...and the winner of the best new wife eva is...ME! Like you didn't know I was going to say that in the first place. Seriously though, I casually asked John what he wanted to do for his birthday next month because at first I was going to plan something all stealthy-like. Even though his birthday isn't until the end of February, planning birthdays is something I enjoy and obsess over. Because of this, I spent countless days frowning at the computer, typing furiously and trying to find something "unusual", "exciting" and "cool" on Google to do for his bday. Unfortunately, the shemale that kept turning up in my searches wasn't exactly "the exciting surprise" what I was thinking about.

Ideas that were nixed (besides Shaundra the Shemale):
1. Huge surprise party at the local VFW. Pros: it's pretty cheap to rent out, it's right by our house for easy drunken John unloading, all of our friends could come and it could be a lot of fun. Cons: It's the local VFW, I think I could do something with a little more class than a kegger up the street from our house.

2. Go to Mexico for a four day weekend: sure we'd have to go the week before his birthday, but in every life there must be a little sacrifice, or so I'm told. Pros: Warmth, sun, margaritas, sand, tan lines Cons: John doesn't have a passport and President Bush is an idiot.

3. Go to Atlantic City and pretend we're high rollers for the weekend: Pros: fun, intimate little weekend in a fun town. Cons: Neither of us are really big gamblers and we wouldn't really do much high rolling. PRO: I probably would've gotten rolled on the bed quite a bit if I did this option! Con: It's cold and sad when you go to the beach but can't go into the water in February.

I couldn't think of what to do for him, so I gave up the stealth factor and sent him a very straight forward email, "What do you want to do for your birthday?" because I didn't know if he wanted a wild party, I didn't know if he just wanted to spend it with me, or with his family or with the Pope...I just wasn't sure about any of this--although, I had a niggling feeling that he didn't want to spend his birthday with the Pope; maybe the old Pope but not the scary new one. He looks like the Emperor from Star Wars. So instead of digressing about the Old Pope/New Pope controversy...let me just say, that asking John what he wanted to do for his birthday was the best thing I could've done, because I would've never thought of this:

He wants to go to NYC to see Evil Dead: The Musical. As the wonderful person that I am (can I say that? I think definitively that I can...) I called some woman in New York and inquired about tickets for the particular Febuary weekend. I had to fight with the woman about the fact that "Yes, indeed I DO want tickets located in the "splatter zone!"" For those of you unfamiliar with this musical, blood flies (splatters if you will) onto the audience members in the first few rows of the theater house, very similar to the ye ol' Gallagher comedy shows...except with blood, not with watermelons.

To top off our weekend and to make us feel like true bonafide married adult people (weird that I'm turning 30 and I don't feel like an adult quite yet),I checked us into the W hotel for the weekend. I think that they will truly embrace us when we return home from a night at the "theatre" drenched in fake blood. Oh wait, who am I kidding, this is NYC...no one will even notice.

On the bright side, for the amount of money I am spending on two nights in the city that never sleeps I make a prediction that John will not be sleeping either . This is because no one rides for free. I will be making him work off his share of the room in sex. I may even buy him dinner first to seal the deal, because then he'll have to put out. Ain't love grand?