John and I have a problem...a real, diagnosable problem. If we buy gifts for each other we can't wait until the designated holiday to give it to them, oh no, we need to give them to each other right away! Last year it was bad, I would get things shipped from Amazon and then wrap them up, minutes after finishing the job John would come home and I would immediately thrust my gifts upon him...the scotch tape still not completely stuck to the package.

This year it's much easier for me...I haven't purchased anything for him yet because I don't really have the available cash to get anything good so I'm saving to buy last minute. Unfortunately (fortunately for me), Mr. Moneybags (aka John), doesn't have the same poor luxury as me. He desperately wanted to tell me what my presents were but he said, "What are we going to do on Christmas? You won't have anything to open!" I said, leaping around like a fool about to be told her Christmas present, "I don't care! Tell me!" and then I jumped on him for emphasis. He kept holding out and so I said as he played around on the Internet, "Why don't you just look at it one more time on the internet (after letting it slip that it was something from Tiffany & Co.), hoping that he would look at it and I could catch a glimpse in the reflection of his glasses. He replied sternly, "No, you'll just check the history." To which I replied honestly, "No, I was just going to look at it through the reflection of your glasses. After a little snugglefest his lips became loose...

And he said to me, "Your gift isn't so much of a gift for you as it is a gift to tell you that I'm completely ready, I'm onboard." Of course, I looked at him like he had five heads, what on Earth was he talking about? And then he grabbed the laptop and went onto the website and showed me this, and then I realized that he was saying that he was truly ready to have a baby. It also made me realize that he's going to have a very spoiled kid if he's already putting the proverbial silver spoon in a non existant child's mouth already!

Oh and if you thought that was too mushy, he also told me this morning that he bought me the Hitachi Magic Wand...the Cadillac of vibrators too...which is most definitely a present for me and me alone! I have to say, it looks more like a microphone than a vibrator.

Addiction
1. It's amazing that I made it to work today. In the old days it might've been chalked up to staying out too late at bars or under strange men, but these days, a more mellower Melina has found an addiction far more time consuming and worrisome than booze and cock. This my friends,would be the Wii. As soon as I get home from work I turn the little wii on. I grab my wiimote and I begin to hone my skills, because let's be fair here...I'm a woman, I didn't spend my formative years in my dank bedroom jerking off and playing video games all the time--I need to get some kind of edge on John! (disclaimer- I don't really know if John spent his formative years doing the above things,however, I DO know that he spent quite a bit of time filming stop action movies featuring Godzilla and his own voice overs--I just needed to have that documented)
Dick
2. Having roommates has been putting a damper on our sex life lately. Because let's be honest, the place we have sex the most is not our bed (too mushy--perfect for sleep, not for sex) but our couch. Unfortunately for us, between not really getting any private couch time coupled with constant painting jobs and renovations to both our house and to ER's new place was making me a cranky lady. When there's a real penis in the house, the battery operated kind just doesn't cut it for me...because like any woman, I like what I can't have. Mr. Pink (my vibrator), never puts up a fight and is always available, thus, he bores me. John made up for our lack of couch "wrasling" in a big way last night. The man's true talent is foreplay. I'd marry him again if I could just for his mouth...and his personality, of course--his personality! He's not just a piece of a meat--he's my piece of meat. Hands off.

After my party I decided that I needed to sleep...just...a...little. And so, I decided to sleep until about 3 pm. I valiantly stayed awake with my tedious hangover for several hours until I felt I could take it no more. That time came around 8:45 pm. Yep, I stayed awake for only a handful of hours. But then a curious thing happened.

I awoke at 1am with a desire for some dirty, sweaty, hungover sex. I rolled over to see what John was doing. I was surprised to find him sleeping. How could he do that to me?!? Sleep at 1am?!? Nay, I say! So I did my best to wake him up. First I started rubbing on him, then I started whispering things in his ear, I even grabbed his shoulders and gave him a quick shaking. When he became semi-conscious, I did my best to convey my needs to him. I think it went a little like this:

Me: John! Wake up and give me some loving!! I want sex!

John: Huuuh? Wha? (Snoooooooorrrrrrrrreeeeeee)

Being the resourceful girl that I am, I reached over and grabbed my old pal Mr. Pink, the very happy (and friendly) vibrator who hasn't seen much solo action since I've been married. In a few minutes we were reacquainted and I was satified and ready to go back to sleep. I rolled over toward John and said to him, "Spoon me!" in a very whiny voice and he replied sleepily with a very simple phrase that will forever make me grin:

"Why don't you get your vibrator to spoon you?"

What can I say?? The thing's pretty loud.