This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Thursday, August 10, 2006
never too old for toys
Well long time no write...don't read this post if you don't want to hear about sex toys .

When we last left off, this heroine and her love slave (read: her loving husband) were going to pick up a few sex toys that I purchased at his sister's sex toy party, a fun but awkward event since my mother in law sat next to me and peered over my shoulder watching what I was ordering--nothing like cock rings to bring a family together. I also enjoyed when his mom would hold an enormous vibrator and say, "Nope, this one's not big enough...". Hmmm...

Well...we picked up our toys and ended up staying and drinking at his sister's house for the evening and then after his sister had a major drunken mishap (she broke her ankle) and his mom came over to help her (since we were all drunk as skunks) we decided to go home and test the toys out while watching Kill Bill 2...let it never be said that we don't multi-task--quality sex/quality movie--it all works.

Here's the report card on the toys from my perspective (John can fill you in on his take in the comments):

1. The double bullet with the rubber rabbit cockring-- although a mouthful ( oh I'm so full of bad jokes and double entendres today! somebody stop me...), I thought it was pretty darn good (now trust me...I'm not the type that feels the need to be hooked up to machinery while having sex). The vibration could've been a little stronger ( the vibration part is run by the ever popular bullet, which I had never have had the pleasure of experiencing before...I experienced it again on my own while John was showering--and it's nice all by itself, without the rabbit attachment...real nice).

2. Jelly cock rings- Now these things were little tiny wonders! (By the way, I just made you click on the word cock...and you did it! I have such power). They looked a wee bit painful to put on, but kids, let me tell you...take an already virile man (that'd be John) and add something to keep the blood from flowing out and it's like making Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk (too much information?? Sorry, I thought this was my blog...). The next day it was tough to keep John away from the cock rings because he had fallen in love with them soo much (I think because they're pink, that's my theory). I have absolutely no complaints about John's pink jelly "bracelets", they may be the perfect male accessory.

3. A glass piece- (not exactly as imposing as this one...but close enough). At first I was somewhat fearful of this thing. It's heavy, it's a little's a whole lot of glass, going to a place that I usually keep glass free. But, I'm no prude so I hopped aboard (so to speak, of course). The jury's still out on this one. As John says, "You're this thing's bitch!!" which is totally true. The thing drives me wild, but when all's said and done, I feel a little bruised (see? I have taste...I will go no further in explaining this...).

So now that I shared...what are some of your favorite secret weapons???

PS. I bet John's breathing a sigh of relief with what I didn't share...aren't you? he he he...

PPS. I truly enjoy watching porn with my husband, pirated porn on his computer...We were watching an exceptionally hilarious one where the girl continuously barked like a seal every time she was "supposedly" having a great time.

Ok, off to church now.
posted by Melina at 1:49 PM