This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Thursday, July 07, 2005
Let Me Tell You How The Wackos can find's search time
1. "new pants" chlamydia. Um friend, I'm sorry to tell you that new pants are not the cure to your ailment. Seek out a doctor and a nice friendly dose of antibiotics. But hey, at least you got new pants out of the deal. Now keep 'em on!

2. Show me how to wrestle a fat woman. Well now see, I would assume that you would do it in a similar manner as wrestling a skinny woman. It's all about leverage. And um, good luck with that.

3. Triplet and twins sisters sex and fuck. Whoa there tiger! That's quite a large order you're trying to cook up. And why all the incest? And why the multiple births. You're a sick fuck, that's what you are. Oh and by the by, sex and fuck? They're the same thing pookie.

4. Chelle Stack and condoms. Well Chelle is stacked and she does use condoms. She's a very smart girl because she can't afford new pants or chlamydia.

5. Vidaco de la pub pour pepsi avec Drew Fuller. Ooook. Hmm. I think someone wants to go have a pepsi at the bar with Drew Fuller. It sounds like a good enough plan to me...except skip the Pepsi and go right for the Molson Golden.

6. Why I shouldn't talk to my ex-boyfriend. Well I'm not sure...I talk to my ex boyfriends all the time...and then I have sex with them...and then I get mad at them because they choose to go back to their girlfriends. Actually, I know why you shouldn't talk to your ex-boyfriend- he's probably an asshole.

7. Derek Cornfield. Ah, it just rolls off the tongue doesn't it. I guess Derek and Denver go together pretty well too (bah). I think Derek and Melina would extremely well in sin, banging like screen doors, living in holy matrimony--you name it, we'd go like peanut butter and marshmallow fluff!

8. Girls who like to have men watch them pee. Hey, whatever you're into...I have to say it's better than the R. Kelly golden shower route but really? I like to keep my pee to myself. You know the old phrase, "bang all you want but keep a little mystery dear". That's what my grandmother always said and you know, she's right. I think she even stitched me that little motto on a cross-stitch thingy.

9. Life Aquatic Boobs. "Vivid Video? Hi, it's Melina...No, I'm not going to do porn for you. Yes, I know I'm talented but NO. I do have a fabulous title for a new movie's Life Aquatic Boobs. Basically your hookers, um I mean actresses could go chasing after a shark who ate their friends and then they could bang it! Hello? Hello? Did you just hang up on me (tone)"

10. Booty Call+ Romp+Jake+twilight zone. Hmm. It sounds like you and Jake will have a very interesting evening. In the Twilight Zone (cue creepy theme music). By the way, you don't need to be in the twilight zone to have a "booty call romp" with Jake. I'm sure a phone call will suffice. In fact, perhaps I will call Jake.

11. thitw password. I believe the password is, "I need to get drunk and I have money!" No, no silly, the beauty of dive bars is that they are not exclusive's the place where we misfits, drunks and gorgeous girls who like the cook are located. No password required. Hell, half the time shirts aren't required.

12. Strip Foosball. DON'T DO IT. It sounds like fun, doesn't it? Well it hurts. When you lose miserably (happily) and you are in the victor's arms and he's bending you backwards across the table and those damn foosball players stab at you back and'll think of me. I had the strangest bruises in the world after that night. The nice thing is that no one will know what caused these bruises because they are strangely shaped and resemble nothing.

13. Mephiskapheles t-shirt. It's my favorite t shirt. I've had it for about 13 years. It says, "God Bless Satan" on it and that freaks people out, as does the rooster devil thing on the front of it. They are an awesome band and I'm glad that you, whoever you are found my page. Come back and marry me if you'd like...oh and if you find out where we can get more shirts let me know...mine is basically a rag.

14. Saying beer in different languages. sadly I only know cervasa...but you my friend have opened my eyes to the opportunity to improve myself. I will learn more names for beer in foreign languages because that will be the only thing I will need to know in other countries. I thank you. My friends thank you, and my mom is shaking her head saying, "Why me?"

Ahhh I just looove these searches. Thank you blogpatrol, you rock my world.
posted by Melina at 3:07 PM