Went out Friday night with T. We started out at the FQB for the Christmas party and then made our way up to thitwbar. Guess who I saw in the flesh?? That's right...Derek. But I chose not to talk to him since he didn't send me an email or anything letting me know that he was coming into town.

I ran into Matty, did a shot with him, flirted with him as soon as I saw his whatever she is walking over towards us with a hellish look on her face and her lips screwed into a little knot. Then I watched him get bitched at by her, it was amusing but I wanted to get back to T, E and his friends. On my walk back I saw Todd, and rather than hear that he's engaged in one breath and hear how he wants to fuck me six ways to Sunday in another, I just pretended that I didn't see him. All of these "reunions" made me want to drink heavily...and so I did. And so did T.

We were both pretty drunk when we decided to invite people to come hang out in the Basement Bar at my house. Only E and his four friends, Tony, T and I went--which was good because there wasn't that much alcohol to be had. Tony poured himself a tall glass of Scotch, T had a beer and for some reason I made myself a nice big tumbler full of champagne and chambord...go figure. Anyways, two seconds later E says that he needs to talk to me upstairs and grabs my hand and takes me upstairs. He asks me, "Are you ever going to kiss me again?" and I replied, "I don't know." The next thing I knew I was making out with him like you did in high school before you've had sex...like a million hours of making out. Although, I think it was only for like 20 minutes, but still. Then later for some reason I let him share my barstool and he proceded to rub my ass (and perpetuating the stereotype). His brother and friends were falling asleep on the couch (it was 5:30am) and so E decided he had to take them home. He whispered in my ear, "I can come back" but I just shook my head no with a smile.

So now today I'm doing damage control. He sent me a text message on Saturday morning saying, "I had a really good time with you on Friday night. Kissing you is fun." I didn't respond. Now today I've been discussing the "meaning" of our makeout session on AIM with him for the past few hours. Merry Christmas everyone! I'm going to lay in the grave I dug the other night. While I attempt to sort out my feelings, I'm sure my mouth will get me in trouble more tonight...going out with T, E and a bunch of people that I haven't seen in a long time.

So, to start. My whole body hurts. Like twist me into a pretzel hurts, that's how I feel-but not in a good way. Why you ask? (Aww so kind...so kind), because I went back to the gym after a hiatus. I love the gym, I'm one of those weird people, however, I joined this gym last year that I absolutely loathe...which causes me to skip out on it...which causes me to complain about becoming mushy...to well, actually becoming a tad bit mushy. Hopefully, we caught it in time and with a proper diet (meaning no more good beer, only lite) and LOTS of exercise, I should be back to normal by mid January. Keep me motivated people, send me pictures of the doughboy, your obese next door neighbor, whomever!! ha ha. I'm really only kidding, 10 lbs and I'll be fine but it's not like I'm rolling down the street (yet). Oh and I'm guessing about the 10 lbs because I don't own (nor can I ever, own a scale).

In other news. I had another Matty run in last night. T and I went to a friend's bday party and then to thitwbar. Matty was there again with Jodie. Matt and I said our hellos and then I went over to my bar stool. E was there too. Now this is where it gets bad...If I had a contents label it would say, "Now with more fat...and evilness." Here's what happened. E likes me...really likes me. We kissed two weeks ago and I've been avoiding being alone with him since then because he wants to "talk" about it--thank goodness it wasn't like last year, because I would've slept with him and we would've had a world summit about it or something. So anyways...

E sits next to me, starts grabbing my arm and doing all kinds of playful flirty things. I see out of the corner of my eye Matty staring at me. Now, a typical girl would feed into this right? They'd flirt with E and casually glance over at Matty...not me. I didn't want to burn my bridges with Matty. I'm hoping to blame this on the shock that Matt's spending every waking moment with Jodie all because she answered the damn phone last Tuesday. When I'm sober, I understand how assinine I was, how stupid he is and how skanky the three of us seem...but when I'm drunk (and this is where I need help), all I'm concerned about is how I'm going to win Matty away from her.

Even though I'm evil and an asshole...and drunk enough to explain myself to E (which I thought might've been worse) he still played me songs on the jukebox that I wanted to hear and he played me and T's "love" song..."Circle" and sang it with us. E's not a bad guy, but I know that he's not the guy for me even when it has absolutely nothing to do with the young Matty esquire. E just tends not to listen to me.

My highlight of the night though might've been when Jodie asked Matty, "Can we leave?" and he said, "Why? We both still have beers." and she replied/nodded at me (even though I did nothing more than say hi to him), "That girl's here." He replied, "M? What are you worried about her for? We've been friends a lot longer than you and I have known each other..." and her response that would've been golden had he not gone home with her, "Yeah that's only one of the things that I'm worried about between you and her."

It's getting a little dangerous how much I'm enjoying discord. It might be really, really bad.

Last night I went out with T and Chelle...I know, quite a stretch to the imagination. Of course, I was still feeling a little sick but nowhere near as fluish as the previous days...just not on the top of my game. We met up with E and his brother at the FQB, had some dinner and drinks and then headed up to thitwbar.

Well wouldn't you know that the first person I see in the bar is Matty...and he's not alone, he's with Jodi, my replacement (back in May when I stopped returning his calls he started dating Jodi). Ha! Well I guess I know who did answer the phone on Tuesday night...it wasn't me, so it must've been Jodi. God, I'm glad I didn't fall into that trap again. Although, as always my female jealousy was kicking in...he's so not worth it (the sex sure is though), and yet, I like to get all cavegirl about it and think that he's my property. Although, he hasn't even been on my property or bed since May. Oh well.

Then we ran into Hot Ronnie and his roommate who's our favorite bartender down at the FQB. Favorite Bartender invited us over to their house for a post bar sing along. Who says that the Norman Rockwell era is over? Apparently it's alive and well in the Cornfield. While the rest of America is doing meth and having key parties...we're singing songs while someone plays the acoustic guitar. It was pretty much a drunken blur with a whole lot of walking up stairs and then downstairs...and then freezing my ass off, then playing with somebody's puppy. I vaguely remember Favorite Bartender hand feeding me tuna and me enjoying it...but um, I hate fish. I think I love the Favorite Bartender, that's my only way to wrap my brain around the fish eating incident. I haven't eaten a single fish product (so to speak) since I was seventeen. Too bad Favorite Bartender has a girlfriend and he's damaged because he caught his wife cheating on him (obviously prior to getting a girlfriend). Poor kid. He's 26 but he carries the weight of the world sometimes...plus all the Catholic guilt that his divorce is causing him. His girlfriend seems sweet though...but she wasn't around last night so I just followed him around like a puppy. It seemed to work for me at the time. Today, I'm blushing a little. But no harm done, when I'm sober, I'm not interested in the man in the least.

At around 4am I called E and asked him to come pick us up because I was drunk, tired and wanted my bed...and I won't lie--I wanted a piece of Matty. But I stayed strong...and uh, passed out without giving a second thought to Matty. It wasn't hard what with the fact that gross Jodi was in his bed.

I really wanted to answer my phone last night...and I had four opportunities to do so. But I guess I really didn't want to answer my phone. Who was on the other end? Matty. Matty, the boy who I kind of let slip out of my life because he wasn't convenient for me...and someone who left because I think he was tired of hearing about Derek.

So why's he calling again?

I kind of got the hint when his last message said, "I'm horny. I know you're probably horny. Let's hang out like old times."

And I kind of wanted to, but I kind of didn't.


(ed. note- It turns out that Chelle was at the same bar as Matty and he kept staring at his phone and "rubbing it like a pet"...as Chelle put it, "you're a wanted animal." But I don't know, I feel like I'm moving forward and that looks like a step back. But it could be a damn fun step back).

Last night I went out to dinner with T down at the FQB and then we decided to stay for a few beers. After the most satisfying meal of my life (mmm chicken tambo...they make it for us special since it's not on the menu anymore), we moved into the bar area and just laughed and chatted talking about her men, and the funny messages that E drunkenly left me on Sunday night when all of them (E, Chelle, T and the rest o' the gang) were out, and I was sleeping responsibly since I had work nice and early in the morning.

Then at around ten my cell chimes that I have a text message. I open my phone and it says Matty's name and his number but nothing else. So I thought,"Huh?" and so I typed, "Huh?" and left it at that. A little after that message I got a text from M asking, "What are you up to?" and I just replied, "Out with T." Something was obviously in the air...wondering what both these boys were looking at or doing that reminded them of me.