My period is two days late and I'm excited!! Oh the 23 year old me of the past is seriously confused by that statement and would be praying to see only the control line while quietly praying and promising not to have any more one night stands! But the 30 year old me is secretly crossing her fingers and hoping the next time she pees on a stick she sees a plus or two lines or whatever the hell I'm supposed to see. Of course all the while, I know that two days is absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things...but I don't care. *squeal* I'm late!! Wooo! I know a bunch of people who are probably squinching their faces at the computer screen muttering to themselves, "Oh good lord, another one of those girls..." I'm sorry, I just. cannot. help. it.

I'm whispering silently in my head, "Please don't come, please don't come! For the love of all that's good in the world, please don't come!" I'm constantly running to the bathroom and checking (sorry for that bit of TMI), and so far so good. Seriously, I think I'm neurotic.

That being said, the cheap little stick tests that I purchased online keep telling me that I'm not pregnant...but I'm not ready to believe them just yet.

While giving blood yesterday my pal Ml must've been feeling a little woozy. She revealed secrets...secrets about me. Secrets that are most delicate in nature; about what I like to do in my free time--for example, maybe...just maybe...I get drunk and I put my dad's prosthetic hook on my hand. C'mon! Tell me! Tell me that you wouldn't do it if you had had a hook sitting on a shelf looking all lonely-like.

The person that Ml told looked shocked. Ml tried to explain, "Well, it's just like a hat. Let's say your dad died and he left you a hat, you'd wear it right?"

The girl looked directly at Ml and said, "But it's not a hat, it's a hook!" Which made me think of the scene in I Heart Huckabees where Jason Schwartzman's character tries to give the valet his bike and tells him to pretend it's a car. The valet says, "But it's not a car, it's my job!" That made me giggle, and then it made me think of this...

The girl came in today and confronted me, "Do you wear your dad's hook when you're drunk?"
My reply was, "Well yes, sometimes then. But I wear it whenever I feel like really, why do you ask?"
She gave me the look reserved for small children and animals that are behaving badly and she told me that I'm cracked in the head. I didn't deny it. C'mon, it's not like I wear the hook out of the house. Yet.

PS. That's the real hook above.
PPS. It is covered in camouflage duct tape.
PPS. I have no idea why.