This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Thursday, January 05, 2006
WWDPD? (What would Dr. Phil Do?)
The nice thing about a new year is that you have a clean slate. The bad thing about a new year is that everyone becomes so damn introspective and you realize all the stupid things you did to sabotage your happiness. This is basically what Chelle and I were discussing the other night. She has recently been a convert of Dr. Phil' this is a tough pill to swallow, Dr. Phil is annoying. Dr. Phil has a horrible draw, his head is by far too large for this planet and half the time his statements sound more like Ned Flanders than advice. But that aside, he's teaching my friend stuff about relationships and "how to get what you want"...she's thinking about getting wrist bands that say "What would Dr. Phil do?" to remind her not to go home with people, or make out with people that she's not attracted to. If it works, more power to her.

Instead of subscribing to her guru, Dr. Phil...I'm taking the approach of Seinfield and the episode where George does everything opposite and gets everything he wants. I clearly hear the one line in my head, "I'm bald...I live with my parents, and I don't care who knows it!" Ok, so I'm not bald and I don't live with my parents so that's a good point is...I reread all the stupid things I subjected poor (loveable, sweet sweet) Derek to, and well, first I laughed...because damn, I am one funny lady and then I made myself a list of things not to in the pursuit of a man. To you my faithful readers I submit my list:

1. Pursue (as in hunt) the man as if he is exotic game. easy enough
2. Write love letters of any kind while intoxicated...whether these love notes are on coasters or not really has no bearing.
3. Get so intoxicated that you can hardly form words because you get nervous around him and because you want him to drive you home later. The problem here is, you can't take advantage of him when you're being helped to your door because gravity is working against you.
4. Invite a man home for some hot lovin' and then proceed to pass out on the floor while you wait for him to close the bar.
5. Invite him again and do the same thing, again.
6. Tell him that he "should just love me already, everyone else does."
7. Sleep with another man for many many months whilst waiting for my "true love" to figure out that he loves me.
8. Create a blog about this man
9. Obsess, obsess, obsess...and then do it again.
10. and I'm sure there are a million other things too that I'm just blocking out right now...and I don't feel like making a hundred point list!

So now, there may be an opportunity with this new guy. He seems nice, he has roots in the Cornfield but he lives elsewhere. He has a real job-where he has to wear "real" clothes to, but then I also love the duality that he's in a punk band and he's covered in tattoos (that obviously can be all covered when necessary). He went to college, he loves his family, he accepts his sister (who as he puts it, "switched teams this year")...these are all good things.

If the opportunity presents itself, I will not screw this one up. Here are a few things that I plan to do to prevent this:
1. Not drink until oblivion in his presence for a while...somehow when drunk I become very focused on getting laid. While this is a charming quality (ha ha), I plan on hiding it for a little.
2. I'm not going to obsess or pursue with the focus of an exotic game hunter. This one's going to be tough, when I see something I want, I typically go get it.

Those two should probably help me out. But never fear, I'm going to be myself...just maybe not the overly dramatic version of me.

That being said, I wish Myspace wasn't blocked from my work...because I want to check what message he sent me today!

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posted by Melina at 7:29 AM