Well my excitement (from yesterday's post) came to an end this morning which is no big deal we haven't been trying long enough to be concerned in any way, shape or form...but damn was I excited and I think I got John a little excited too and that makes me sad because the let down isn't all that fun especially when most of our friends are getting pregnant just by looking at each other! However, there's always next month and that means more sex and who doesn't love that deal? Seriously? In fact, I'm already looking forward to it...

And because I don't want this blog to turn into something where I post when and if I get my period this is the last I'm going to say anything about it all until/if I'm actually pregnant. So sigh a little sigh of relief my faithful readers. And John put on your game face becauses now that means that you and I have to do something truly ridiculous, hilarious and/or scandalous so that I have something fun to write about.

Friday- Igot flagged from bar...2 mins after entering, and was sent home! Must've been the powerhour that John and I did before we went. John perfected his self portrait that night by taking a purple sharpie to our mirror and closing one of his eyes. Picture this (because I think I broke my camera), he looks like a sailor (he was wearing a sailor hat like on the Cracker Jack box), pirate (he drew himself an eye patch) cutie.


Saturday-Went out with John and his brother for a liquid lunch. Oooh boy! We came home and John decided he wanted to take a shower. Well...Drunk Girl (that's me) that I am, I decided to sneak upstairs and scare him. Little did I know he was soaping up his feet when I reached into the shower curtain and yelled "BOO!". He came crashing out of the shower and landed directly on top of me, pinning my arms to my sides. Because of this, I will be wearing a cardigan over my dress this weekend for Chelle's wedding...I have the most enormous bruises you can imagine on my fat arms. Uggh! They hurt! Sorry Pumpkin, didn't mean to almost kill you!

Sunday- My friend Chrissy, a bartender down at the FQB, decided to have a closed party complete with strippers. Maybe it was the excitement of strippers coming to the party (girls, not guys...because male strippers always look like Michael Bolton in a flag Speedo), maybe it was the fact that John's bro was joining us and he just moved back to Pennsylvania due to a failed relationship, or maybe because we kind of took it easy on St. Patrick's Day, we went ALL OUT! I couldn't even tell you how many Jagger Bombs, Tick Tacs, Car Bombs, shots of Jameson, or beers we had. I'm sure it was prolific. So prolific in fact that I couldn't pay our tab and had to rely on T to pay for it...don't worry, I'll pay her back this week!

And the rest of the missing posts?? Monday, Tuesday and still today I'm running around trying to catch up with all the things I neglected while I was drinking our paychecks away.

Tell me that you adore me, hate me or are just so bored you accidently found me while looking for "Melina's boobs".

That is all...for now.

Ungrateful, that's what I am.

John comes in last night, after driving through horrible weather (we had a tornado warning and flood watches as well) and announces happily, "I have a present for you!" He smiled at me like a little kid proud of his gift. I hopped off the couch greedily, was it a shirt? Or a pair of earrings? Perhaps booze????

I opened it. As I removed whatever it was from the satin pouch, John said, "It's to replace the glass one that was broken!" And I saw this curvy purple glass dildo. I was happy to see a replacement although a little apprehensive--the last one was awesome until afterwards--then I hated it for a few days. When John told me how much he spent for it, my enthusiasm for it waned considerably which made John sad...I mean, he did make an extra special detour to purchase it for me. He did present it to me with such pride and excitement to use it.

So I came home to it...held it a while and realized that indeed, I am happy that it's here...and that I'll be even happier when we get this!! Bless the person who decided to make an adult jungle gym!

T and I went out to dinner to the local asian restaurant a mixture of Thai, Japanese and Chinese cuisine. Mmmm, it was soo good. I had not planned on going out after dinner and I thought I made that plainly clear with my outfit choice. Let's see, I had my glasses, a navy hoodie on (complete with pawprints on the sleeve that I mostly brushed off on my way out the door), old blue jeans and (gasp, no heels but...) my hot pink addias sneakers. After a delightful dinner...which lasted a total of 27 mins because we were both starving, T sweetly talked me into heading down to the FQB.

The FQB was not a happening place to be last night. However, that didn't stop T and I from laughing *ahem* cackling all night long...so much so, that other patrons made comments about it. To make our evening more exciting I reverted to my childhood and just picked on T all night. Here's a list of some of the things that I did:
1. I wrapped her scarf around her so that she looked either Muslim or a mummy and then took a picture of it. I added the caption "T is a whore." and then sent it to all of our mutual friends. Ha ha, I enjoyed that one. I would like to get it printed and make it my Christmas card.

2. I gave her a wet willy...because I know how much she hates having her ears touched and she said something about me loving Favorite Bartender, and that would've been fine (and typical playground banter) except that Favorite Bartender's girlfriend was there and her little almond eyes narrowed on me and I know that in her mind...I had been engulfed in flames. So T deserved the wet willy.

3. I used the word nipple into my casual conversations with her because I know how much she hates the word and it gives her the chills. Watching her cringe was marvelous. Sheer joy.

4. I made her little coaster notes while she was in the bathroom. Her coaster notes (by no means anything like the love notes written to Derek) went like so:
a. "T is useless" (sounds lame but we were discussing that now that the one boy who liked her doesn't like her anymore, the other boy doesn't seem to either...because he seems to only like girls with girlfriends--thus rendering T useless.)
b. 'The Cigarette Machines Do Not Vend to Idiots" (because she spent about three days putting the same crinkled dollar into the machine)
c. "T causes cancer in children and pets"

and so on and so on...we really had to entertain ourselves. Of course, I entertained T with my bumbling conversations with Favorite Bartender. Any time he came around to chat with us, I said something absolutely ridiculous. It was cause for amusement.

So aside from feeling naseous after Favorite Bartender made me the most horseradishy Bloody Mary of my lifetime, it was a fun laid back night. No cute boys around (aside from Favorite Bartender, who I hear wants to break up with his girlfriend...and in fact, HAS broken up with her a few times but she refuses to leave and then he caves) but it was completely fine--again, T and I had a great time.

Oh...and we found out that the teeny tiny bottle opener fits over my nose. T, actually tested it out on other bar patrons and as it turns out, I'm Cinderella. It doesn't fit over anyone else's nose. I wish I could say that this bar survey occurred because we drank too much but quite frankly, we did not.

Last night I went out with T and Chelle...I know, quite a stretch to the imagination. Of course, I was still feeling a little sick but nowhere near as fluish as the previous days...just not on the top of my game. We met up with E and his brother at the FQB, had some dinner and drinks and then headed up to thitwbar.

Well wouldn't you know that the first person I see in the bar is Matty...and he's not alone, he's with Jodi, my replacement (back in May when I stopped returning his calls he started dating Jodi). Ha! Well I guess I know who did answer the phone on Tuesday night...it wasn't me, so it must've been Jodi. God, I'm glad I didn't fall into that trap again. Although, as always my female jealousy was kicking in...he's so not worth it (the sex sure is though), and yet, I like to get all cavegirl about it and think that he's my property. Although, he hasn't even been on my property or bed since May. Oh well.

Then we ran into Hot Ronnie and his roommate who's our favorite bartender down at the FQB. Favorite Bartender invited us over to their house for a post bar sing along. Who says that the Norman Rockwell era is over? Apparently it's alive and well in the Cornfield. While the rest of America is doing meth and having key parties...we're singing songs while someone plays the acoustic guitar. It was pretty much a drunken blur with a whole lot of walking up stairs and then downstairs...and then freezing my ass off, then playing with somebody's puppy. I vaguely remember Favorite Bartender hand feeding me tuna and me enjoying it...but um, I hate fish. I think I love the Favorite Bartender, that's my only way to wrap my brain around the fish eating incident. I haven't eaten a single fish product (so to speak) since I was seventeen. Too bad Favorite Bartender has a girlfriend and he's damaged because he caught his wife cheating on him (obviously prior to getting a girlfriend). Poor kid. He's 26 but he carries the weight of the world sometimes...plus all the Catholic guilt that his divorce is causing him. His girlfriend seems sweet though...but she wasn't around last night so I just followed him around like a puppy. It seemed to work for me at the time. Today, I'm blushing a little. But no harm done, when I'm sober, I'm not interested in the man in the least.

At around 4am I called E and asked him to come pick us up because I was drunk, tired and wanted my bed...and I won't lie--I wanted a piece of Matty. But I stayed strong...and uh, passed out without giving a second thought to Matty. It wasn't hard what with the fact that gross Jodi was in his bed.

When she sent me a random email out of the blue at work today...

"In Kiss Me I'm Shit faced (Dropkick Murphy's song) when he says, "In the trousers she kissed me and I only bought her one round" do you think he's in his trousers when she kisses him? And what good would just a kiss on the trousers actually do?

I giggled, knowing full well that we talked this little song to death over the past few years...and so simply responded with a "Yes."

I received another email saying, "Dumbo (boy with incredibly big ears and an extremely small head/body) bought me a beer the other night, am I still obligated to kiss him in the trousers?"

And again, I responded with a yes. So Dumbo, if she ever kisses you in the trousers you have me to thank...although I highly doubt she will.