I just got back from the Jersey shore and I have to say I had the best time in my life with these girls. I don't think I stopped laughing once, it was rediculous. So let me give you the highlights in a numbered list.
1. My friend told me that the bassist of this well known cover band was giving me the eye. I looked at him with lust in my eyes and he winked at me. I started to feel all weak in the knees. Then Nikki tells me, "Go buy him a beer because he's out...He's drinking Yuengling." So I do, with my drunk, mooney eyes and he says, "Thanks." and then goes back to playing. He gave me another wink later but that was that. The next morning Nik and I were replaying that sad spectacle and neither of us could believe that we a) came up with the idea to "impress" him with a beer and b) that I acted like a 17 year old groupie. I stood dead still as the crowd danced around me staring at him! No wonder he was staring! Too funny.

2. This guy came up to my friend Jacki and tried to start dancing with her. She's married so she danced demurely for a few minutes until Grabby McGrabberson became too touchy. She stopped dancing and moved away from him. He leans over and says, "I think you're the ugliest thing in this place!" (she's gorgeous!) and then he kicks me in the butt...both Jacki and I were too drunk to do anything about it (we're both the people who randomly shout out, "I'll punch you in the face" and "I'll kick you in the teeth!" indescriminately.

3. I was a total (inadvertant) cock block. My friend Ml was talking to two different guys. The first guy had a gravely deep voice...he kind of sounded like he was growling at my friends when he spoke. Nikki and I thought he was pretty toolish so I proceded to mimic his voice, in front of him to Nikki for oh...a half an hour ( I was a major bitch this weekend). Then she was talking to another fellow and I just kept making inappropriate comments to him...until he wanted to beat me, or run away!

4. The one night we came home from the bar, Jacki went upstairs in her drunken state and grabbed this hairdryer that looked like it was made in 1983 and began "clocking" everyone's speed as they walked through the house. I will give it to her, it did look like a police radar gun!

5. We met this guy that we called "Perfect Paul", he was definitely interested in Jacki...but as we know she's married. She kept telling him to come home with us anyway because her friends were single and "that he could hook up with any one of us that he wanted as long as she could watch him have sex". I can't believe Perfect Paul turned that down! Oh and on his way out the door, he said--"By the way...why do you girls keep calling me Paul? My name's Bill!" Obviously we were more than a little drunk when we got introduced.

6. I learned every girl in the room's sexual history and learned that I'm way sluttier than I had previously thought...at least compared to the ladies in the room. I spent most of the time listening and not sharing too much--except I did explain what a snowball was.

7. We watched some of the "worst movies evvvvver made" although I thought one of them was good. No one concurred with me. We saw My Science Project. A little movie made in the late eighties featuring one of these balls from Spencer's gifts that if you put your hand on it it makes the little trail of pink electricity (do you know what I'm talking about?) Well that thing ends up being a thingy that opens up time portals. If you ask me, it was a great movie. Dennis Hopper was in it! Then we watched Blair Witch 2 and I'm not sure if we were all drunk, but it made no sense and it was the single dumbest movie ever.

8. We went to the beach today and I burned my ass off. Damn birth control...making me more photo sensitive, oh but not pregnant, so nevermind...I love you birth control.

9. We all agreed that aside from Perfect Paul, later given the moniker Beautiful Bill and a smattering of a boys, the men were incredibly unappealing. It wasn't just their physical appearance...it was their groping, slapping our asses, grabbing our waists and otherwise attempting to molest us collectively. On top of that, they all looked like Sloth and Chunk from the Goonies. Yeah, I sound evil but it really wasn't far from the truth. To be honest, I didn't bother talking to any guys because I was having so much fun with the girls!

10. The funniest thing that anyone did over the entire weekend was when this guy came up to my friend and said, "Do you notice anything different aboout me?" And then he said, "I bleached my hair!" The funny thing about this question and statement is the fact that we never met the guy before!

11. Jacki said to me, "I was just talking to _______ and she showed me how tan her boobs are. Show me your boobs." So I pulled up my shirt and bra and showed her. "Damn, your boobs are really dark. Oh and when I said that we showed each other our boobs we just pulled our shirts up, not our bras...you have really nice boobs by the way." So then I tried to explain that if we were on Girls Gone Wild and someone said, "Show us your tits!" they wouldn't expect to see boobs in a bra! It was pretty funny though.

There were a ton of other funny stories...including the renaming of our one friend Anal Beads (as her first name!) and then having some guy scream at the pizza parlor at 3 am "Anal Beads! I've got anal beads for you"...and then he whipped out a rosary. I thought my friend Jacki was going to rip his jugular out! As the stories come to mind I'll post more! Oh and it had to have been a great weekend because Ry just called to see if I wanted to go to Nickel Night and I had to turn him down because I was just too tired!