I take harassment at lunch at the hands of my mother
Mom: So tell me what's going on with these boys of yours?
Me: Nothing Mom...I totally tapped out.
Mom: Really? That doesn't sound like you...Derek's really leaving huh?
Me: Yeah, but he never liked me in the first place...I was just pushing that because I just figured he was a tough sell.
Mom: You just like a challenge.
Me: I'm sick of challenges. It's been a painful x amount of months of failure. I don't like failure (pouty face)
Mom:(raises her eyebrow archly) Really? Has Matty called you lately?
Me: He called me last Monday...but he hasn't called me back.
Mom's Boyfriend: That's the one she liked right? (talking past me to my mom)
Mom: I don't know if she really liked him. She just liked him because he was like the uncatchable fish...and because he was so good in bed.
Me: Hell-O...I'm still here, remember (lots of eye rolling and sighing).
Mom: Yes, I know Sweetie. So who else? There has to be a third. (over top of my head) Melina always works in threes.
Me: Well I gave my number out to this guy last night.
Mom: Oh yeah? Is he high quality?
Me: What do you think?
Mom: Well I'm sure he's a dick and that he works in food service.
Me: Bingo! Give that woman a prize!
Mom: Really? You're not kidding...(trails off uncertain)
Me: He's a chef...not just a cook (giving mom a look when said) as if one person's job is better than another's Mother...and at his other job he's a waiter.
Mom: I don't know what it is about you and cooks. I bet he has a lot of tattoos too?
Me: Well I like food. Yes, he has a lot of tattoos...you know how I feel about them. Yum.
Mom: Perhaps. So why is he a dick?
Me: I'm not sure that he is...but the word on the street is, that he is. Oh and...
Mom: ...and what?
Me: Well he hit on me when he had a girlfriend. In his girlfriend's house...
Mom: Oh boy. Yeah he's a winner.
Me: Winner or not, I just want him to call me...or I'm going to poke his eyes out!
Mom's boyfriend: Are there a lot of men in the Cornfield missing eyes?
Me and Mom: Shut it!
Mom: I just want grandchildren that don't have to go to the Vet someday...ok?
Me: Well, if he calls me I'll discuss how he feels about bastard children, ok?
Mom: (shoves me and hugs me)
And then we munched happily on salads...The End.
Well almost the end, I'm still waiting for that phone call. This is day 1. Two more to wait in the traditional "stupid boy doesn't call for three days" (why do they do that?). Or my personal favorite...he won't call at all, even though he asked for my number. I hate phone number collecting boys--they are the worst.
Me: Nothing Mom...I totally tapped out.
Mom: Really? That doesn't sound like you...Derek's really leaving huh?
Me: Yeah, but he never liked me in the first place...I was just pushing that because I just figured he was a tough sell.
Mom: You just like a challenge.
Me: I'm sick of challenges. It's been a painful x amount of months of failure. I don't like failure (pouty face)
Mom:(raises her eyebrow archly) Really? Has Matty called you lately?
Me: He called me last Monday...but he hasn't called me back.
Mom's Boyfriend: That's the one she liked right? (talking past me to my mom)
Mom: I don't know if she really liked him. She just liked him because he was like the uncatchable fish...and because he was so good in bed.
Me: Hell-O...I'm still here, remember (lots of eye rolling and sighing).
Mom: Yes, I know Sweetie. So who else? There has to be a third. (over top of my head) Melina always works in threes.
Me: Well I gave my number out to this guy last night.
Mom: Oh yeah? Is he high quality?
Me: What do you think?
Mom: Well I'm sure he's a dick and that he works in food service.
Me: Bingo! Give that woman a prize!
Mom: Really? You're not kidding...(trails off uncertain)
Me: He's a chef...not just a cook (giving mom a look when said) as if one person's job is better than another's Mother...and at his other job he's a waiter.
Mom: I don't know what it is about you and cooks. I bet he has a lot of tattoos too?
Me: Well I like food. Yes, he has a lot of tattoos...you know how I feel about them. Yum.
Mom: Perhaps. So why is he a dick?
Me: I'm not sure that he is...but the word on the street is, that he is. Oh and...
Mom: ...and what?
Me: Well he hit on me when he had a girlfriend. In his girlfriend's house...
Mom: Oh boy. Yeah he's a winner.
Me: Winner or not, I just want him to call me...or I'm going to poke his eyes out!
Mom's boyfriend: Are there a lot of men in the Cornfield missing eyes?
Me and Mom: Shut it!
Mom: I just want grandchildren that don't have to go to the Vet someday...ok?
Me: Well, if he calls me I'll discuss how he feels about bastard children, ok?
Mom: (shoves me and hugs me)
And then we munched happily on salads...The End.
Well almost the end, I'm still waiting for that phone call. This is day 1. Two more to wait in the traditional "stupid boy doesn't call for three days" (why do they do that?). Or my personal favorite...he won't call at all, even though he asked for my number. I hate phone number collecting boys--they are the worst.
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