This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Monday, June 27, 2005
Wow, I Must Be A Dirty Dirty Girl
Here are a couple of searches that led people to my little piece of heaven...or whatever this sinful sinful place is...I'll admit, I snorted my milk when I read one of these. Can you guess which one?

1. dear abby" food stamps birthday party ~ I don't know exactly if I would ever ask Abby if it was ok to throw a birthday party based on a food stamp budget. All you're really going to be able to provide your guests with is that generic apple juice...I personally drink gin and juice, but it ain't that juice! Who knows though, it could be the next TLC hit tv show. $20 budget and a half an hour to prepare the best food stamp party ever!!

2. Alabama wurley~ The definition of a whore with a heart of gold. Too bad not all prostitutes look the silver screen hookers. There's a lovely lady of the night around here who lives down by the river (and no, not in a van)...she um, doesn't look quite as cute. And her moniker? Two Bill Jill. You can guess the denomination of those two's not all about the Benjamins though.

3. how can you say that a woman is empowered? Um...well, how can you not say a woman is empowered? I think I learned (also from Hollywood) that empowered women are BAD and that they will sexually harass you. (poor babies). What was that Demi Moore movie that taught such an important (sic) lesson, where she sexually harassed Michael Douglas and made his life "a living hell" (you know, a hot woman objectifying you...torture. Shut up Drk)?

4.languages used in phone sex. For me it's typically English, heteroglossia (speaking in tongues) and a smattering of onomatopoeia...but that's just me. The person of the other line speaks in guttural tones to me...

5. Paula Abdul song "You take two steps back," A) it scares me that I know the exact post that this came from. B) Paula Abdul scares me. Especially the weird, I'm a forty year old hooker vibe/clothing that she sports on American Idol. C) When I was a teenager my dad scarred me for life when I professed the fear that my thighs were too big (from sports) and he said, "Nonsense, you look great. You have Paula Abdul thighs!" (and he thought this was a good, didn't she (doesn't she?) have an eating disorder?)

6. she just begged for more. Well I hope you gave it to her...because when someone begs, it's just not nice to hold out on them like that. Think of my (ahem...) her needs.
posted by Melina at 7:16 PM