This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Monday, July 04, 2005
Memorable moments from the weekend now known as the Derek bonding project
Chelle: It's really too bad we didn't have any pecans to throw at him..." (in reference to the idea that she once had for me to "keep" Der around, in which I would throw pecans at him through a dog cage...don't ask.)

(two minutes later)

Me: Ooh do you feel about Pecans?
Derek: I don't like them.
Me: (under my breath) Damn!
Derek: Why?
Me: No reason, just asking questions.
Me: Derek I don't even know why you wear those glasses...they don't do anything!
Chelle: Yeah! What are you just trying to look smart?
Me: (under my breath) Good luck with that one!
Derek: Hey! You're so mean...I have an astigmatism.
Me: So your one eyeball is shaped like a football?
Derek; Huh? What? I don't know...(flings off glasses into bush at 4 am)
Me: You're a moron.
Derek: Oh yeah? Well...
Me: Let's just find your stupid glasses dummyhead
Derek and Melina search frantically in the bushes but alcohol prevented them from being able to find them.
Derek: Well...we're just going to have to stop at my house and get my other pair.
Me: You have another pair? How very cosmopolitan of you...I've been wearing glasses since 6th grade and I only ever had one pair.
Derek: Yeah but how many pairs of shoes do you have?
Me: (looking down at the hottest pair of clearance hot pink adidas suede sneakers) Not that many...
Derek: When did you get those?
Me: The other day but they were on clearance at Dick's Sporting Goods for sixteen dollars and no one's going to pass up these sexy bitches...
Derek:I would've, they're pink
Me: Well spoken like a man who owns those (makes gagging noises)green suede sneakers...I don't think you should be casting stones Der.
Derek: Don't talk to're mean.
Me: And you my friend are a punk ass bitch.
Ronnie or possibly someone else: You're both idiots who both appear to own suede sneakers. Quit the bickering.
***As you read this...Derek travelled a gazillion miles away without finding his glasses. I would've cried***
Derek to his friend who I can't remember his name: She's the one who made the pirate shirt for me.
Friend: Oh that was a really cool shirt, what happened to it?
Me: (blushing)
Derek: She was afraid someone from here was going to steal it so she stole it back
Me: Uh yeah...It was really expensive.
Derek: You never told me that...
Me: Derek, it was really expensive...but you're worth it.
Friend: Shit this is getting too deep for my blood (walks into house)
Derek: So it was expensive huh?
Me: Shut up, you're gay.
Derek: That didn't stop you from looking down my pants last week...
Several boys: Huh?
Me: Nothing. It was nothing. Derek's taking psychotropic drugs again.
Ronnie: Someone get that big ass mosquito. It's going to suck my blood!
Me: Just your blood? Give me something to kill it with.
Derek: No one's killing anything! (flies up and attempts to gallantly save the stupid mosquito and somehow loses it)
Ronnie: Greeeaaat! Now we're all going to get....
Chelle: West Nile Virus
Derek: (nods enthusiastically) Yeah.
Me: should've just killed the bastard.
Ronnie: Who? Derek or the mosquito?
Me: That's debatable at this point.
Derek to Chelle: So was it awkward when you went up to Co-worker's house for the hookup? Did you think, "Shit this guy's going to pee on me?"
Chelle: It wasn't awkward or anything but...well, at one point I was thinking about the things you and M were saying.
Me: Awww, isn't that sweet? She thought of us while she was boning Co-worker.
Derek: He so totally peed on you didn't he?
Chelle: Shut up.
(then she had to explain the whole story to the four boys that were standing slack jawed in the her face got redder and redder)
Derek (itching ankle covered in poison ivy): Itchy
Me: Stop itching (slaps at his hand)! You're going to spread it all over yourself, you moron!
Derek: Don't hit me, or I'll give it to you...(moves ankle in a menacing manner towards me)
Melina: Well moron, you can't give me poison doesn't spread person to person.
Derek: Yes it does.
Chelle: No it doesn't. You could spread it to her if you had the oil on you still and transferred it that way.
Ronnie: I feel like I'm on the Learning Channel or something.
Derek: Well I'll just go find some poison ivy leaves and rub them all over you!
Me: I once had poison ivy so bad all over my face...I looked like the Elephant Man
Derek: The Elephant Man was fucking awesome!
Me: Yeah but not when you're in 7th grade and you look like him.
Derek: Yeah, I guess I could see that.
Me: (pointing rudely across the bar) That's Derek's roommate, the one with the big moustache.
Chelle: (recoils) That's an ugly moustache
Derek: (fly around the bar from where he should be working and sits down) Yeah I hate that fucking moustache! But he's awesome!
Chelle: M was just saying that she wanted to go for a moustache ride!
Me: I didn't say I wanted to ride that moustache!
Derek's roommate: hey!
In Unison: Hey. (and attempt not to laugh as we all stare at the moustache)

***So did anyone notice my 6th grade behavior of being mean to the boy that I like? Yeah me too...I promise to tone it down a little.***
posted by Melina at 6:28 PM