't really let anyone look at me like that. The way you looked-it was intense, but a nice intense. It made me want to see me through your eyes. I miss the way you say Hello on the phone. I miss the way you said my name...all those lame things; but your words echo in my ears in a way that nothing else reverberates. I miss that moment we got caught in the rain when we went to the park for a short hike. We stood huddled in embrace laughing as the cold rain absolutely drenched us. Or the time where you set up a beer pong table (basically your aunt's kitchen table) when I told you that I felt old and that I missed college, beer pong and kicking cute boys asses... Damn it, I'm crying now. Why is it that I am prone to emotional outbursts when it comes to you and no one else? I have moved on physically and for the most part, mentally--but the days are there that I think about the things that I mentioned above and plenty of other pointless and now meaningless thoughts. Would it be better if I could completely forget you? You made me a better person by knowing you, and I had more fun with you than any other person in all the world--even when we did the most mundane things in the world. I could've shopped for rugby socks with you forever...even though I knew you'd only play a few games.
I hope you are well and I hold you in my thoughts fondly. I hope one day, we'll run into each other and that the meeting is like the characters of Eternal Sunshine...unexpected, vaguely familliar but kismet nonetheless.