I tell ya kids being married for almost a month and I'm slipping. Let me tell you about it:

-My chubby cheeks are getting chubbier. Oh diet here I (better) come before John has to cut me off the couch with a scapel ala Nip/Tuck.

-I didn't think twice when I left the house yesterday with a tshirt that I used to use in college to dye my hair. From the looks of the stains, I favored black hair a little too much. To complete my ensemble, I went to the grocery store wearing a pair of John's boxers and sloppy side ponytail...honestly, I couldn't be bothered.

-Now this one goes beyond good taste--don't read further if you like or respect me....hmm, still reading huh?? As Dangerfield said, "EH I don't get no respect"...on with the story then. It's a good thing that Johnny loves me because um...you know sometimes when you're going down on a guy and you gag??? Well, I went well beyond gagging (always the overachiever)...let's just say it'll be a long time until I can eat chicken wings, that's for sure. John calmed me by telling me that there's tons of porn featuring such acts for those fetishists who enjoy puke. Needless to say this did nothing for my embarassment...the only thing that helped was knowing that he couldn't leave me without lots of lawyers, money and paperwork...ha ha...he's dirty boy, he can take it. I hope.

-Finally, this morning I heard boxes being dropped off out front and then a UPS truck driving away. I didn't think twice about going outside in (yet) another pair of John's boxers that are so old and worn out that assless chaps leave more to the imagination. It was actually nice to feel the breeze and sun on my ass whilst I dragged more marital loot into the house.

This is bad, isn't it?? I'm going to put on make up and make myself look as much like a dark haired Barbie as possible before my Ken doll gets home. Must. Not. Slip. Further...