This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Saturday, January 22, 2005
Hope Springs Eternal and Falls Flat on Its Ass...
Yesterday after work my friends and I went to the local Microbrewery to give a sad send off to our good friend. She's leaving us and moving to Albany and although she's pregnant, the rest of us took this as a chance to get drunk! I'm sure she was thinking, "Thank God I'm moving to Albany!" All in all, it was great bonding amongst friends. The five of us found each other at work and proved that women can be friends without being catty (something which most of us found to be an axiom of truth previously). After many beers and some teary eyes, three of us ventured over to the local firehall. Basically, it was to embarass our friend Jcke. Jcke probably would've never entered a basement firehall bar where the beer is fifty cents a glass unless we dragged her...which we did. After an uneventful beer there, the ladies dropped me off to get a shower (since I didn't have any time for one in the morning due to my elicit activities with Todd the night before because I only had an hour of sleep before I had to go to work!) After the shower I prepped to go to where else--but THITWbar!

While alone, I put my makeup back on veerrry carefully because I'm a wee bit tipsy and I didn't want to look like Tammy Faye. I take this time to have a few moments of introspection. "Will Todd call me?" "Do I want Todd to call me?" "Will I be upset if he doesn't call me?" and probably a dozen other questions. Todd and I have a past. We dated openly for a while, meaning we didn't get all that serious...but then I wanted to be serious with him and him alone. He didn't. And so I made the decision to part ways because my feelings had changed for him and things would've gotten a lot more complicated. I would've been a jealous, vindictive banshee if I saw him with any other woman. It was a clean break, no booty calls...nothing from either of us. He ended up dating someone and I ended up dating "the one" who eventually got away. So we were both happy with our lives and we definitely made the right decision. But sometimes, in the periods when I'm single I think about him. So I was happy to hang out with him and I'm certainly not upset that I slept with him. He did attempt to feed me lines though, how he and his girlfriend had broken up about two months ago and how it was definitely over and how he too, often wondered if we took the relationship to the next know casual bullshit to try and seal the deal of getting laid.
I didn't believe a word of it. Knowing Todd, he's full of bullshit 95% of the time which is why he's such a successful salesmen. So I didn't believe a word of it, but I wanted to. Deep down, there was a little kernel of hope, that maybe...this wouldn't be a one night stand...I pushed that thought away quickly and resolved just to enjoy the moment. Which I'll admit I did. I went back to putting my makeup on and my phone rings.
"Oh my God, it's Todd," I'm excited, I wanted him to call! I hoped he'd call! I KNEW he'd call! I breathe, I play it cool.
"Hello?" making sure my voice sounds a little breathy.
"Melina, it's Todd."
"Oh hey, what's up?"
"Nothing, just heading down to the city to hang out with some friends from college."
"Oh, that's cool. I went to ________(the Microbrewery) for my friend's going away party after work and I just got out of the shower."(always good to put a reminder of you naked-as long as it's a good reminder).
"Did you see S there? Wasn't he bartending tonight?" Todd asks.
"Yeah, I saw him but I didn't talk to him. He left this really crazy message on my cell today..."
Todd cuts me off, "Yeah he always leaves crazy messages until the machine cuts him off! He talks like he's actually having a conversation with you. He's a crazy fuck!" chuckling into the phone.
"Yeah well he's your friend."
"Well you dated him!" Todd says with a laugh.
"I dated you too, so it shows what kind of taste I have in men," I say laughing back.
"Well actually that's what I called to talk with you about," he pauses. "I had a really, no REALLY great time with you last night. I don't remember it being like that when we were together back in the day."
(Back in the day? Were we together when dinosaurs were around or something?)
"Yeah, I thought it was great too," I reply kind of lamely because I'm not exactly sure where this conversation but I'm getting a hint as to where.

There's more sappy talk that I'm not going to get into because we need to get to the heart of the conversation. So flash forward about three minutes of talking...and action!

"Well last night was kind of a mistake...I mean, not that you're a mistake," he backpedals miserably. "I, uh...was drunk and S kept talking about you, because well, you know how S feels about you...(showing me that S is the only man who's in love with me and sadly he's insane and showing me that Todd's a pretty sucky friend to S) and well, I uh...I just wanted to see you, and be with you again," he says in this tone like he's trying to calmly tell me not to jump off the ledge. This tone is starting to piss me off.
"Well ok, Todd thanks for the explanation..." I respond wanting very much to just get off the phone as quickly as possible. This is cruel and unusualy punishment, especially with the slow pace of disclosure.
"Melina, it wasn't fair and I was pretty much a drunken asshole last night. I think me and __________ (the girl he ended up dating for about three years after we broke up) are going to try to get back together." (In my head I'm thinking, "Yes, yes you are an asshole...")
"It's ok Todd, I don't recall either of us talking about dating or getting married last night, so I think you're safe!" I respond cheerfully (it's a ruse, I'm pissed).
"Good, good. Listen, I'd soo date you if it wasn't for ________, I just feel like I owe her some more time and to see if we can work it out." (I have flashbacks to my friend Ml and her recent heartbreak, and um hello? You'd date me if there wasn't someone better than me and that's supposed to placate me?)
"Well then I guess that's a good thing for you," I say flatly.
"I just wanted to hang out with you and show you that I wasn't the same asshole I was three years ago, but I guess that backfired. It's just that when she called today.." I cut him off this time.
"Listen Todd, I've gotta go get ready, my ride is on her way to pick me up. So thanks for the explanation and have a good time tonight in the city (mentally, I'm thinking, "I hope you get mugged.")
"Alright. I hope you have fun too. And Mellie? I'm really sorry. I'm a dick and I know it."
"Well at least you know it. Talk to you later." I hang up the phone.

I didn't cry or anything because there wasn't a need to. I'm a big girl and I went into the night with no expectations. Hope grew throughout the next day slightly, but I'm a realist so I never put any true thought in us getting together again. Just the typical postcoital fantasy. I went back to putting my makeup on. My ride came and we went to THITWbar. I saw Drk and I didn't even smile because there was a man that I had deeply invested HOPE in. If for some reason I lost that hope, I think I would've been a crying mess in the bar. I mean, come on! Even I know that Drk isn't ever going to be truly interested in me and at best I can bed him down and that would be it, but I didn't want to think about that or attempt it on this particular Friday night. I pushed all thoughts of men aside and focused on having a genuinely good time with my friends. I hung out with Chelle, her sister, Cr and her man W. We had fun, nothing exciting. Cr and W left early. Nette (Chelle's sister) and I did a few free shots from a nice young gentleman and then we left by twelve (since the sisters had an early event in the morning). They dropped me off and I went to bed, alone. It wasn't half bad to spread out across my wonderfully comfy bed. Not bad at all. Another lesson learned I guess. Well, we'll see if it's learned.
posted by Melina at 2:30 PM