I was just looking at John's Mypsace profile because I don't think I have in a long time...which is funny because when we were dating, I furtively stalked it all the time. While checking it out this morning I read his about me and I laughed--it sums him up completely:

"I am hopelessly addicted to fun, drama, nicotine and love".

I got called out on my little myspace blog. I was stupid and I was waiting for John to ask me out again, so I put a little blog up that said, "I'm waiting. Hurry up already." It wasn't addressed to him or anything but I took it down after an hour because I realized how childish it was, but apparently it was too late.

So I got a text message from John a little be later that night, it started out cute but then the last line said, "So you're not a fan of waiting, huh?" and I responded, "Not so much. I think it's a consequence of being an only child. But I suppose I can learn." And he sent one back that said, "Waiting isn't always such a bad thing you know." My reply, " True enough." What I really wanted to say was, "What the hell are we talking about here???" I must say it was one instance where I wished that the two of us liked talking on the phone rather than text messaging.

Now I'm pretending that I'm good at waiting, when in fact, I just want more time to get to know him and I think it's damn ridiculous. I consulted my mom and she thinks he's lost his interest, as she said, "What guy makes a girl wait to hang out with him if he's interested? So I guess I'll be waiting a long time, real long. Sucks.

Next post: The three hour conversation with E about how I don't want to be with him. I even cited the fact that I was interested in getting to know John better, if that folds, I'm fucked.

The nice thing about a new year is that you have a clean slate. The bad thing about a new year is that everyone becomes so damn introspective and you realize all the stupid things you did to sabotage your happiness. This is basically what Chelle and I were discussing the other night. She has recently been a convert of Dr. Phil's...now this is a tough pill to swallow, Dr. Phil is annoying. Dr. Phil has a horrible draw, his head is by far too large for this planet and half the time his statements sound more like Ned Flanders than advice. But that aside, he's teaching my friend stuff about relationships and "how to get what you want"...she's thinking about getting wrist bands that say "What would Dr. Phil do?" to remind her not to go home with people, or make out with people that she's not attracted to. If it works, more power to her.

Instead of subscribing to her guru, Dr. Phil...I'm taking the approach of Seinfield and the episode where George does everything opposite and gets everything he wants. I clearly hear the one line in my head, "I'm bald...I live with my parents, and I don't care who knows it!" Ok, so I'm not bald and I don't live with my parents so that's a good start...my point is...I reread all the stupid things I subjected poor (loveable, sweet sweet) Derek to, and well, first I laughed...because damn, I am one funny lady and then I made myself a list of things not to in the pursuit of a man. To you my faithful readers I submit my list:

1. Pursue (as in hunt) the man as if he is exotic game. easy enough
2. Write love letters of any kind while intoxicated...whether these love notes are on coasters or not really has no bearing.
3. Get so intoxicated that you can hardly form words because you get nervous around him and because you want him to drive you home later. The problem here is, you can't take advantage of him when you're being helped to your door because gravity is working against you.
4. Invite a man home for some hot lovin' and then proceed to pass out on the floor while you wait for him to close the bar.
5. Invite him again and do the same thing, again.
6. Tell him that he "should just love me already, everyone else does."
7. Sleep with another man for many many months whilst waiting for my "true love" to figure out that he loves me.
8. Create a blog about this man
9. Obsess, obsess, obsess...and then do it again.
10. and I'm sure there are a million other things too that I'm just blocking out right now...and I don't feel like making a hundred point list!

So now, there may be an opportunity with this new guy. He seems nice, he has roots in the Cornfield but he lives elsewhere. He has a real job-where he has to wear "real" clothes to, but then I also love the duality that he's in a punk band and he's covered in tattoos (that obviously can be all covered when necessary). He went to college, he loves his family, he accepts his sister (who as he puts it, "switched teams this year")...these are all good things.

If the opportunity presents itself, I will not screw this one up. Here are a few things that I plan to do to prevent this:
1. Not drink until oblivion in his presence for a while...somehow when drunk I become very focused on getting laid. While this is a charming quality (ha ha), I plan on hiding it for a little.
2. I'm not going to obsess or pursue with the focus of an exotic game hunter. This one's going to be tough, when I see something I want, I typically go get it.

Those two should probably help me out. But never fear, I'm going to be myself...just maybe not the overly dramatic version of me.

That being said, I wish Myspace wasn't blocked from my work...because I want to check what message he sent me today!

Three emails from him today, not over-eager messages...funny ones, ones that made me notice that he paid attention to what I was saying last night.
Went over to his myspace page (because I'm ridiculous) and noticed that he changed his headline to something that I said last night.

Sent him a message saying where I was going tonight...saw that he read it...hoping he shows up!