Four Little Words that can get you drunk
And those four words would be..."I saw Derek naked." I know, I know...I'm juvenile...I swear I have deep thoughts that I commit to page every now and then, just never here. Here, it's just pure smut and smut makes me happy...well that and seeing Derek naked.
Last night Chelle was trying to drink her nervousness away because she had finally committed to sleeping with her co-worker. They chose last night to seal their deal. Being the friend that I am, I took her to thitwbar to get her a little liquored up beforehand. Derek was at the bar and when I saw him I blushed a little and then I leaned over and said to Chelle, "I saw Derek naked and I liked it. A lot." To that we did a little mini toast. And then it continued...because my maturity level is stuck about around 15 years old...so I continuously said things like, "Derek has a big penis" and then we would do a toast, and "I love Derek, in the I want to sex you up kind of way" and "I want to bang Derek like a screen door". There were lots of toasts and lots of ridiculous statements from me about him for a good two hours...and that friends, is how I got drunk. And I'm fairly sure that most of the bar heard me expound on the virtures of Derek's naked body. What can I say, I liked it a lot.
Chelle dropped me off and proceeded to her sex rendezvous and then I got a call from Ry...it turned out that he, Tash and an assortment of folks were going to thitwbar...so he picked me up and I was right back where I started. We had a couple of shots and I filled Tash in the "I saw Derek naked" litany and then the most embarassing thing happened. Tash said something about Derek and I turned around and looked directly at him and he caught me. Now obviously, that's not so embarassing considering my typical bufoonery when dealing with him...no my embarassment came when I walked past him and he said, "Still talking about me I see" and I just nodded sheepishly and walked out the door.
I continued to make an ass of myself by emailing him on his myspace account with something a little like this:
Now that we've seen each other naked um, do you want to be my friend here on myspace? And uh sorry if I left you with a bad image burned in your retina...but hey we can't all be perfect except for supermodels and the non skanky porn stars.
Ok a nice dose of self-deprecation tied in with desperation to "be his myspace friend" Yup, that about does it for me for one night...someone should put a breathalizer on my keyboard now. First it was my cell phone, now it's the computer. Well I'll only be able to harass him for a couple more months until he leaves me and the Cornfield for good, so I guess I should live it up now.
Last night Chelle was trying to drink her nervousness away because she had finally committed to sleeping with her co-worker. They chose last night to seal their deal. Being the friend that I am, I took her to thitwbar to get her a little liquored up beforehand. Derek was at the bar and when I saw him I blushed a little and then I leaned over and said to Chelle, "I saw Derek naked and I liked it. A lot." To that we did a little mini toast. And then it continued...because my maturity level is stuck about around 15 years old...so I continuously said things like, "Derek has a big penis" and then we would do a toast, and "I love Derek, in the I want to sex you up kind of way" and "I want to bang Derek like a screen door". There were lots of toasts and lots of ridiculous statements from me about him for a good two hours...and that friends, is how I got drunk. And I'm fairly sure that most of the bar heard me expound on the virtures of Derek's naked body. What can I say, I liked it a lot.
Chelle dropped me off and proceeded to her sex rendezvous and then I got a call from Ry...it turned out that he, Tash and an assortment of folks were going to thitwbar...so he picked me up and I was right back where I started. We had a couple of shots and I filled Tash in the "I saw Derek naked" litany and then the most embarassing thing happened. Tash said something about Derek and I turned around and looked directly at him and he caught me. Now obviously, that's not so embarassing considering my typical bufoonery when dealing with him...no my embarassment came when I walked past him and he said, "Still talking about me I see" and I just nodded sheepishly and walked out the door.
I continued to make an ass of myself by emailing him on his myspace account with something a little like this:
Now that we've seen each other naked um, do you want to be my friend here on myspace? And uh sorry if I left you with a bad image burned in your retina...but hey we can't all be perfect except for supermodels and the non skanky porn stars.
Ok a nice dose of self-deprecation tied in with desperation to "be his myspace friend" Yup, that about does it for me for one night...someone should put a breathalizer on my keyboard now. First it was my cell phone, now it's the computer. Well I'll only be able to harass him for a couple more months until he leaves me and the Cornfield for good, so I guess I should live it up now.
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